scared of being a single mum!

Discussion in 'Single Parents' started by precious-gift, Apr 23, 2009.

  1. precious-gift

    precious-gift Well-Known Member

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    never thought i would be a single mum and it is scaring me
    found out a month a go that my husband has been having an affair (had been going on for a month!) he decided to leave me for her, knowing full well that she has a reputation for sleeping with married men and breaking up marriages :hissy: he claims he loves her, but i know its just infatuation! we had fertility treatment to concieve baby!!

    some days i think im doing fine and the next i think about what has happened and im back to square one, i still can't believe he has done this! he informed me yesterday that he booked a holiday for the two of them, leaving the week before my due date!!!

    i know i will cope as a single mum, but it is so scary, worried about finances and where we are going to live, and because we were married the rights my ex has over my baby (iv read he has equal rights)

    anyone went throught the same situation?

    xxx
     
  2. purpledahlia

    purpledahlia Mummy

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    mines not really the same situation hun but im going to be a single mum too, you sound like your better off without him if he is capable of cheating on you for a home-wrecker! once he comes back from his holiday he will realise what he is missing, he will be begging you for another chance!! x
     
  3. jillypoop

    jillypoop Mummy of one

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    Hi hun :)

    From what I remember from being a secretary in a family solicitors, your ex only has equal rights if he is on the childs birth certificate?

    It was a while ago I did that work but am 100% sure that if it is 2 unmarried people, the father has no rights unless he is on the birth certificate and therefore has parental responsibility.

    Don't quote me on that though!

    I would advise you to go to a solicitors that offers legal aid and they will be able to help you, or if you aren't sure about going to the solicitors, try Citizens Advice. They will be able to help you out with applying for the correct benefits and tax credits etc and hopefully sort out your ex's child maintenance.

    Hope that helps hun, I hate reading the stories on here, so always want to try and help if I can, even if just to offer kind words. If you need to talk, pm me.

    :hugs:

    xxx
     
  4. edinsam

    edinsam Well-Known Member

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    hi there hun

    I know exactly what you are going through. My OH left me a month ago to go back to his ex wife after leaving her 2 years ago. He gave me an ultimatum - either terminate or I am leaving. I trully have gone through the hardest month of my life and realise that its going to be the hardest year ever to get through but I do believe that story of what doesnt kill us makes us stronger

    I am in the opposite situ where I want him on the birth certificate but because we are not married I cant

    He wants absolutely nothing to do with the baby, doesnt even want to know what it is when its born and is refusing to pay any maintenance for it.

    These next few weeks will be hell for you - I am not going to say its not but after a few weeks you start to realise a couple of things and that is 1) you and the baby are the most important things 2) it is his loss completely to miss out on this wonderful experience and that 3) worse things in life can happen to us than being a single mum. I am finally starting to pull myself together and face all the positives that will happen this year and also try and make the negatives less scary.

    I am here if you need to talk or send a pm to me. I know what its like and will try and help if I can.

    Be strong

    Sam
    xxxx
     
  5. precious-gift

    precious-gift Well-Known Member

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    thanks so much for the replies it means a lot, your right what doesn't kill us makes us stronger, and there are people going through much worse situations, which helps me to put things into perspective. Even though it hurts now, i know deep down that when baby is here he will hurt more.

    Sam thats is awful telling you to terminate, i would never do that either, your baby deserves so much more. maybe i should count myself lucky that he does want access, and is going to give me maintenence, what i will find difficult is letting him have the baby overnight, although i did say that i couln't do it in the first year and he agreed, so maybe it will work amicably.

    i guess i just took it for granted that he would always be there, i didn't expect him to have an affair, it seems so out of character for him, but all his behaviour in the few months has been different, maybe he will snap out of it, then again maybe not, but he is one that has lost out and i know that he does feel guilty about what he has done, but he says he can't go back, probably because he feels it is too difficult, although i do think she has a hold over him (like booking a holiday so near my due date!)

    i am beginning to see that life goes on, and what will be will be!

    thanks again xxx :hugs:
     
  6. shaunanicole

    shaunanicole Guest

    Sweety, I am SO sorry that this is happening to you. I know it's hard and devastating but you will make it through - with or without his help. Just feel blessed that the bean inside of you is healthy and everything is going well on that aspect. Stay focused on your child and what you can do to make it a happy and healthy environment for the baby when it is born. Other then that there isn't anything else you can do. Stay strong hun and I will pray for you and the little one in your tum. :hugs:
     
  7. edinsam

    edinsam Well-Known Member

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    aw precious hang on in there, each day it get easier. I still think of my other half every single day and for most of the day too but there is a part of me that drives me on. I think it might be called self respect and do you know what deep down I bet your husband realises that. I know my oh does. I think when they go to woman like they have who have no self respect and we are holding our head up high they start to see gosh she's a strong independant person. Trust me there will be times where you will ask him to come back and be willing to forgive him etc but deep down there is a part of us that that will always be there. These are dark times and at dark times our vulnerable personality comes out. I still have to work beside my OH every single day although he claimed he was leaving work a couiple of weeks ago because he couldnt bear to watch me getting bigger. Needless to say last week he told me that he was going to stay at work and continue his contract for the next 3 months at least. This is a killer for me - imagine going to work everyday seeing the man you love so much knowing he is with someone else. When I read your messages I read between the lines that you still love yours too and that is the hardest part.

    No matter how crap I am feeling just now I get up that extra half hour in the morning and I go into work looking amazing - I swear I must be the most made up/dressed pregnant woman in history!! but its only ever a front, when I get home Im in tears. What you need to do hun is be strong in front of him so he can see what kind of female you are and when he chooses to come back (which I think he may do) then you are the one in control, the one in a stronger position to then make the decision for you and you only! When we take that control back we trully are in a better place. I am not there yet as I know if he rang the doorbell now I would run out and hug him. I hope in months, years to come whatever that I am in a completely different place

    Hang in there, keep on here for support and keep in touch

    Sam
    xxxx
     

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