Selling on clothes that have been given to you....

[PoppyPainting]

Just wondering... I found out a work colleague has been selling baby clothes that I passed on to her for her lo. I totally understand that once an item has been given then it is up to the person who has received it what they do with it.

I feel so grateful for the enormous quantity of items from a pushchair and crib and a moses basket, a bouncy chair and a bumbo seat to clothes that have been given to us (both as presents for my dd and hand-me-ons. I wanted to share that. So I gave her stuff (all clothes sizes from newborn to 9-12 months, and a crib), and I feel really upset that I saw that she was selling them. I just assumed it would be given to another mum with a daughter. I didn't specify when I gave it to her that I expected it to be given away not sold it just didn't cross my mind that she'd sell it. I also definitely didn't want it back once her dd had finished with it.

I felt it was morally wrong for me to sell it because it was given. I also didn't give it to a charity shop because then another mum would have to pay for it. She did offer me money for the stuff but I said 'no' because it had been given to us.

She gave me a variety of reasons for selling the stuff but contradicted herself a bit saying she didn't know it came from me, or she knew 3 items came from me) she had no storage (fine I'd have left it in my loft till she needed it) to not knowing anyone else who has a daughter (i know she knows 2 expectant mums who are having girls), to needing the money. I was scrolling through face book and was shocked when I saw her posting clothes I recognised to a fb selling site. She could have dropped me a quick text to see if I was ok with it, I would have appreciated that, I still would have thought she was doing something ethically yuk but I wouldn't have been so horrified.

How would you feel?

 

[tommyg]

I can see why you are miffed. I wouldn't say anything because you can't be sure that it's your clothes she is selling on, but it would be the last time I gave her anything.

But people's minds with this works both ways. Years ago my mum passed on a pair of ice skates to my cousin.
She then got miffed that cousin gave them away when she out grew them. Didn't mind them being given to my cousin, felt they should have been offered back or sold rather than being given away as a freebie.
However my aunts view was they never cost my cousin anything so she shouldn't profit from them.

 

[Sarah Lou 80]

It's a tricky one. I think I'd feel a bit like you do. But then, as you said, you didn't specify that you'd expect it to be given away when finished with rather than sold (but why would you?!)

I think if somebody had given me baby clothes and I no longer needed them, I would either pass them on to somebody I knew who could make use of them. If I didn't know of anybody, I would ask the person that gave them to me if they knew anybody who would want them.

Other than that, I would offer them up on a local Facebook group.

However, if she's hard up, then perhaps she could see no other option but to sell it? I don't know. It would definitely irk me but I'd try and forget about it. I think the fact that you asked her why she sold the clothes is enough and she probably realises that you must be thinking what you are thinking. I'd probably leave it at that and don't pass anything else on in the future.

I am going to do a car boot sale to make a few pennies for LO by selling clothes and toys that he no longer uses however, this is all stuff we have bought. There are quite a few bits that my sister handed on to me but I know what those items are. She's going to do a boot sale with me so I shall ensure she gets back the stuff she passed on so she can make some pennies for her children.

Sorry for the long reply!

 

[PoppyPainting]

I can see why you are miffed. I wouldn't say anything because you can't be sure that it's your clothes she is selling on.

Thankyou girls for your replies. I do know for sure that at least one item was from me as it was really really distinctive.

 

[robyn1990]

i gave away a load of my LO's clothes to various mums and i always thought if i saw them for sale id feel really awkward haha i dont know why! like id prefer for them to pass them on to someone who needs them but really i have no say anymore lol

deffo see where youre coming from thou x

 

[staralfur]

I think if you didn't make it clear that you didn't want it back, then it's in poor taste. But if you specifically said you don't want them back, then I don't see an issue.

I recently gave a friend $150-200 worth of cloth diapers for her new baby, and while they were a gift, I would still expect her to double check that I didn't have any use for them before selling them. If I didn't want them back and she wanted to sell them, then have at 'er.

 

[_jellybean_]

It wouldn't bother me at all.

 

[bumpbear]

Personally, I would look at the situation as though I had no use for those clothes and had given them to her to help her, so if she felt proceeds from selling them was more useful to her than hand me down clothes, I wouldn't mind a bit. Especially if I had specifically told her not to return them to me once she was done.

 

[d_b]

Seemed a bit weird to me at first, but you did give her the stuff and she did try to pay you for the items.. As long as you made it clear you didn't want it back, I think it's fine.

We got a lot of items from my SIL and forced her to take a bit of money for it. I'll probably sell some of the larger items when I'm ready to get rid of them if I don't know anyone who needs them.

 

[scoobydrlp]

I can see why it's bothersome to you, but on the other hand once you've given it away the stuff doesn't belong to you anymore so she probably felt she could do with it as she pleased. It's kind of a tricky situation.

 

[x__amour]

I don't think it would bother me. I've always donated clothes either to friends or charities and once they're gone I don't really think about them.

 

[sheldonsmommy]

I would say I have received about 90% of my son's clothes from friends and family and I would never turn around and sell them. But once I pass them on to someone else, it's really up to them what happens with them I think.

 

[Sinead82]

I think it's both rude and morally wrong to financially benefit from selling items that have been given to you. If I were you I would be extremely peeved and would let her know it. She didn't buy them and shouldn't be profiting from them, simple as.

I would never sell any of the clothes I have been bought or been given. In fact I wouldn't even sell to one of those clothing companies that pays per weight of bag as I believe it eats into a charity's funds to pay for what they're selling, so I would always donate. If you are in a lucky enough position to be able to buy new clothes for lo, or have friends / family to pass stuff on to you, then you should be helping out those less fortunate by donating to them. There are so many parents struggling and deprived kids out there I would rather see them benefit than make money.

 

[Wriggley]

I have given my mum's friend all my son's clothes except a few items I have kept as keep sakes

95% of my boys clothes I buy from next (I'm a bit obsessed with next clothes). Her baby is 5 months younger then my youngest so I have given all his clothes to her and by the time my LO outgrew them they still look like new

Tbh when my oldest was a baby I tried selling his clothes but people wanted to pay like 20p a item and I begrudged selling like 14 quid next jeans that still looked new for 20p

So with my second son I just gave his clothes to my mums friend.

It has never occurred to me what she would do with them after. Personally I wouldn't sell on clothes that someone had given to us but if someone sells them because they are hard up and need the money then I wouldn't mind them selling them to make a bit of extra money but I would like the money to be used for something needed rather then used for leisure

 

[petite ping]

I think it's both rude and morally wrong to financially benefit from selling items that have been given to you. If I were you I would be extremely peeved and would let her know it. She didn't buy them and shouldn't be profiting from them, simple as.

I would never sell any of the clothes I have been bought or been given. In fact I wouldn't even sell to one of those clothing companies that pays per weight of bag as I believe it eats into a charity's funds to pay for what they're selling, so I would always donate. If you are in a lucky enough position to be able to buy new clothes for lo, or have friends / family to pass stuff on to you, then you should be helping out those less fortunate by donating to them. There are so many parents struggling and deprived kids out there I would rather see them benefit than make money.

I don't see why it is morally wrong or even rude? A lot of LO's clothes have been given to me (given as in no need to return them - they're yours) and some have been lent (mainly newborn clothes). If I give a present to someone, I would expect them to feel free to do what they want with it and not impose conditions or feel put out if they prefer to sell it or throw it away. Would it be morally wrong then for them to bin it if the clothes are stained beyond repair or do they need to ask your permission first? Do you feel this way about all gifts that you give?

A great deal of LO's clothes now come from carboot and garage sales and has been a life saver for us. It also allows her grandmother to buy her bits of clothing that are almost new on her pension. Most of the time I pay 30-50 pence per item which is nothing compared to the price in the shops. When I am through with LO's clothes (and having kids) I do intend to donate the nicer ones to any friends or family who is having kids (or girls) and to sell the rest at a local carboot sale. I don't expect to make much money, but it will empty out the cupboards, make a great day activity with the kids and help some other mom who needs clothes for their kids.

 

[babycrazy1706]

I've sold on stuff I've been given if it's been made clear they don't want it back. I also charity shop some stuff and give stuff away. Xx

 

[_dreamer_]

Can I offer a view from her perspective...I have recently sold some of my los things as we're moving house for space, (although kept the majority for possible future use) and felt its a good time to earn a little extra money. And yes some of the things I've sold were things that were given to me. I didnt even think about it. Once these things have been given (not lent, borrowed or with a condition attached) to us, and my lo has worn them I view them as ours to do with as we needed and half the things I cant remember whether ive bought them new, second hand, given as a new gift or given to me as second hand gift. I doubt very much she was thinking ooo I'm going to sell these things I was given for free and make a profit. She probably felt awkward when you said about it and feels she needs to justify her actions but I just dont see the problem. Once youve given something to someone, its then their property to decide what to do with. You decided to give them away, she has not (she also did the same with things she had brought by the sounds of it so thats her way of thinking), everyone is entitled to make their choice. I have a boxful still left which Im going to give to my cousin whos just had a girl if she would like them, and once shes finished with them I'd be quite happy if she could sell them and continue benefiting from them.

You're perfectly entitled to feel how you do but just offering a different perspective in case it makes you think of it differently

 

[MiniKiwi]

So you confronted her about it?

Honestly, I don't like the idea either. I think that if you're given something and no longer have a use for it, you should do the same and just pass it on to someone you know would appreciate it - not make a profit off somebody elses generosity.

In saying that, if I knew she needed the money then I'd ignore it. You do what you have to to look after your family, she probably didn't think you'd see the items and might feel a bit ashamed.

 

[AngelUK]

Hm this really got me thinking. Not too sure about the whole issue. I have recently given a lot of my boys' clothes to a friend with a younger son. I don't think I would mind if she sold them on when he son was done, but probably would a bit if she did before he used them. But then on the other hand, she doesn't have to have the same taste as me and might not like every item I gave her. But I did tell her that if she didn't have use for it to just hand it on to other mums. So yes I can understand that you were taken aback by her selling the stuff.
On the other hand we were given absolutely gorgeous Pjs for our boys that sadly were too small for them already but I didn't tell the person this as to not hurt him. And since my friend with the little boy is also friends with this person, and she is the only mummy friend I have, I could not hand the pjs to her either. Normally I donate clothes to a children's charity shop but I felt heartless to just give those gorgeous pjs away like that too. So I was planning on selling them on ebay and buying something else for my boys. Now after reading your thread, I am not sure what I should do.

 

[katsbump]

If she sold the clothes before she had used them then I think it's tacky. So if they were all sizes that are now too small for her lo, like things tht the child had clearly outgrown but had theoretically worn at an earlier time, then I think it's okay - even if she never actually used them. Overall, the fact that she didn't do this more privately is in poor taste but maybe she needed the cash. I'd just ignore it and not give her more clothes if it was clear she was selling on things without ever using them. To me that sends a message that she is profiting from your good will and it's unethical in my opinion, as you gave her the the clothes for her child to wear not to set up an online second hand shop.