Second time lucky

[PeanutBean]

Hi everyone. With my last birth I planned a lovely home water birth. I never joined in this section then as it was jsut something I was going to do. However it didn't go to plan. My waters went early and I didn't deliver within the 18 hours set before I had to go into hospital for antibiotics. It was all downhill from then on. After 30 hours ish I ended up on syntocinon, had a failed epidural that so successfully number my legs and pelvic floor (but not uterus) I couldn't push, and ended up with an episiotomy and ventouse delivery.

Two years on I still cry at the remembrance but am trying to turn it into something positive. At my booking in my MW asked if I wanted a homebirth again, totally positive about it. I have now read a book (I don't read birthing/parenting books!) because it was recommended to me and I'm looking to boost my confidence.

I now feel that my analysis of the birth shows that EVERYTHING could've been prevented. I've heard of hospital policies for breaking waters being up to 36 hours so why was I in at 18? Why did the second MW at home think I'd been in labour 12 hours less time than I had? Why did she do an internal that went against guidance? Why did they tell me to push when contractions got firmer whilst I was in the pool at hospital? Why did they then take me out and lie me down with pethidine slowing everything down again? Why did they offer me an epidural I wouldn't have asked for an remember being unsure about accepting, especially when my labour was already slow enough to put me on syntocinon? Had they left me to my own devices and allowed me to labour then I would've got there in the end.

Some decisions I made were no good too.

This time I want no internals. I will sleep when labour starts as I should've done last time but was too afraid/excited. If my waters go early I'm not going to tell them unless I have my own concerns. I now want a home birth more than a water birth if it comes down to a choice. I want no offer of epidural at all should I end up in hospital. I want to trust my body because after all this time I realise it's not my fault.

So here I am. I've been inspired by the book but there's another 20 weeks or more yet! I'm hoping you natural birthing ladies might be able to help keep my confidence up.

 

[JenStar1976]

So sorry that the memories of your first birth experience still make you sad. But you are doing all the right things now: preparation & positive thinking are the key to natural birthing in my opinion. xxx

 

[Jenniflower]

I love your passion and confidence to have it your way this time around PeanutBean! If you don't mind me asking what book was it that was recommended to you? Knowing what your rights are is huge when it comes to your birthing day. Without the knowledge they can just wring you into whatever they think is best not what YOU think is best. Your story is such an example of women who should be given more information. I wish the best for you this time around and can't wait to hear how you get on

 

[Mervs Mum]

Looking forward to reading your fantastic birth story

x

 

[Pops]

Hey hun

Firstly I know how you feel in terms of having planned a Home Water birth and it not ending up that way so if you want to talk then feel free to drop me a PM.

Secondly, and maybe more importantly, I want to wish you all the love and luck in the world for next time and I genuinely hope you have a more positive experience and get the birth you dream of xxx

 

[PeanutBean]

Thanks so much ladies! The book bread was Birthing The Easy Way (or something like that) by Shiela Stubbs.

The irony is I was plenty well prepared. Knew all about the different options, most of the side effects of pain relief etc. What I didn't know until it happened was the rule about going into hospital after waters breaking. Found that out 8hrs after they'd gone. I knew that going in would make everything go downhill as one intervention leads to another. But once the cycle had started I didn't know how to break it. I was devastated to go in, it defeated me there and then.

I'm feeling so blue tonight. It's my son's second birthday tomorrow so I suppose this time two years ago I was on my way to hospital. Maybe that's why I'm so down. Dunno.

I so want to be able to fix it all this time. I want to be able to stop other women having experiences like mine. It's one thing if there are genuine complications but the only thing I did wrong was deviate from medical deadlines.

 

[Pops]

That book is awesome - Lise sent me her copy and it was a huge thing for us, Boyo read it too.

I am sure that the date has something to do with how you are feeling sweetie but you are entitled to feel how you do, it sounds like you really went through it

xxx

 

[PeanutBean]

Thanks pops. I just read your birth story, bit of a mixed bag eh? The spinal was a surprise, they must've really anticipated a section. I was told the staff had bets on me needing one. Confidence boosting eh? I'll see if I can find mine and post it here. Not read it in a long time, not sure I want to!

 

[Pops]

She was wedged firmly in there little minx!! I'm lucky though as I still felt it was a very positive and awesome experience but I think it could easily have gone the other way. We are NTNP again & will be hoping, like you, for a home water birth again...

I'll come back and read your birth story if you decide to post it but understand if you decide not to

xxx

 

[PeanutBean]

Here it is: https://www.babyandbump.com/birth-stories-announcements/77491-heres-my-little-byron.html

I'm just not going to read it!

 

[Pops]

I have just read it hun and it is so similar to ours in terms of the original wish list and the eventual reality but I won't pretend for a second I suffered anywhere near as much as you

Strangely similar experiences....lets hope we both get what we are after next time

xxx

 

[PeanutBean]

Suffering is all relative! I hope you get to complete your journey at home next time.

 

[PeanutBean]

Oh I should maybe add that it was weeks before I began to feel at all agile and more than 8 months before we could manage sex. Something I hadn't known was the maternal damage a ventouse can do.

 

[Mervs Mum]

You will!! And I can tell you that Sheila's book was the catalyst for my own homebirth and now I count Sheila amongst my cyber buddies!

Your first birth will make your second one even more amazing. You will have learned so much, even though some of it wasnt what you'd hoped for, you will use that experience going into the next....everything happens for a reason.

And of course we are all allowed to go a little into ourselves when our babies birthday's come round....they are after all out 'Birth Day's' too.

x

 

[PeanutBean]

Thanks Merv. I often think of you. I remember how you had a bad experience the first time and turned things around with Hebe.

 

[Mervs Mum]

Absolutely and if it werent for Emily's birth then I wouldnt have learned so much and had the experience I did with Hebe........ and if it we'rent for Hebe's ....... so the story continues and the world keeps turning.

I think of you too my little science boffin - I am painting a picture of Beaker from the Muppets here for any other readers.....

x

 

[Pops]

Lisa has said what I was trying to but in a much better way!!

x

 

[PeanutBean]

I really don't look like Beaker!

It breaks my heart that every day women are having unnecessarily complicated and unhappy births because of poor medical management. We shouldn't have to learn the hard way. We're so much better off here than in the states I think but once that hospital is involved it doesn' matter where you are.

Then to think of the medical care that IS needed in developing countries. The balance is all wrong.

 

[Mervs Mum]

Then to think of the medical that IS needed in developing countries. The balance is all wrong.

Amen to that!