Role of OH during birth - suggestions?

[LittleMrs]

Hi everyone,

I'm currently 23 + 3 but OH and I are starting to think about our plans for the delivery of our LO. We think we've chosen a place and the aftercare but we're very uncertain about HIS role in everything. Does anyone have any advice? If I decide to use a birthing pool for pain relief can he get in with me? SHOULD he get in with me or will I just want to kill him?

OH has asked a friend who was present at the birth of his son what his role should be and the answer was 'just be in the room' (incidentally the friend in question has been recently divorced - his wife says he was rubbish during the labour and chatted up the nurses), we found his answer to be a little less informative than hoped.

Anyway - anything, ANYTHING that anyone can suggest (to include or avoid) is gratefully received. Thank you

 

[Mrs Doddy]

Someone to talk to
to give you food and fluids - v important to keep hydrated
to keep you focused when it gets too much- I started to panic and by focusing on my h and what he was saying about the breathing
to help you to the toilet
to cut the cord
to dress baby and look after baby while you have a bath

 

[gertrude]

to stand up for what you want to happen when you can't always do it for yourself

 

[trumpetbum]

Dh's job is: to be at my beck and call, to anchor my hypnobirthing breathing and techniques, to fill my pool, to rub my sacrum, play with my hair when I want him to, to sort out music/hypnosis tracks for me and to kiss me and tell me I did good when LO comes along

 

[AP]

I agree with gertrude!

OH always tells me if he could change anything, it was that he wasnt allowed to be near me or hold my hand, due to the circumstances of my labour

 

[LittleMrs]

Thank you, ladies. Did it make a difference having OH near? Mine seems a little squeamish about things like getting in the pool with me (I don't really know if this is allowed or not anyway) so I have this vision of him patting me on the head from a distance.
Also, my mum wants to be there too but I'm a little reluctant because I think it's something that should be between me and OH. What do you think?

 

[SPN1304]

Thank you, ladies. Did it make a difference having OH near? Mine seems a little squeamish about things like getting in the pool with me (I don't really know if this is allowed or not anyway) so I have this vision of him patting me on the head from a distance.
Also, my mum wants to be there too but I'm a little reluctant because I think it's something that should be between me and OH. What do you think?

I deffo wouldnt want my mum or MIL there. Like you said its between you and your OH. After all its your baby not your mums! Sorry I feel strongly about this as I personally always worry about people interfering and trying to take over (sorry i am weird!!)

 

[LittleMrs]

Not at all Simone, I think you're right. I love my mum and we are very close but my main worry is upsetting her when I say no. I agree with you - I think having her there would dilute the experience between me and OH. Glad I'm not the only one who thinks this though (I thought I was weird)

 

[ClangerBabies]

Im not having my mum there for the reason i arent having his either, and if i had one and not the other it would be un fair. My MIL is the grandmother of these babies along with my mother so in my opinion i wouldn't have one without the other as it isn't her fault she had a boy, so if one is entitled they both should be

Ive explained this to them both and they dont mind at all,xx
But im very close to my MIL he is a realy good friend.
I know some people dont have my luck ;p

 

[moomin_troll]

i wanted a water birth n my oh saif hell no about getting in lol

his role was to...
get me ice or water when i wanted it
rub my back
someone to swear at lol
and to hold his hand while pushing (he said i wasnt hurting him so i held on tighter and soon hurt him lol)

 

[Louise1985]

it is really down to personal preference with the water birth and your OH getting in they are allowed to get in if you wish

my OH role was to....

give me sips of water and ice
hold my hand and encourage me along
wipe my face with wet cloth
cut cord
he helped me with whatever i needed
and to just be there for me xxx

 

[meow951]

I think if you want it just you and OH then tell her. You'll only get to do it a handful of times and it's meant to be a special moment. If you think just you and OH is right then do it.

I'm lucky because my mum said she's more than happy to be there is we ask or need her to be otherwise she'll be at home waiting for updates!

 

[Lilly12]

Im planning on a water home birth.
There will be nobody there except me, my husband and the midwife and her assistant.
It's going to be really intimate and personal, the way we want it to be.

He wont be in the pool with me but he will sit behind me (he doesn't wanna stare into my hooha )
He'll talk to me, give me food/drink if I want some, rub my back/shoulders if I want him to, etc.
Maybe put on music if I want to.
He'll just be my support and I want it to be comfertable for him too so Im not gonna make him do stuff he doesnt want to.

 

[Farie]

I see DH as being there to support me, make sure i drink, eat etc and to reenforce that I can do it, that I'm coping ok and be there to rub my back, distract me, comfort me and generally be there to help me cope.
I'm hoping for a home water birth and he'll be in the pool with me once I get in, prier to that I'll be dragging him about as I stomp through the contractions!

 

[elly75]

With hubby, he was there to support me, hold my hand, talk me through the contractions, get ice water when needed (and food when they said it was ok early on), cut the cord and so forth. He was incredibly supportive through the whole thing, even when I got sick near the end.

Mom was in the delivery room as well and supporting us. This time around, I don't think that'll be the case as I will probably ask her if she can take care of our son when this little one is born.

 

[kiwimama]

I think your OH or any birth partner is crucial while you are in labour. I don't actually remember my OH being there while I was in labour, especially towards the end when I went into myself and didn't notice anything going on around me. I do remember my OH trying to rub my back at one stage but I think I growled at him as I didn't like touching at that stage. Make sure your OH knows exactly what you want to happen/ not happen during your labour so he can push your desires foward if you are unable to. During the early stages I leant on my OH while having a contraction. This time I am hoping for a natural home birth and to birth in the water. I am happy for him to come into the water with me if he wants, birth pools generally are big enough for that, although it would depend if I wanted to spread out or not. I would love for my OH to deliver our baby, so that him and I are the first people in the whole world to touch him/ her.

 

[shayandbump]

When I was in labour with Amy my OH was absolutely brilliant. His 'role' was to;

- empty my sick bucket for me (lol, he gets all the glamourous jobs )
- encourage me when I was finding it difficult
- fetch things for me that I needed, like a drink of water etc
- helping me change my clothes (when arrived at hospital and just after the birth)
- rub my back, hold my hand & generally just be there to support me & help me out

Re: having your mum there. I had my mum as my 2nd birthing partner so if OH couldn't make it or needed to take a break she could be there with me. She only spent about 30 mins in the room with me when I was in labour though and I don't think she could've lasted much longer; she was more nervous than I was! lol

 

[Sophiiie]

my OH was there so that I didn't have to shout/swear at myself!

in all seriousness he was a great help, he'd help me to take sips of water (although i'd recommend popping a straw in your hospital bag as my OH seemed to think that I can fit an entire cup of water in my mouth in one go!)

he rubbed my back which I found really comforting, and when it came to pushing I found that him saying things like "keep going, you're doing so well" was really motivating. he also told me that we had a little boy as we were on team yellow & he cut the cord

I thought he would've driven me crazy but i'm really glad he was there x

 

[Mrs_N]

My hubby will be my birth partner, and his main 'role' will be being my advocate if I can't express my wishes.
He will also be on hand to get me drinks, ice and snacks, remind me to go to the bathroom, help me with my breathing, massage, keep me calm and if things are slow to entertain me and keep me occupied!
We are hoping he'll be able to discover the baby's sex for himself and be the one that tells me. He's not sure yet if he wants to cut the cord!
We are hoping for the birthing pool too, and plan for him to get in with me for support.
After the birth he'll be there to help me wash and change.

I personally wouldn't have my mum or anyone else there - even though we get on really well it just feels to me like an experience that should be between just me and my husband.
I can't wait!

 

[LittleMrs]

Thank you everyone - I never expected so many responses. My lovely husband and I just sat down to read all your responses. Thank you for all your ideas, we feel a lot more confident now (not that we've actually made the choices but that whatever we choose is ok). Thank you to those of you who shared your experiences - you know, I never realised you could get sick as part of labour (head in the sand again).