Scared to stop taking hpt's... Any advice?

[missarcasm]

Hi,

I am cautiously joining this group (hard to stop thinking of myself as TTC) and hoping for some moral support. I have had 2 pregnancy losses in the past 8 months, one at 5 weeks and one almost immediately, at 4 weeks. Testing revealed no reason for either. I'm 38, so it was most likely just poor egg quality.

I'm pregnant again - almost 5 weeks - after my first round of injectables after 3 unsuccessful Clomid cycles, and my levels have been going up really well so far:

14dpo - 102
16dpo - 303
18dpo - 843

The doctor said that at this point, things are looking good and had me make an appointment for my first ultrasound for when I'm 6w2d along. But that's 10 days from now, and that feels like an eternity to go without affirmation that I'm still pregnant!

I want to have faith, but it seems I crave proof, and I can't stop taking hpt's every day, just hoping the line stays dark, instead of fading like in my previous experiences. Does anyone have any words of wisdom, or meditations they do, or anything to help with the doubt and terror? I know I need to find a way to stay positive - I'm just struggling to find that way.

Thank you, and best wishes for everyone here.

 

[babyjo]

Congratulations on your BFP!

It is sooooooo hard after a loss to keep positive even after certain milestones. Throw the tests away! ( don't want to scare you but even if things aren't right it will still be positive). You have had GREAT bloods so try and concentrate on that. I have found three things that have helped me to keep positive and stop wishing my pregnancy away:
1. I told my closest friends and family- i didn't tell anyone last time and when I mc at about 8 weeks I had noone to talk to for emotional support until after it had happened. This time people know so they are supportive. if im scared about anything i pick up the phone for support and kind words. It also makes bean real that people know about them.
2) I use a couple of meditation CDs that were given to me by a friend. They have positive affirmations - this has helped me to relax and stay positive a lot! I really believe in PMA.
3) I started a couple of new hobbies which act like a welcome distraction

Good luck and I hope you can begin to enjoy your pregnancy! Enjoy everyday you are pregnant as much as you can. A relaxed mum is best for bean. Although it didn't feel like it at the time my first tri has really FLOWN by! It does get easier with time x

 

[missarcasm]

Thanks for your kind and wise words, babyjo. I think those ideas sound really helpful - I was thinking of starting a sewing class to keep my brain occupied and maybe telling a few more ppl close to me would help too. I use Julia indichova's "3 steps forward" meditation - what do you use? I'd love more options! I'm hoping to cut down on my hpt-ing this week - not sure I can go cold turkey!

Would love to hear others' advice! Thanks!!

 

[Feisty Fidget]

Misarcasam I am so sorry for your losses Congratulations on this !

I am going to pretty much agree with babyjo with regards to the HPT - as your HCG levels are now so high you would be getting positive results even if something happened It's not nice, but unfortunately it's true.

I make jewellery and once I am in the second trimester (feels like miles away) I will be knitting cute little baby things to keep my mind occupied.

I have also found keeping a journal on here as well as a written one at home really beneficial. I don't update my handwritten one daily (was a week ago since I last completed an entry ) but it is nice having a personal account of this pregnancy. I figure that even if the worst was to happen I will have a wonderful record of the sweet time I was carrying this child. I also feel it helps to get rid of some of the anxiety that I feel.

Wishing you both a healthy and happy pregnancy

 

[missarcasm]

Thanks Feisty Fidget - It helps to know that others have been through the same thing and are farther along and keeping a positive outlook.

I'll try to follow in your footsteps and think positive!