scared to be a single mum

Discussion in 'Pregnancy - First Trimester' started by sib85, Apr 6, 2009.

  1. sib85

    sib85 Well-Known Member

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    im 10 wks pregnant with my 1st but found out 4 wks ago but unfortunately me and the father split just before i found out! :cry:

    The reason we split was because he is going through a bad time with his family we dont live just round the corner from each other i live in surrey and he lives in weston super mare! When i told him the news he insisted that the baby isnt his as he thinks ive been cheating. If u were to ask any of my mates then u find out that ive never cheated on anyone but he insists that when the baby comes we should get a dna test!

    The whole situation im finding very frightening! If anyone has a advice we post!

    thank u

    x
     
  2. jennie_78

    jennie_78 Mum to Caitlin, and TTC

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    Hi

    sorry to hear about what your going through. Im afraid i havent been through this so cant advise much, im sure there will be plenty on this site who can though.

    Have you got family around to support you ? lots of women manage to do it alone.
    As for your ex, make sure you get the DNA test as he has a financial responsibility to the child.
    Best of luck
     
  3. gracegrace

    gracegrace happily pregnant with 2nd

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    :hugs: I'm really sorry

    Do you have people around who'll be able to support you and the LO?

    And I agree with Jennie... do all you can get get a DNA test off him!!! You'll need to prove that LO is definately his...

    :hugs:
     
  4. Mumof42009

    Mumof42009 Mum Of 4 Preemie's

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    Hi

    I was a single mum for 3 yrs before i met my oh, its hard not having anyone there for you babe when you need a break etc but you just learn to get on with it. I still dont live with my oh so im practically a single mum but i love it i get to watch what i want on tv and do what i want when i want without having someone nagging me! xx
     
  5. booflebump

    booflebump Mummy to Toby

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    Hey hun,

    Sorry to hear that you are facing this alone, but there is a lot of support out there (including on here!) Hopefully you will get all the advice you need and good luck with everything xxx
     
  6. elainegee

    elainegee Well-Known Member

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    its a shame he is acting like this, some men just don't want to admit to responsibility. I am unsure how you feel about him now but i would make you you get that DNA test he wants, and tell him he can pay for it! And when you show him the baby is make sure he commits financially, it takes two to tango as they say, so dont let him away with it.

    I was on my own for a wee while with my first child, and it is hard don't get me wrong, but as long as you have a good family unit to support you, you will get there in then end, you will survive, you just have too. xx
     
  7. Snowy

    Snowy Well-Known Member

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    :hugs: Sorry to hear that he is acting like that, it is a difficult time but try to stay strong. I hope you have some friends and family around to support you.

    I am also 10 weeks pregnant with my first and live in Surrey, so feel free to PM me.
     
  8. lalitas charm

    lalitas charm Mummy to Bethan & Piplet

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    Awww hun that is awful. I hate it when guys come out with that kind of rubbish, to me it means that he is feeling insecure about his family situation and if he were in your situation he would cheat and that is why he is accusing you of that. He is a moron. The other girls are right you will be fine, there is support out there for you and I am sure your family will rally round you. You should def get that DNA test as he should contribute to the LO's welfare in the future.

    I wish there was more I could do to help you and I hope that it all works out well for you. :hugs:
     
  9. FlowerFairy

    FlowerFairy James, Noah, Saskia, Lumi

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    I was a single mum for 6 and a half years. My son does see his dad a lot, so we are very lucky.

    It is hard sometimes, but get all the help you can. i had to go back to work when son was 12 weeks old and have worked full time ever since. I lived with my mum until July last year. But with Tax ctedits I have been able to pay nursery fees and provide my son with the things he needed.

    2 and a half years ago I met my OH. I never thought any man would want to take on a child, but thats rubbish!! There are some great people in the world, and my story has a happy ending.. I have a wedding and a baby on the way.

    Good Luck., so long as your baby has love you'll both be fine :hug:
     
  10. sib85

    sib85 Well-Known Member

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    just want to say a big thank u to everyone that has replied to my msg mwah x
     
  11. dom85

    dom85 Mum of 2, 3rd on the way

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    Hiya, I'm going to be doing this on my own too. Broke up with the baby's dad before I knew I was pregnant and it was a pretty clean break as well, haven't spoken to him since the end of january. I've decided to wait to tell him until after my scan next week as I've already made my decision and i want to make sure everything is ok before I have to deal with how he's going to react.

    I have my moments of being terrified too, but then i think about how much I've always wanted to me a mum and it doesn't seem to matter too much. In a way I'm more scared about the pregnancy and giving birth part than having the baby as I know mostly what to expect with that!

    I've found that I'm not alone though and my friends are being so good and I have all of their support and I hope that you've got people around you like that too.

    Feel free to msg me if need a chat :)
     
  12. sib85

    sib85 Well-Known Member

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    thank u dom85 its sad that someone else is going through the same thing but also nice to know that im not the only one going through it feel free to msg me too anytime xx:hug:
     
  13. Mynx

    Mynx Mum of 2 Gorgeous Girls!!

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    Hey Sib and Dom :hugs:

    I've been there myself and can totally sympathise. Only difference was that I stayed with my daughter's father for 2 and a half years after she was born because I was so scared of being a single mum so young and didnt think I would be able to cope. Not that he did alot tbh cos he didnt seem all that interested in being a parent. Splitting up with him and becoming a single mum was one of the hardest, and best things I ever did.
    She's 17 this year and has turned into a well adjusted young lady (aside from the usual teen mood swings lol!)

    I just want you both (and others out there in a similar situation) to know that if you have the support of your friends and family then you'll be just fine :)

    :hug:
     
  14. raaychel

    raaychel Well-Known Member

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    Hiya; I was in the same position as you at this time. My babys dad didnt want nothing to do with us, and also saying its not my baby :cry:. But in the end he eventually come to terms with it and says he's really excited. Im not with the babys dad either, we split up then i told him about 3weeks later i found out i was pregnant. But at the end of the day if he isn't big enough to help you through this he isn't a real man, hes probly scared in what his parents are going to say. I think thats what my babys dad thought aswell, cause he didnt tell them till i was about 15-16weeks pregnant which im only 17weeks now.
    I think you should let him know that if he doesn't want to see the baby now, your not expecting him to come try and get involved munths down the line after the babys born, as this is not fair on the baby at all. Thats what i told my babys dad and then he decided he wanted to be there, we get on now but as friends and thats all it's ever going to be. Suppose i've got to be glad that were friends though :happydance: I think you should say well we'll get a dna test, cause you have nothing to hide. Well i wish you all the luck darling :kiss: If you need anyone to talk to just message me. I wont mind giving you some advice if i can help :hugs: xx
     
  15. ninab

    ninab Mum to Luke and Alice

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    Hi. I too was a single mum for 5 years. It is hard, I wont lie to you but it is also incredibly rewarding to see your little one grow into a happy, well adjusted adolecent before your eys and know that you alone are responsible for that.

    It is so important to soak up any support you can gat from family and friends, also mother and baby groups etc. Gingerbread and sure start are fab too.

    Good luck to you honey and congrats x
     

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