Scared of breastfeeding and not being able to

[Lawhra]

With my son I tried and failed. The pain was unbearable, bleeding nipples, he couldn't latch on properly, milk didn't come through, couldn't express (was lucky if I got 2oz). It was miserable and I had to cave and formula feed. He took to the bottle straight away which made me relieved that he was finally feeding properly but very sad that he didn't take to my breast.
I keep telling myself all I can do is my best and try. Not to stress and get depressed over it again. But I'm struggling. I'm terrified. Terrified of the pain, sore nipples, learning to latch baby on and the mass of questions I have about it. Why can't something that should be so natural, be easy?

Has anyone failed with the first but been successful second time round? I could use some positive stories and tips.

 

[LeeBee]

I had a lot of difficulty with my first too So I get how stressful it can be! This time around I'm a little nervous too, but all we can do is try, right? Sorry I don't have a positive story... but good luck!

 

[Lawhra]

Thank you. It is scary isn't it! Yep, very true, all we can do is try.

 

[ClaireMuir123]

I was unable to breastfeed my son due to him having tongue tie and it ate me up inside. I ended up with PND (not only due to this, it was amongst other things) This time I'm going with the flow. If I can breastfeed then great, but if it doesn't happened again for whatever reason, I won't beat myself up about it.

We all know that 'breast is best' but please don't feel bad about giving your son formula. I'm taking it he's a healthy boy? And you say he was happy once he got the formula. This time I'm thinking happy baby = happy mummy! If my daughter takes to the breast, then fantastic, but if she doesn't? It's not the end of the world.

I really hope you can breastfeed, see if you can speak to a lactation specialist and get all the help you need to BF your baby xxx

 

[Palestrina]

This is my first baby so I have no clue what to expect, all I know is that others have scared me a lot into believe that it will be physically nearly impossible to do it. In fact I just bought my Medela breast pump yesterday, it cost a fortune and I'm already lamenting that it will be a waste of money, I'm somehow convinced I won't be able to breast feed based on all the stories from the women around me have scared me with.

However I have one friend who is extremely successful with breastfeeding. It really helps to have her around because whenever I express worry she assures me that there is very little chance of not being successful. She asures me that any problem that develops during breastfeeding CAN be addresed and solved. She is introducing me to a friend of hers who is not only a lactation consultant but also leader of a local LaLeche group.

The biggest problem with breastfeeding failure (I'm told) is lack of support. You have to be your own advocate at the hospital when nurses try to selfishly feed your baby formula at night rather than bring baby to you. And of course there's all the crazy people around you who try to push you into FF by saying "what's the big deal, I was FF and there's nothing wrong with me!"

I understand that failure to BF can lead to depression but try not to get too bothered by other's opinions. Seek support, that's all you need. A lactation consultant, a friend who is successful at breastfeeding, whatever it takes. Make your wishes known to the people around you that you do not want to be bullied into FF. These are all the things I'm planning on doing to ensure that I give it my 100% effort before trying formula.

 

[Jollybean]

I worry too as I would be devastated not to be able to breastfeed my baby.
Don't be afraid to seek advice n help though.
There are breast feeding groups that u could look into attending before baby is born, and midwives/lactation consultants to help during those first crucial hours.
Good luck to all u lovely ladies.. stay positive

 

[Apen2009]

I had a hard time with my first, in the begining as well. Big latching issues. .. my poor breasts looked like they had been through a wood chipper. The nurses introduced me to nipple shields and they allowed me to breastfeed and I am so thankful for them as I had never heard of them. They are simply a plastic shield that goes over your breast that has a 'nipple'. The baby will suck on this (which will suction to your skin so you don't have to hold it in place) instead of the natural breast. This eliminated skin breakage and I never got any blocked ducts. This also allows a woman who has flat or inverted nipples to breastfeed. Another perk is that there is less nipple confusion when going back and forth with a bottle. . .
Here is a link for them.. I'm sure you can pick them up at any drugstore/pharmacy. . they do come in different sizes so get a couple different sizes so you have some options on hand when the time comes.
https://www.target.com/gp/detail.ht...110944&ci_sku=B000YQMWLU&ref=tgt_adv_XSG10001
A couple of downsides to these. The first being you have to have them on hand and get used to putting them on your breast. .which in the beginning can be frustrating when you are trying to manage a crying infant. The second downfall (in my case at least) was that once she was used to the nipple shield she refused the natural breast and would only breastfeed with these. Not a huge deal as we still got to breastfeed but something to be aware of when you are ready to ditch the shield and go natural.
I personally was fine to continue with it. . it made breastfeeding possible and much less painful. . .

 

[HappyinLove]

I want to share my experience with you from my first child. I WAS able to breastfeed successfully but it was not easy!!...

I knew I wanted to breastfeed from the get go. So I was determined. (I was not supported by my ex-husband or his family) I breastfed my son and it was VERY painful, most people would say it's not supposed to be painful if he's latching correctly. I finally figured out that is not true. I went to lactation specialists and they told me numerous times that he was latching perfectly but they did let him suck on their finger and they were amazed at how strong his suck was. I believe this is why it was so painful for me.

I like the term someone used earlier, my nipples looked like they had been through a wood shredder! They were cracked and bleeding and I was scared I was going to get infections! I grimaced everytime he latched on and guess what??? After about a month all the pain went away and my nipples got used to it all. (I had a good friend who kept telling me, just give it a month, just one month, it gets better!)

When my son was 2 weeks old he got a staph infection and had to be hospitalized for a week. Breastfeeding became very difficult and I was pumping and feeding him through a bottle and even gave him formula a few times because of how difficult it was to feed a baby hooked up to IV's. We got right back to breastfeeding as soon as we got back home and he had NO trouble re-adjusting.

Don't feel like a bad person if you can't. Some people just can't and you are NOT a failure by any means! You mentioned that it was painful and such, how long did you give it a go? A lot of women only try for a few days and then stop, milk doesn't quite come in fully until after a few days.

I hope that you can do it this time too!! You really have to have the support of the people close to you. My MIL was constantly telling me that he wasn't getting enough of my milk which was not true because he weighed 10 lbs at 1 week old. (9 lbs 10 oz at birth) He continued to gain weight and stayed chunky. She was just trying to talk me out of breastfeeding because she couldn't take part in it. It's soooo important to have those around you really rooting you on! It's not easy but SO worth it if you can do it!

 

[elliot]

Sorry, I'm a frst timer, so I don't have a story to share. But I did want to send some support your way. My SIL had a terrible struggle trying to BF her LO and I saw how much pressure she was under from everybody around her. She eventually got sheilds and said it helped a lot, but it never got easy for her and LO never got much milk.

Like Palestrina said, I've heard tons of stories about how impossible it is to BF. Seems like it's just part of the current trend where people like to make it sound like they only survived BFing, birth, parenting through a miracle. I wish instead I lived in a time when people talked about these things more positively and with support but without pressure or judgment.

Anyhow, I'm trying hard to remember that BFing is natural and will likely work just fine, but that sometimes it doesn't, and that will be okay too. Doesn't mean there's anything wrong with us as mothers or wrong with our LOs.

Take care & best luck!

 

[Lawhra]

Thank you ladies.

I tried nipple shields with my son and could not get on with them at all, he wouldn't touch them.

I have a friend who is a trained breastfeeding Councilor and has suggested a group she attends as a councilor and she'd give advice when I need it. But I know it would feel very pressured, I don't want pressure, I want support. And to be honest the thought of a month of the pain I went through with my son (only about a week) makes me want to cry.

I have some questions if someone wouldn't mind asking please?

Did breastfeeding change your nipples forever? I remember what they looked like after feeding and although they went back to normal I don't know if that is just because they weren't 'hardened' from successfully feeding for long enough.

Did it hinder your every day routine by feeling like a constant feeding machine? Or did you still live your life as you would if bottle feeding?

If you expressed, when did you begin? My BF councilor friend is adamant you shouldn't express before 6 weeks?!

When you stopped did your breasts get engorged and painful?

Did you stop gradually?

At what age did you stop?

Sorry, so many questions! And if anyone is wondering why don't I ask my friend, she is so pro breastfeeding I feel like a failure just talking to her

My son was fine on formula. He is a happy, healthy 8 year old. But I wish I could have fed him for longer. Even just until 6 weeks.

HappyinLove - Well done for being so strong! You must feel so proud of yourself

elliot - Thank you. It is such a shame that there seem to be more negative that positive stories.

I wish all the luck in the world to all ladies who are going to try and bf. Here's hoping we succeed!!

 

[moomin_troll]

unfortunatly i no how u feel both zane and myself didnt take to breastfeeind and i was so mad at myself....i still am. but like ur lo he took the the bottle straight away.

im still going to try again with this baby, i have bought nipplesheilds to help with the pain....hopefuly lol and a breast pump and i will be looking for more help this time as my mws were terrible. ive also got bottles in for just incase

 

[welshwarriors]

I failed with my son and I was upset about it for months...he just wouldnt latch on. So this time I bought nipple shields etc to help #2 latch on and im defo gonna have some formula in the house this time so there is no mad dash to the shops at stupid oclock just to buy ANY formula. lol

 

[Bumpontherun]

I have a friend who couldn't BF her first but managed fine with the 2nd and did it for a year. We're not that close so I'm afraid I don't know any details but she did say that her 2nd just took to it straight away and she found it really easy.

I really think each baby is different so just because you struggled once doesn't neccessarily mean you will struggle so badly again. To all the first time mummys who are worrying BF really isn't always that bad. I found it a bit painful for the first 3 weeks but nothing like the horror stories above - just a bit uncomfortable. My baby fed almost constantly at first and this was hard work but I never felt tempted to resort to formula and I was open to this if needed.

I agree support is so important. My DH was really pro BF. I remember the two of us sitting in bed at 2am with him holding the leaflet the hospital had given us saying "you've not latched her on right, take her off and do it again" It was good having someone to try and help with the latch though. Check out what support is available before your LO is born - I knew there was a really good BF problem clinic at the neonatal until and I went along on day 5 as my nipple was grazed, even though my problem was really minor they helped with trying a different position and were just generally reassuring. My friend went to a breast feeding cafe really early on and found it very helpful. One of my other friends has been using nipple shields for over 4 months as she has flat nipples. They really help her and her LO has always slept like a dream You may find you have an easy ride this time but if not then last for lots of help and don't beat yourself up if it doesn't work out

 

[HappyinLove]

Did breastfeeding change your nipples forever?

It didn't change my nipples but my breasts were definitely different. Not bad but not as "full" and cute. haha. They weren't sagging as bad as someone say they do. I am normally a size B cup when not pregnant or bfing.

Did it hinder your every day routine by feeling like a constant feeding machine? Or did you still live your life as you would if bottle feeding?

I only breastfed for sixth months because I was feeling a lot like a constant feeding machine. I think this go round I will try to express some too so that hubs can help more. (My ex husband wasn't as involved and didn't help that much) My husband now is VERY helpful and wants to be involved too! It was not "easier" once I switched to formula because there is still the preparation process.

If you expressed, when did you begin?
I started around 4 weeks because I was headed back to work and wanted to have some milk stored.

When you stopped did your breasts get engorged and painful?

No I did not get engorged and painful because I stopped gradually.

Did you stop gradually?

Yes and it was the best way to stop! (by cutting out a feed)

At what age did you stop?

Started weaning around 5 months, done altogether at 6 months. (wish I would have done it longer now)

YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE!!!!

I am proud of myself for doing it but still wish I would have gone longer!

 

[Lawhra]

Did breastfeeding change your nipples forever?

It didn't change my nipples but my breasts were definitely different. Not bad but not as "full" and cute. haha. They weren't sagging as bad as someone say they do. I am normally a size B cup when not pregnant or bfing.

Did it hinder your every day routine by feeling like a constant feeding machine? Or did you still live your life as you would if bottle feeding?

I only breastfed for sixth months because I was feeling a lot like a constant feeding machine. I think this go round I will try to express some too so that hubs can help more. (My ex husband wasn't as involved and didn't help that much) My husband now is VERY helpful and wants to be involved too! It was not "easier" once I switched to formula because there is still the preparation process.

If you expressed, when did you begin?
I started around 4 weeks because I was headed back to work and wanted to have some milk stored.

When you stopped did your breasts get engorged and painful?

No I did not get engorged and painful because I stopped gradually.

Did you stop gradually?

Yes and it was the best way to stop! (by cutting out a feed)

At what age did you stop?

Started weaning around 5 months, done altogether at 6 months. (wish I would have done it longer now)

YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE!!!!

I am proud of myself for doing it but still wish I would have gone longer!

Thank you so much for taking the time to answer those questions. I really appreciate it. I would love to get to 6 months like you did and have always had in my head that would be the cut off age. But you just can't predict. It is sad that you feel you should have gone on for longer because 6 months is a brilliant achievement. You have inspired me

Thank you for all the replies, each and every reply is helping my fear in some way. Even just the support is helping. The advise and experiences are great to read.