serious trust issues with OH

Discussion in 'Pregnancy - Third Trimester' started by JustMe., Apr 2, 2011.

  1. JustMe.

    JustMe. Well-Known Member

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    Right where to begin. Ive been with my OH for almost 4 years, we got together when I was 15. We met on holiday when we were like 13 though so Ive known him longer than 4 years. We met on a haven caravan site where we both went on holiday every summer, and i know what him and his brother were like, they basically had a different girl every week back then. Anyway when we got together i really trusted him untill on his bebo i saw a comment from another girl saying stuff like hes a prick for messing her around when hes got a gf (me) and stuff like that. He denied it and said he didnt even know the girl, only i found out weeks later he did know her and it was all true. However, i forgave him. Throughout our whole relationship (apart from these last 9 months) his ex gf has constantly been trying to split us up, saying he still loves her etc. So we agreed to not bother ever to speak to her again, but he secretly still did behind my back. Then one day (we'd been together about 2 years at this point) i find out hes cheated on me with her (just kissed a few times). So we broke up for a couple of months. When we got back everythng was great at first, but i didnt really trust him so id hack his facebook and find emails to other girls who then told me he'd been asking to "shag" them and stuff. He denied all this. Then i saw comments to this girl saying how fit she is, and we broke up again. This was last year in feb and we got bk again in july. Since we've been back, ive found emails to other girls saying he wants to have sex with them etc, and to come and meet him, these emails were sent last july just as we got back together. Since ive been pregnant i havent found anything else, except once he was looking at pictures of other girls on the internet. I know throughout our relationship he has lied to me alot, sayin stuff like he doesnt use facebook anymre cus he's forgotten his passwords etc when i no full well he hasnt. Recently ive been worryin, like if he texts me when hes at work 2 see how i am il think it was meant for another girl and he just accidently sent it to me and stuff like that. I also dont feel good enough for him, just really ugly. And ive got into my head hes seein another girl when i no hes prob not as hes changed alot since ive been pregnant. He is a good bf, he always does stuff for me. I forgot to mention that we were long distance so would only see him every other weekend, now we live together. I dont no why ive suddenly become so suspicious of him. Sorry its so long just needed to vent!
     
  2. bernina

    bernina Well-Known Member

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    I don't really have any advice other than to always go with your gut instincts in a situation like this. His track record obviously doesn't speak well of him, but he also is still young and it may be a phase he is slowly growing out of (although he may remain this way forever). Just wanted to give you :hugs: and wish you all the best in your pregnancy.
     
  3. JustMe.

    JustMe. Well-Known Member

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    also, he has sworn on my life before that he has never done anything with another girl apart from kiss, but a few months back i found out he has fingered another girl (i found out from emails on his fb). He's told me hes never slept with anyone else and that he lost his virginity to me, but i think he is lying to me about this aswell :( x
     
  4. bernina

    bernina Well-Known Member

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    My gut tells me you are absolutely correct, that he has fooled around on you, there are just too many situations you describe for them all to be misunderstandings, vindictive exes, etc, etc. He may very well grow to be a good man, but right now he's a very immature boy.
     
  5. myboysarecute

    myboysarecute Well-Known Member

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    im sorry but you need to ditch that c**t he has no respect for you,you deserve better.
     
  6. Mala

    Mala Active Member

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    I have advice lol, because I've been there many times, guys that think their slick! See you made a big mistake, you took him back each time, this gave him power, not to crush you down or anything, I've done the same. I would have girls telling me my ex was asking them out to dinner while I was working my ass off at work 5 day's a week and he stayed at home facebooking and pretending to be a "rapper" TOTAL LOSER...Anyways, stop wasting your time, he doesn't deserve you, and if this was real love he'd never put you through such pain, he'd be man enough to end things with you before going for another girl, also thats a lack of respect. A friend of mine is actually going through a horrible situation with her boyfriend and this guy's a complete douche, so I told her to pack a bag, and go back home for the night and teach him a lesson, how easy it is for him to lose her! Hope that helps, and like the above post, always always always follow your gut.
     
  7. AP

    AP Well-Known Member
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    This man definatly sounds like he is a compulsive liar and will tell you anything he thinks you want to hear. :nope:

    Bernina is right. It is possible that he could grow out of it, but I've been there, done that, and it took 4 years. Is it worth wasting your time and life on a relationship where you have no trust? Only you can work that one out hun. You've let him get away with so much already that he might realise just how easy it is to do it again. Gut instinct is often right so be careful. :shrug:

    It may be that now you live together, and have LO on her way, that he is beginning to settle. But a new baby also brings huge strains and I'm sure it will be a telling time. LO's birth may bring the whole "family" thing home to him too.

    I can only really wish you the best and don't nag him if theres no evidence to do so. But if you feel somethings not right, just keep alert.
     
  8. tropicana

    tropicana Well-Known Member

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    same happend to me with my ex and he was always seeing other girls while i was pregnant, he said hed stop i believed him.. 4months after baby was born we split up because he always lied and cheated.

    once a cheater always a cheater imo :( sorry
     
  9. nicole_

    nicole_ Aidy's Mummy

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    if he never had the respect to be faithful to you in the past, hes not gunna change
    he knows he can do pretty much whatever he likes and you wont do anything so he might aswell carry on
    will only end up badly imo, not a nice environment to bring a child up in
     
  10. Keza

    Keza Well-Known Member

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    You really need to get rid of this bloke ive known men like this who have done this kinda stuff to my best friends. They are a waste of space you can do so much better.
     
  11. CLH_X3

    CLH_X3 Love my two babies!

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    He sounds like a conpulsive liar ... I'm surprised u have ever taken him back!
    I hope he's still not cheating !
     
  12. shimmy

    shimmy mummy , daddy and baby

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    I'll be honest.. I was in a relationship from 14-19 I cheated a lied , on and offline. He always took me back and I had no respect for him because of it and felt like I could just walk all over him. I was horrible. I met my DH a few months after breaking it off with ex and as soon as we settled into a real relationship I realised that I wouldn't ever do that to someone I truly loved. I would never cheat on DH I love and have so much respect for him and am thankful I got out of my teenage relationship. What I mean to say is do you think he truly loves you if he can do that sort of thing ? Are you just in a relationship because of the familiarity and if someone else treated you like this and you were not pregnant would you still stay with them? Maybe have a really good talk with him without confrontations, maybe I know it sounds silly but what about couples therapy? You need to get.all these trust issues out of the way and get down to the roots of his misbehavior and ultimately build a stronger relationship because it would be nicer if it worked. For you and baby xxx
     
  13. bellablue

    bellablue Mom of 2 girls 1 son 😊

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    You have every right to feel the way you do.

    You never realiazed it before cause you were long distance now you live together so you know what hes up to

    asking women to have sex is disgusting what man says that!

    Kinda pathetic!

    You shouldn't feel down on your self hun really you are amazing and caring a beautiful child never let a man make you feel less then a women that you are.

    Hold your head up high and know that you are amazing

    gOOd luck hun
     
  14. CheerCoach

    CheerCoach Well-Known Member

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    :hugs: Go with your instincts...they won't mislead you. You deserve to be happy and not worry about those things...I wish you the best of luck!
     
  15. PeanutBean

    PeanutBean Mumma to Byron & Indigo

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    Yeah...I don't normally put do this/do that type advice on here especially about relationships as there's usually more to it than at first appears but this seems pretty clear cut. He's an immature knob and you'll no doubt find yourself far happier just you and LO instead of worrying about what he's up to all the time. You'll have cares enough being a mother. I also am amazed you've managed to let him treat you like this for four years and are still wanting to be with him.
     
  16. Lizzeh

    Lizzeh Aurora <3

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    What a *******, I'd have ditched him after the first episode of cheating. You deserve so much better than him, hun.
     
  17. Jess812

    Jess812 Jacob & Connor <3

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    id get rid! hes constant lying to you, denying it all when the proof is there!! is been longer than just a year, hes not going to stop!!!

    You deserve SO much better than that :hugs:
     
  18. JustMe.

    JustMe. Well-Known Member

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    Thanks for all the advice everyone. On our months apart, last year and the year before, i had other boyfriends but it just wasnt right, its only ever felt right with my OH and i honestly dont know why. When i wasnt with him i was a complete and utter mess and just completley fell apart in every way possible. I actually dont know why and it makes me feel so ashamed now but i depended on alcohol, id only feel okay if id been drinking vodka :nope: and trust me i know how stupid that sounds. I dont know whats right, my family like my OH, ive spoke to my mum etc and they all say its clear he loves me. My family would not lie to me. I think i am just paranoid and need to let the past go as nothing else has hapened since we've had baby on the way. He's 20 this month maybe he is finally begining to mature!x
     
  19. Reid

    Reid mom of 1

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    i would have kicked his ass 2 the curb long ago hun but at the end of the day this is somthing u have 2 work out on ur own
    i believe that me and george have been 2gether the 11 years we have because i would never cheat on him and he would never cheat on me theres 110% trust there and i think its 1 of the most important things in a relationship if u want 2 give it another go then sit him down and set out some ground rules hes going 2 have 2 win ur trust back but thats only if u think hes worth it hun good luck with it xx
     

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