Self soothing...?

[ladybrock]

At what age should you/did you teach your baby to selth soothe?
I read somewhere 4 months wAs a good time?

 

[bananaz]

My daughter started self-settling for bedtime around 7 months and for naps around 10 months. I probably could've gotten her to do it earlier than that with more a more aggressive approach but I decided to take it gradually and follow her lead instead. If you're interested in traditional sleep training that typically isn't recommended until at least 6 months, but there are many gentler methods you can use earlier than that (as well as environmental changes you can make to encourage better sleep habits).

Now I will give you a preview of the other responses you're likely to get:

"My baby self-settled from birth and slept through 14 hours a night since she was 2 weeks old. It's all because I made sure she had a good bedtime routine. Also I think the knowledge of what a great mom I am helps her drift off to sleep easily."

"You don't teach babies to self-soothe. Self-soothing is a milestone they will reach on their own time. I rocked my baby to sleep until he was 3 and I loved every minute of it. I don't understand why anyone would have a baby if they were just going to shut it in a room and ignore it. Also, crying causes brain damage and increases the risk of rabid orangutan attacks by 200%."

"I've had 5 kids and I taught all of them to self-settle by the time they were a month old. Newborns are crafty evil geniuses and if you go to them every time they cry then they'll know they can manipulate you, despite the fact that they have almost no short-term memory and can only see a few inches in front of their faces."

 

[KatieB]

Louis self settled from around 12 months on and off, properly at around 15 months. I tried to help him self soothe but he just became hysterical. I made myself miserable over it if I'm honest.
At the risk of sounding predictable and smug... Alex self settled from birth. Nothing I did so I don't think it's any comment on my parenting skills just one of those things. Perhaps I was due a good sleeper after my first born though x

Hope you get some helpful replies.

 

[Pielette]

Ah bananaz I love it

As for me, I've had a baby who self settled from day dot. He just went to sleep by himself no problems.

Then I had baby number 2. This kid is about as far from self settling as landing on the moon. I don't even want him to self settle, if I could just get him to sleep with a simple rock or feed to sleep it'd be amazing. But no, I have to jiggle him a very specific way in his ergo which takes about 20 minutes and if I sit down I've had it.

Sigh. Anyway, I'd desperately love to get him going down easier but I have no fricking clue how to manage that.

I guess what I'm saying is every baby is different and different things will work for them.

 

[kwills55]

We were told by the health visitor that you need to start about 16 weeks. Before then baby doesn't make the association if they are always rocked/cuddled/fed to sleep but after then they do (or so they say).
They said to so what you like up to that point and get all your cuddles in cos you can't spoil them under 16 weeks, but after that try to start putting them down for sleep and naps awake so they don't learn to need rocking etc. xxx

 

[chicky160]

I don't mean to sound smug either but as a first time mummy I had no idea how TO soothe him to sleep so as a newborn I just put him back in his basket because that's what I was told I should do by older generations (plus I had horrendous stitching I was in agony from) I feel a little cold for doing it now because I actually want to rock him to sleep and for him to like it but he screams blue murder until I put him down

 

[fatandlumpy]

Mine starting to spit out his dummy and attack his hands in a frenzied way until he (quite literally) passes out. Does that count? (He's 11 weeks). Sometimes he needs rocking, but usually he just drops off when and where he wants to.

 

[JessicaM123]

I don't mean to sound smug either but as a first time mummy I had no idea how TO soothe him to sleep so as a newborn I just put him back in his basket because that's what I was told I should do by older generations (plus I had horrendous stitching I was in agony from) I feel a little cold for doing it now because I actually want to rock him to sleep and for him to like it but he screams blue murder until I put him down

This. In the day i would lay him on my bed next to me as a newborn and he would nod off. (he did have a dummy though.. so i don't think this counts as much) Anyway i began laying further and further away and eventually lay him and leave him in my bed, and now i put him in the cot and he sleeps within 5-7mins if he is ready for bed. He will whinge and fuss if i hold him when hes tired until i put him down with his dummy and lovey. He sleeps a few hours at a time though haha so you can't have it all!

I started moving away about 13/14 weeks though, so this is when i would start. Do you rock to sleep? If you just cuddle, lay down and let lo be in the crook of your arm but tight so it feels like you are really holding them, then gradually move away bit. I wouldn't try any CIO methods at 4 months if i were you though. some babies it can be up to a year till they can self soothe so try but dont feel under pressure lo HAS to self soothe xxx

 

[rose.]

I wasn't in to the whole sleep training idea at all, but at 3 1/2 months Alfie's sleep went down hill after him previously being a pretty good sleeper. By down hill I mean going from 1/2 night wakings to up to 5 between 10 and 6! I was exhausted. He would wake up, have a tiny bit of milk then go back to sleep, so I knew he wasn't hungry every time. I decided to move him in to his own room at 5 1/2 months as things just seemed to be getting worse and I didn't want him to build 5 wake ups in to his routine, as I knew we would have trouble breaking the habit. At the same time I started to leave him a bit to see if he would self settle.

I would put him to bed, leave him until he was crying and I couldn't stand it any more (normally about 2 mins!!) then go in, calm him down and put him back down. I would repeat this until he was asleep. A couple of days in I realised that if I put him down drowsy and almost asleep, he would manage to settle a lot quicker than if I put him down awake. So since then, that is what I have been doing - rocking/cuddling to sleep for a few mins, then putting him down. Often he would wake up and cry the minute I put him down but after a few mins he would go to sleep. Within a week he was normally going to sleep immediately or within a few mins of put down. From day one of being in his own room the most he has woken up between 10-6 is three times, however normally it is only once or twice. He is also napping much better in his cot during the day when I do the same thing (although it works better at night). I am not sure whether being in his own room or the sleep training has caused the change (or probably both) but I would do it again if I had another - we are both getting a much better nights sleep and Alfie is much happier because of it.

Good luck

 

[rose.]

Oh, and in the future I plan to cut down the rocking so eventually he will go to sleep by himself from being put down awake. At the moment I enjoy the cuddles and his night wakings are at a manageable level so I am happy to leave things as they are at the moment

 

[ladybrock]

Thanks everyone
Lots of different aproachs to try when yhe time is right. Atm hes far to young which is what i thought. Lots of cuddles for now

 

[MindUtopia]

Personally, I think it's all too much stress put on parents that 'you must do this or else your child will NEVER sleep through the night until they are 18 years old'. I think it's baloney. My daughter does self settle sometimes, but really has only been recently, maybe 7 months. But we don't really try to encourage it. I don't think it's a sign of being a good sleeper and there's nothing in the research on infant sleep that self soothing is in anyway beneficial (though it gets misconstrued as such by people who don't understand it). I think if it happens, great. If it doesn't, don't force it to the point of causing yourself or your baby distress. And don't feel like your baby is never going to sleep well if you don't. My daughter sleeps great, goes to bed easily, sometimes self soothes, but sometimes doesn't (and by that I mean she is never left alone or to cry), and often STTN.

 

[ladybrock]

I dont think id let him cry but is this self soothing?
I justburled him after feeding, still a little windy but always is i put him down drosy androcked cot for 2 mins n played some music andd hes fallen asleep!

 

[ladybrock]

Sorry for typos on my phone

 

[Scout]

My lo started self settling for night sleep at about 3.5 months. I didn't DO anything, tho, it just happened that one night while we were laying in my bed, she turned her head to the side and rubbed it a few times on the mattress and then fell asleep. Since then, I lay her down after her 8pm bottle and she's asleep in a matter of minutes. Naps during the day are a whole other story tho...she will not sleep unless in my arms and rocking. Even if I get her sound asleep, as soon as she hits the mattress her eyes are wide open. Not too worried about it atm tho.

 

[Shadowy Lady]

hahahahah @Bananaz you are the best! You totally summed up most answers

Every baby is different. Mine learned around 5 months with help from us (routines and whatnot). She was self soothing before that too but the stupid person that I was I gave her a soother for no reason which made her so dependent on it for sleep. I had to take it away gradually at 5 months and that's when things got better for us.

 

[NoodleSnack]

Personally, I think it's all too much stress put on parents that 'you must do this or else your child will NEVER sleep through the night until they are 18 years old'. I think it's baloney. My daughter does self settle sometimes, but really has only been recently, maybe 7 months. But we don't really try to encourage it. I don't think it's a sign of being a good sleeper and there's nothing in the research on infant sleep that self soothing is in anyway beneficial (though it gets misconstrued as such by people who don't understand it). I think if it happens, great. If it doesn't, don't force it to the point of causing yourself or your baby distress. And don't feel like your baby is never going to sleep well if you don't. My daughter sleeps great, goes to bed easily, sometimes self soothes, but sometimes doesn't (and by that I mean she is never left alone or to cry), and often STTN.

From reading this forum, I think the mothers are more distressed by the many wake ups and lack of sleep rather than the idea that 'you must do this or else your child will NEVER sleep through the night until they are 18 years old'.

If your baby "STTN", very likely your baby can self-settle during night wakings. It's great your baby learned to do it without you encouraging it, but no baby will "sleep well" if they can't get themselves back to sleep after each cycle, and not all parents have the stamina/resources to wait for it to happen on its own.


To answer the OP: I don't know. I used to put him to sleep drowsy, and sit by him until he fell asleep when he was 2-3 months old, but then the 4 months sleep regression hit and now he wakes up 3-10 times a night. My suggestion is to wait until you get to 6-7 months at least to consider anything to reduce the chances of having to do it again and again.

 

[amjon]

Mine have pretty much from the get go. They do have to wait sometimes since there are two so its good they can.

 

[more babies]

I think all babies are different and you just do what works best for them. My first was very easy and an amazing sleeper (slept through 12 hours at 6 weeks) and would fall asleep anywhere and sleep great. My second was a beyond horrible sleeper and only wanted to sleep on me until about 18 months when we finally put her in a twin size bed (with railings all around it) and suddenly started sleeping amazingly. I tried everything possible because she would be awake for hours on end every night up until then. My new little man actually does not like to sleep on me or fall asleep on me but if I lay him down in his crib he will fall asleep on his own. I guess I'm just not comfortable to lay on! He loves to sleep on my DH though, which makes me a little jealous but he works a lot so isn't home much so I guess it's ok I think you just change to meet the needs of each child because they're all different!

 

[rose.]

I dont think id let him cry but is this self soothing?
I justburled him after feeding, still a little windy but always is i put him down drosy androcked cot for 2 mins n played some music andd hes fallen asleep!

Yes that's great.