Seperation should I move back home with parents?

[Ginagg]

Hi everyone.

Its been along time since I posted on here, Im Gina and I have a 17 month old son. I could really do with some advice from you all!

My sons father and I have been having difficulties in our relationship for atleast the last 9 months. We are seperated at the moment - meaning at weekends he comes to stay but during the week he lives back in london in our flat.

Ive spent the last 6 months renting a place closer my parents house, that he has been finacially contributing to. Ive just made the decision to go to Uni in Sept but this means im going to really struggle finacially. Also my uni is 30 miles from where I live at the moment and thats too far with nursery drop offs and traffic.

Here is the problem...Do I move back in with my parents as they have offered whilst I study? They have two double bedrooms spare and it would be so nice in theory, but what about our weekend routine? My FOB is quite a full on person, although my parents do like him- he is too much for them over long peroids of time. My parents dont mind him being around, but obv wont be as relaxed as I would be..

I could just try and find somewhere else? But could really do with staving the money and the extra support through uni and just living in a lovely home. But is it realistically going to work? My grandma lives there too??
What are your opinions?

Thanks ladies
xoxo

 

[bumpbear]

Thats a tough one. Weekend visits aside, often when you have lived away from your parents for a while, when you go back, especially with a child, it can be tricky getting a comfortable balance. You're used to doing things your way with LO and in my experience, when grandparents are around, you lose a bit of authority with your kids.

Having said that, the support and opportunity to save expense is really tempting!

How far is it to travel down to your flat in London - could you not do that on alternate weekends so that every weekend is not awkward with ex-partner in your parents house?

 

[Button#]

I think in your situation I would probably move in with my parents.

 

[Foogirl]

I'd move in with the parents and find a different weekend routine that suits everyone. He could find a cheap B&B to stay at or you could go to him. If it's only the weekends that would be the problem with all the benefits of staying at home, I'd want to take that up for sure.

 

[biglebowski]

Id say as long as you feel happy with living with your parents Id move back in with them. The additional support they could offer during your studies will be great for you and lo. Just make sure you establish firm boundaries if you feel they may overstep in any area. I get on great with my parents and would feel happy leaving lo with them as they would follow my parenting. So thats probably influencing my response. Its a great opportunity to save some cash to get your own place once uni is over. Im sure you can speak to your OH and he should understand your focus is stability and support for your lo.

 

[Ginagg]

Thank you all so much, its so hard to know whats best for everyone including my parents. Although they have offered it is a huge commitment and I wouldnt want to put them in a situation that they're uncomfortable in their own home.

I think I will give it a try and as you have all sugested maybe every other weekend go and spend it in london with him. Its not too far about 60 miles so do able.

Even if I do only stay for say 4 months, then move before uni I have four months worth of saving behind me.

Thank you all so much again.

xox

 

[Foogirl]

I'd give it at least 6 months to see if it works. That's usually the tipping point! Plus, studying with a LO as a single mum is going to be tough. It will be brilliant to have your parents as support.

 

[Ginagg]

Yeh, all I can do is give it a try- its a law degree too so its exteremely intense. I think it should be ok, I think I'm just worried my lb time with his daddy would suffer but I guess it might be time to start letting him go to stay with his dad by himself to. We are in this state of limbo..we arnt together but were too involved with eachtother to be completly seperate if that makes sense?

xox

 

[Foogirl]

Totally makes sense. It can be hard to walk away from someone you've shared so much with. It's really great that you have a good relationship with him still. That's the best thing you can do for your LO.

 

[tommyg]

I'd move in with your parent's. You'll need their support.
I'd also look at changing your weekend routine. Spending every weekend together seems a bit much if your are no longer a couple ie it's putting you in limbo your not going for a future together as a couple but your not exactly free to find someone else.

 

[Rags]

I agree with many of the others. I did move in with my mum after ds was born even though I had a place of my own only a few minutes away. It has been lovely for all of us and has taken away all the stress of going to work when ds is unwell, having to put him in nursery at a young age etc. Of course there has to be some compromise, on both sides, but I think that is a good thing for children to grow up around and understand - a good life lesson. I feel privilaged to have been raised during my early years in a house with my parents and 1 set of grandparents. It was a lovely way to be brought up and I personaly feel quite sad that the whole extended family thing has deteriated so much these days. Good luck what every you decide.

 

[lhancock90]

I would move back to hun and alternate spending weekends between here and London.

Good for you with the law degree! When you pass all the struggle and hardship now will of been completely worth it

 

[TryinFor1]

I would move back in with my parents too. My oh and I are having some serious issues and this is our last shot in our marriage. I also go to college so he