Second scan tomorrow... terrified.

[silverlizard]

Last week I went for a scan at just over 8 weeks and was told things weren't looking good... baby only measured 6mm (which they said equated to about 6 weeks) and they couldn't find a heartbeat. They asked me to come back after a week for another scan to confirm that the baby has actually died, since they couldn't say with 100% certainty just from that scan. But between the lack of heartbeat and the fact that I'm pretty sure of my dates, they seemed pretty certain of what they are going to find.

So, of course I've spent the whole of last week completely miserable, feeling lost and in limbo and just wishing I could go back and find out for sure and then maybe get a tiny bit of closure and start to move on. But now it's almost here - 10am tomorrow - and I am just completely overwhelmed with panic. I don't want to go. I sort of keep stupidly allowing myself to think that maybe , somehow, there'll be a miracle and it won't be dead - even though everything points to a miscarriage - and I really wish I could stop doing that, because I know it'll just mean I'm even more crushed tomorrow when I hear the final bad news. I just have no idea how I'm going to cope, really. Can someone just... I don't know, reassure me that I *can* get through this? I have to, right? Then I can start to move on and... I guess, try again. It's just going to be so horrible, and I'm so scared.

Sorry for spilling all this out in this forum. I just don't know who else I can talk to right now.

 

[littleblonde]

i never no if on threads like this people want to here miracle storys. but i went for a scan at 6 weeks and was told i looked 4 weeks. no baby just the sacs. I new i couldnt be 4 weeks as i had a positive almost 2 weeks before. Went back 2 weeks later (when i should of been 8 weeks by my dates and 6 weeks by there i was actually 7 weeks. She is now 6 months. I wish you luck. I lost my 1st and its heartbreaking. i will hope that you get a miracle x

 

[silverlizard]

Honestly, I don't know myself if I want to hear miracle stories or not, heh! Thankyou, though, for sharing yours and for wishing me luck - it's good to hear from someone else who's been through this waiting/anxiety hell, either way. And I am so incredibly glad that it turned out well for you.

I don't think there will be a miracle for me... but I will just have to try to be strong and deal with whatever is really there, right? *hugs*

[Edited to add: if that's your little "miracle" girl in your icon, she's beautiful. ]

 

[kittiyara]

I am so sorry. You will get through this - its not debatable. Its tough, but you will come out of this strong. Just take it one hour at a time. The night before my last dr. apt (awaiting to hear bad news) my husband and I watched movies on demand to take my mind off of it. Do something to distract you tonight. And whatever the news is tomorrow - I think I remember feeling *a tad better knowing definitively what the answer was. I'm holding out hope for you, hang in there.

 

[silverlizard]

Thankyou so much... I think/hope that I will feel a little better knowing for sure, even knowing the worst. At least then perhaps I can begin to think about moving on. It's just still so terrifying waiting.

 

[SabrinaKat]

You will feel better once you know what is happening (for good or bad), and if it is bad, you WILL make it through, but it will take time....the heartbreak, the questions, the tears, the raw emotion will take some time (and for me, a few months and only when I started counselling as the mc brought up alot of other stuff as well), but you WILL survive and one day, it will be easier. It took me a good year to be more positive (and be happy for other people/babies, etc.), and even now, I still shed a tear when I hear of others at the beginning of the hell I/we went through.....

best wishes

 

[silverlizard]

No miracle for me - it was the same size as last week and still had no heartbeat. I'll be going for an ERPC tomorrow. Thankyou all for your support. *hugs*

 

[Medzi]

I am so sorry to hear We are all here for you. I lost my first just a few days ago and it is so hard, but the support here has been great and like eveyone said, you become so strong and you will make it through.

 

[SabrinaKat]

sorry, honey -- please take care of yourself!

(hug)

best wishes

 

[TripleA]

So sorry to hear this....please look after yourself. I hope you have some support around you xx

 

[KateC]

I'm so sorry, honey. Best of luck at your procedure. All my support for the emotional healing as well.

Love and strength.

 

[silverlizard]

Thankyou all... I do have support around me. My mum and partner have both been great (they are practically fighting over who gets to take care of me most, heh).

I'm a little scared about the general anaesthetic now, but... mostly, I guess, glad I don't have to wait any longer for this to be over. At least then I can crawl under a blanket and not think about hospitals or appointments or anything for a while.