Road safety and 'talking to strangers'

[storm4mozza]

Hi guys my son has just turned 3 in February. It was confirmed at his 2 and a half year development check that he is ahead on his speaking for his age. He can count to 300, he can nearly write his name and i can have a full conversation with him.. my issue is road safety, he got loose of my reins the other day (i feel terrible my hand was too small and it slipped off my wrist) that's when he ran off toward a road, i left my daughter (in her pram) with a trusted friend and ran after him, i feel like a terrible mother because he outran me into a road. I managed to grab him and no cars were around but i cant get over the guilt of what if?

So i took him out that evening and spent 45 minutes showing him how to cross the road safely. I am now taking him out on a daily basis trying to teach him the difference between 'safe cars' (parked) and 'non safe cars' (moving) and asking him to tell me when it is safe to cross. I printed off a few activities i found on various websites but i couldn't find any good websites to really help him understand.. for example he understands that green man means safe but he cant quite grasp the concept of the green light he thinks the green light means safe also any tips?

Also i feel he is ready to learn about 'talking to strangers' when it is ok , and when it is not ok but i have no idea to start teaching him this, any ideas would be much appreciated x

 

[jd83]

I think what you've shown him and explained about non moving vs moving is good. I would just explain that he isn't to cross the street without an adult, as I do think its a bit confusing still at that age to "get" the difference between a green light and a green walking signal. You can go over it with him when you are crossing streets, to reinforce what you've taught him.

As far as the stranger thing, I read an article a few years ago that made quite a bit of sense talking about how we shouldn't teach our kids to never talk to strangers, because there may be times when it is necessary for them to talk to a stranger.Rather we should teach them to learn when is appropriate to talk to strangers and which strangers they should talk to. For example, if they get lost, they would need to find a stranger to help them. They should look for a mommy with kids to help them, as she would be most likely to be the "safe" stranger for them to ask for help. I'll try to find the article later if I can to link.

 

[the why bird]

Sounds like you are doing a great job with teaching road safety. It just takes practice. Please don't feel guilty for him running off - easier said than done, I know! But you reacted right away and did the right thing. I think every parent has one or two heart-in-the-mouth moments before their kids are grown.

For talking to strangers, I'd try to just bring it into conversation casually at this stage. Have you heard of 'safer strangers'? The idea is that instead of saying 'never talk to strangers' you talk about people who are there to help us, like the police, and where to go if they are worried. Look for someone in a uniform, go into a shop or a library and speak to someone behind the counter. Point out those places where he could go if he needed help.

Remind him that he never goes with another person, even someone he knows without telling you or whoever is looking after him. Even if it's someone asking for his help, or even if it's his granny, he should always come and tell you first. And tell him that adults shouldn't ask children to keep secrets or disobey their parents. Let him know it's ok to say no, or shout really loudly, if someone does any of those things.

A nice person will never mind that he needs to check with mum before going somewhere, but a person up to no good will.

 

[noon_child]

I think that while he is "bright" academically he may be just the same as other toddlers his age and have no concept of risk, so you may be better forgetting trying to get him to understand the different lights and crossing safely and just show him where the pavement edges are (including driveways etc) and saying not to go beyond the edge without an adult. Once he seems to "get" the diff between pavement and road you could introduce the lights etc.

I also think little and often, with you setting an example, works better than 45mins of intensive training. Everytime you go out you show him how you are staying on the pavement when the red man shows and then how you cross with the green man (but only after looking and listening for moving cars). Children learn nearly everything through real life demonstration as opposed to "telling" or "explaining" - you just have to make sure he's paying attention and emphasise the most important points, not every detail.

My LO is 3 and I don't use reigns - she has had to learn that it is important that she holds my hand (obviously I hold her too!) and stay next to me. Maybe using reigns he relies on you stopping him rather than taking responsibility for his own safety??

 

[Rachel_C]

Do you normally hold his hand? If not, I can understand why he'd run off when you let go - he'll be used to stopping when he feels the reigns pull him back and if he didn't feel that he wouldn't stop. Teaching hand holding is much more important IMO - it's about teaching them that to stay safe they need to do something (hold your hand) instead of waiting for you to stop them doing something - small difference perhaps but I think it's important. I'd not use reigns instead of holding hands and just use them as back up to constant hand-holding if necessary.

We've always talked about road safety, well since they could walk. Both kids were early talkers but I would have done the same however much they understood or could talk. We say things like, "We hold hands near the road to keep us both safe", "Children always wait for mummy or daddy to hold their hand across the road so they don't get squished", "We press the button and wait for the green man", "Now we're all going to stop, look, listen and wait for any cars. Can you see a car? Can you hear one? Has it gone? Okay now we're safe to cross with mummy" etc etc. It's just a constant (background) dialogue whenever we go out for a walk.

I wouldn't bother trying to teach him about safe cars and moving cars. Just show him and explain to him as you cross - lead by example but talk about your decisions and he'll work it out. I'd forget about websites, I think it's a bit too abstract. It doesn't matter if he knows how to cross the road on an iPad, all he really needs to KNOW is that he must wait for you to cross the road for the next 5 years!

 

[JASMAK]

I would try teaching about staying with you more than how to do things on his own. Road safety is a concept I taught my kids around 6 years old. And, I read that they cant even sense speed of traffic ect until 8 or older.

 

[sparkle_1979]

We always cross the road looking Both ways etc and not going until they can't see any cars

Strangers, I think I made a huge mistake. My four yr old kept running off on shops and one day had enough and did the stranger talk. I scared the poor little mite. This was a few mths ago and she now has dreams over strangers taking her just a warning to be carful as to how you approach it, I did it wrong and now she's quite nervous about people she doesn't know

 

[Bex84]

We do led by example. I only have dd at moment but expecting second lo. I will be using carrier so have hands free. I dont use reins, we do if she wont hold hands she is picked up and she soon caught on, when we cross roads i make a point of saying what i am doing while looking for cars as for strangers i think its a hard concept as i know my lo has lots of the elderly women come up to say hello, i just do same as do with strange dogs, that lo can speak to others if i do first. I dont know if my lo would understand safe strangers. I know picking up would be imposible for you so maybe get buggy board and if he cannot walk nicely holding on to push chair he has to go on buggy board. He may be academically bright but most children at that age have no sence ofthe wider world. When i was teaching reception and year one if we took them out we still had to remind them constantly

 

[tommyg]

Your son is about the same age as mine. I gave up on reins ages ago (he wanted to hold them himself) instead near roads I make him take my hand. I point out we have to wait for the green man when crossing the road - even if I know there is nothing coming - we wait for the green man. At 3 they are too young to cross the road without an adult anyway so I wouldn't get too bogged down in the Green Cross Code yet. However once he is nearer school age he'll be taugh about "safe crossings" including the lollipop man.

Please forgive yourself for the scary moment. You'll never forget it 30 odd years on Mum and I both remember the day I was happily walking along holding her hand when a road worker started up a pumatic drill beside us. I got a fright and bolted into the road. Before mum could think or do anything an older gent in a flat cap got me and returned me safely to the pavement with mum.
You can never know the minute when a child will get a fright and run.

I think I'd go on the safe stranger theory too. As sometimes strangers are needed.

Having spotted a wee girl wandering alone in Asda a few weeks ago my friend and I watched her wander passed the checkouts to the toy car thing. I kept an eye from a distance while my friend pointed her out to the staff. A member of staff then approached her and was taking her to the customer service desk when a frantic mummy spotted her.

But you should never get into a car with anybody without asking mum first.

Does he attend nursery / preschool? I'd ask them how they approach these things as you don't want to give conflicting advice to them.

 

[special_kala]

I think young kids benefit from frequent small reminders rather then long lessons.

We just keep repeating over and over what they need to do so when we hit a road (most of the time) we say look both ways, can you see a car, is it moving etc.

Now River is a bit older and more independent at the park, before we go in a ask her what the rules are, dont leave the park, take it in turns etc. I also ask what she would do in situations like what would you do if someone asked you to leave the park, what if they offered you sweets, what do you do if someone tries to take you.

It only takes a minute and its not full on. Just a quick casual conversation so its fresh in her mind.