Scared to try again

[want2bemommy]

Aloha everyone!

I just need understanding ears from all of you. I'm 32 years old. I m/c april '09 and sept '09. Both were at 5.5 weeks but insanely sad for me and my husband. The first took place the week before mothers day and my wedding shower. I thought the first was a fluke and surely my 2nd bean would stick- but no. We have not tried since then. I've ignored it because I'm scared. Will we lose another? What will it feel like to worry horribly again every moment of a new pregnancy? I didn't even want to DTD for a long time after. Now I can't ignore my utter desire to be a mommy- so I'm ready to start again but I need any and all advice or stories you can share. Friends and family are well meaning- but telling me "it'll happen- so and so had 5 m/c and now have a baby" does not help in the slightest. Still looking at friends u/s makes me sad and a bit angry. My only positive from these experiences is that I can empathize with others who have had a loss. But now I need encouragement. Ladies- got anything to share?

 

[tinkerbelle2]

I know what you mean about the oh so helpful comments of oh but this person had 3 and had a baby etc, I want to strangle the people that say that, I just smile sweetly though and say oh that's positive. Whilst Knowing they will never truly understand how it feels.
I had a d/c nearly 3 weeks ago, and are ready to try again, but so scared, I know there are lots of stories about being more fertile after this, but I have also read lots on how it can take a long time, I read these and think I want to to be there, It sounds strange but its less worry if I think its not going to happy again soon, less pressure
but everyone deals with things differently sorry not much help at advice but

 

[want2bemommy]

Just kind words and opens ears are all I need- thank you

 

[DaisyBee]

I am sorry for your losses

I too have had 2 miscarriages (6 & 6 1/2 weeks) and it scares me to death that it will just keep happening. After the first one I had hope & didnt have this panic feeling that I do now. Its hard to explain to family/friends as they have no clue how I feel about this. Most just want me to be thankful I have Megan (which of course I am - but doesnt take away the sadness of miscarriage), and others just say - well try again. Trying again is so scary to me right now. DH & I talked about trying right away after AF comes - but emotionally I dont think either of us can handle it. My dr wouldnt do any tests saying its just a fluke & bad luck & women over 30 have higher risk of miscarriage (im 32) & I've had a baby so that rules out lots of things. THey said if I miscarry again then they would do tests. Part of me thinks well - then I'll only have to go through this once more at the most - I've done it 2'xs I can handle it once more. Well thats just crazy talk! I cant believe I would go into a new pregnancy expecting the worst.

But I look at my daughter while she's running across the room (a new thing for her) or blowing kisses to her daddy while smiling, or throwing her pineaple on the floor cause she doesnt like it - and I realize... the only way to have another baby is to do this again. I am strong - miscarriage has proven that to me. I need to be strong & stay positive. I want to have more kids & miscarriage has only made me realize how much I want more.

 

[Twinkl3]

I'm scared to death about getting pregnant again and the thought that it may happen again, but then the over powering feeling of wanting to come a mother wins all the time. I am prepared to put myself through this time and time again I want it that much, the heart ache will always be there and the sadness of my angel baby but I can't deny that I want this badly.

 

[Mrs. J]

TTCAL is definetly scary. Last month when I got my first positive OPK after our loss, I completely panicked when it came to DTD. My heart started racing and I felt sick so I just rolled over and went to sleep. The only comfort I have is my doctor ran all the tests and I even had an HSG done and he cleared me of everything. But that is still not a guarantee. I guess all we can do is hope and pray and take the best care of ourselfs while TTC. And of course with BnB, we all know exactly how you feel so feel free to vent! I found that starting a journal helps, and reading other ladies' journals.

Good luck

 

[lilrojo]

I am so sorry for you losses.. I have just had my second miscarriage last monday.. My first was at 12 weeks, and now this last one was at 5 weeks.. My dr's office didnt want to do anything for me until I have another one.. I was brushed off because its common.. don't let your dr do that.. if you need to find a new one, that will look into things for you.. and please try not to be scared.. remember every pregnancy if different.. let yourself be happy..

 

[lilrojo]

I am sorry for your losses

I too have had 2 miscarriages (6 & 6 1/2 weeks) and it scares me to death that it will just keep happening. After the first one I had hope & didnt have this panic feeling that I do now. Its hard to explain to family/friends as they have no clue how I feel about this. Most just want me to be thankful I have Megan (which of course I am - but doesnt take away the sadness of miscarriage), and others just say - well try again. Trying again is so scary to me right now. DH & I talked about trying right away after AF comes - but emotionally I dont think either of us can handle it. My dr wouldnt do any tests saying its just a fluke & bad luck & women over 30 have higher risk of miscarriage (im 32) & I've had a baby so that rules out lots of things. THey said if I miscarry again then they would do tests. Part of me thinks well - then I'll only have to go through this once more at the most - I've done it 2'xs I can handle it once more. Well thats just crazy talk! I cant believe I would go into a new pregnancy expecting the worst.

But I look at my daughter while she's running across the room (a new thing for her) or blowing kisses to her daddy while smiling, or throwing her pineaple on the floor cause she doesnt like it - and I realize... the only way to have another baby is to do this again. I am strong - miscarriage has proven that to me. I need to be strong & stay positive. I want to have more kids & miscarriage has only made me realize how much I want more.

I feel you relate to me very well.. I have an almost 2 year old daughter, and have just had my second mc.. First one was at 12 weeks and second last monday at 5 weeks.. My dr. also wants me to have another one before she will do anything for me.. I decided for myself I dont want to go through that again.. I deserve answers and someone who will help me stay pregnant.. I made an appt with a fertility dr. and he is helping me. I have an us booked and blood tests that will be done the end of this month..

Please dont listen to your dr. you deserve to know why this keeps happening.. you deserve to be heard and have a dr. who is pro life and willing to help you all the way through it all.. My new dr. will keep an eye on me if i get preg before my tests too.. You shouldnt have to suffer another loss even if you can deal with it, to be checked out.. Yes they are common but so what.. you are a women with feelings and you have rights..

 

[RGN]

I just posted the same thing on another thread but ask your doctor to run a Reccuring Pregnancy Loss blood panel for you. If your doctor won't do, you should find one who will. After two losses I found out that I have several blood clotting disorders, which means not enough blood is passing through the placenta to the baby. It can be treated next time I get pregnant with blood thinner injections. I feel much better having this information. It's made me want to try again becuase I feel like we may have found a fix. Good luck.

 

[m2m2009]

sorry about your losses... i had a ruptured ectopic pregancy in jan 2007 at 7 weeks and 4 days.. had a successful pregnancy in 2009.. he is now 2 at the end of the month. 13 months later i got pg again with another son. unfortuntely we lost him at 18 weeks and 2 days in dec 2010.. i got pregnant again in april 2011 only to end up with a chemical pregnancy..

i have been on birth control for may and now into june at the beginning of july we are going to ttc again.. but i too am scared beyond belief of another loss happening..

 

[Mrs. J]

I am sorry for your losses

I too have had 2 miscarriages (6 & 6 1/2 weeks) and it scares me to death that it will just keep happening. After the first one I had hope & didnt have this panic feeling that I do now. Its hard to explain to family/friends as they have no clue how I feel about this. Most just want me to be thankful I have Megan (which of course I am - but doesnt take away the sadness of miscarriage), and others just say - well try again. Trying again is so scary to me right now. DH & I talked about trying right away after AF comes - but emotionally I dont think either of us can handle it. My dr wouldnt do any tests saying its just a fluke & bad luck & women over 30 have higher risk of miscarriage (im 32) & I've had a baby so that rules out lots of things. THey said if I miscarry again then they would do tests. Part of me thinks well - then I'll only have to go through this once more at the most - I've done it 2'xs I can handle it once more. Well thats just crazy talk! I cant believe I would go into a new pregnancy expecting the worst.

But I look at my daughter while she's running across the room (a new thing for her) or blowing kisses to her daddy while smiling, or throwing her pineaple on the floor cause she doesnt like it - and I realize... the only way to have another baby is to do this again. I am strong - miscarriage has proven that to me. I need to be strong & stay positive. I want to have more kids & miscarriage has only made me realize how much I want more.

I feel you relate to me very well.. I have an almost 2 year old daughter, and have just had my second mc.. First one was at 12 weeks and second last monday at 5 weeks.. My dr. also wants me to have another one before she will do anything for me.. I decided for myself I dont want to go through that again.. I deserve answers and someone who will help me stay pregnant.. I made an appt with a fertility dr. and he is helping me. I have an us booked and blood tests that will be done the end of this month..

Please dont listen to your dr. you deserve to know why this keeps happening.. you deserve to be heard and have a dr. who is pro life and willing to help you all the way through it all.. My new dr. will keep an eye on me if i get preg before my tests too.. You shouldnt have to suffer another loss even if you can deal with it, to be checked out.. Yes they are common but so what.. you are a women with feelings and you have rights..

I agree! There are wonderful doctors out there that are willing to go the extra mile. I wish I could share my doctor with all the ladies who get this same response! Good luck!

 

[want2bemommy]

Thanks for sharing everyone!
I found interesting info re: a possible link between vitamin D deficiencies and m/c- I'm deficient and didn't know it then so maybe there's a factor? Also my family friend is an OB through my health ins. Chances are I'd have to see him at some point- but he said next time I get pregnant to call him and he'd order up some progesterone just in case- and hopefully do some early blood work to see what my body is doing. He really wants to see me have a baby too- so I know he's on "my side" so to speak. I can deal with a friend being my dr if that's what it takes- heck I'd even show the mailman my hoo ha if it meant getting a baby lol

 

[lilrojo]

Lol... I think we would all show any one our hoo haa's if it meant getting a baby.. and Im happy your not letting the fear of another mc stop you from getting your forever sticky baby... Hugs and lots of Baby Dust..

 

[Mummy of Ange]

so sorry for your loss. Im 32 and gave birth to my twins on Christmas Day at 23 weeks and i have been petrified about trying again.

I found out on Tuesday im pregnant again (by some kind of miracle because not had a period since March) and im completely terrified.

I think its normal after what you have been through, but im taking the view that its out of my hands and what will be will be, each day i get through is a bonus. I know when i reach 23 weeks again im going to be a wreck, but its know good for LO so im going to try and stay strong xxx