Seriously annoyed with FIL

[mrsthomas623]

May I have a rant please?

This past Saturday, we held Nolan's 1st birthday party! We had such a good day, set out a bunch of baby pools and sprinklers, had all of Nolan's friends over... it was wonderful.

The issue is my 2.5 year old nephew, (we will call J) who I love dearly. Well, J is quite obviously FIL's favored grandchild (it is just J and Nolan) he is always buying him toys and he watches him a lot because BIL and his wife are either working or going out to bars. I am not saying FIL doesn't love Nolan, he does... but there is definitely a difference in how they are treated. TBH, J is becoming a bit of a spoiled brat, getting aggressive with Nolan, he will snatch toys right out from under him and get in his face and YELL at him... poor Nolan has no idea what is going on. I should mention, J is not like this as much with his parents around, only when FIL is there.

ANYWAY- Nolan's party is going very well, DH sits on the floor with Nolan to start opening gifts and everyone sits down to watch. We aren't even through opening the first gift when I look over and FIL is making a huge deal out of giving J a gift and having him open it in front of everyone. (This wasn;t even a 'family' function, it was our friends and neighbors who don;t even know FIL or J) He is going on and on about how he knows how hard it is for J to watch someone else open gifts and he doesn't have any. I wanted to be like "seriously!!! The other 14 kids that are 3 and under are just fine watching Nolan open gifts and not having their own!" I was very hurt by the fact that he stole the attention away from Nolan on his day, even though Nolan won't remember it, I found it really inappropriate. Then he took J into the other room to play with his new toy and didn't even watch Nolan open his gifts.

Am I wrong for being annoyed?

 

[Parkep]

WOW no! I would be pissed! It was your LO's day! And to have a "favorite" is not right either! What does your OH say? Maybe he needs to have a word with him!

 

[mrsthomas623]

DH was annoyed but will never say anything to his dad. It really is a awkward situation because FIL does love Nolan and comes over almost weekly to visit and helps out when we need him, will come over at the drop of a hat if we need help with something... but he definitely does more and gives more to J. I really want to say something about the whole gift situation but don't want to create family drama. A big problem is FIL and MIL divorced when DH was 2, and both have remarried later on but they do not see eye to eye on anything. When FIL was making these comments that J is just too young to understand why he can't have a gift (coughbullshitcough) he was making snide remarks at MIL that this is what a good grandparent should do... blah blah blah.

I forgot to mention that J was sitting on the floor with his mom and dad, watching Nolan and DH open gifts with a smile on his face, being great... when FIL shoves a gift in front of him... grrrrr... I am getting more and more annoyed.

 

[Parkep]

Hmm, thats tough! I would be super annoyed too though! I dont know how I would have handled it. I know my OH is always one to speak up so he always does it for me if its not his family he would say it in a "sarcastic" way iykwim? So I am afraid i am not much help haha
But i do agree with you lol

 

[JMC82]

I think it was really out of order. What an awkward situation for you to be in!!

Plus he's really not doing J any favours as won't he just end up expecting a present on everyone else's birthday? x

 

[lilmisspink]

Totally agree with JMC82 he will definitely expect a present everytime someone has a birthday, surely its not a great way to teach children that they have to wait their turn!!x

 

[MissPiggy]

O dear, i fear i would have had to say something...but as i keep being told im gobby...its not surprising....Poor J will now think thats a perfectly normal thing to do...and probably the other kids are thinking..hey...whats going on with that!!
Also extremely rude on your FIL part and i would have taken him aside and had a few choice words =/ xxx

 

[amie-leigh]

i would have been really annoyed that he made such a fuss about giving the other child a present

 

[mrsthomas623]

O dear, i fear i would have had to say something...but as i keep being told im gobby...its not surprising....Poor J will now think thats a perfectly normal thing to do...and probably the other kids are thinking..hey...whats going on with that!!
Also extremely rude on your FIL part and i would have taken him aside and had a few choice words =/ xxx

I really really wanted to say something but I just don't want to cause drama. And didn't want to make a big stink about it in front of our friends. My plan is to be passive aggressive about it and make comments to BIL about it and hope it gets back to FIL so it doesn't happen again.

 

[MissPiggy]

O dear, i fear i would have had to say something...but as i keep being told im gobby...its not surprising....Poor J will now think thats a perfectly normal thing to do...and probably the other kids are thinking..hey...whats going on with that!!
Also extremely rude on your FIL part and i would have taken him aside and had a few choice words =/ xxx

I really really wanted to say something but I just don't want to cause drama. And didn't want to make a big stink about it in front of our friends. My plan is to be passive aggressive about it and make comments to BIL about it and hope it gets back to FIL so it doesn't happen again.

Hopefully, it'll work chick...fingers crossed...i am still pretty gobsmacked at him doing that to be honest!! xxxx

 

[Heather9603]

My biggest concern is that he gave J a gift. Kids need to learn that it is NOT always about them!

This weekend I was at a friends baby shower. And the girl hosting, her little girl kept wanting to help open gifts or look at the gifts. It wasn't a jealousy thing really, but it was more of a "helper" attitude (she's such a sweet little girl) Well L at one point did ask "Why don't I have gifts?" And her mom said that these gifts are for so and so's baby, its not time for L to get gifts right now.

She oh so calmly goes "Ohhhh!" And quickly goes back to saying OH HOW CUTE! To every gift being opened, hehe.

Anyway, my point is, what lesson does the kid learn when they realize that even on someone elses day, THEY can get a bunch of attention? That kid will grow up to throw tantrums when REAL life hits (Didn't get picked first in gym class, didn't get the lunch seat he wanted, didn't get picked for prom king, didn't get the job he wanted)

 

[mrsthomas623]

O dear, i fear i would have had to say something...but as i keep being told im gobby...its not surprising....Poor J will now think thats a perfectly normal thing to do...and probably the other kids are thinking..hey...whats going on with that!!
Also extremely rude on your FIL part and i would have taken him aside and had a few choice words =/ xxx

I really really wanted to say something but I just don't want to cause drama. And didn't want to make a big stink about it in front of our friends. My plan is to be passive aggressive about it and make comments to BIL about it and hope it gets back to FIL so it doesn't happen again.

Hopefully, it'll work chick...fingers crossed...i am still pretty gobsmacked at him doing that to be honest!! xxxx

They all think I am way too overprotective of Nolan, so I am sure it will just be another roll of their eyes and stupid comments.

 

[MissPiggy]

O dear, i fear i would have had to say something...but as i keep being told im gobby...its not surprising....Poor J will now think thats a perfectly normal thing to do...and probably the other kids are thinking..hey...whats going on with that!!
Also extremely rude on your FIL part and i would have taken him aside and had a few choice words =/ xxx

I really really wanted to say something but I just don't want to cause drama. And didn't want to make a big stink about it in front of our friends. My plan is to be passive aggressive about it and make comments to BIL about it and hope it gets back to FIL so it doesn't happen again.

Hopefully, it'll work chick...fingers crossed...i am still pretty gobsmacked at him doing that to be honest!! xxxx

They all think I am way too overprotective of Nolan, so I am sure it will just be another roll of their eyes and stupid comments.

Make sure you do it back when they ever moan at you about him!!!

Im very lucky to have a small amount of my family nearby literally just my mum and nan, and they are very supportive so i wont have this problem...however i do have sharp tongue so i dont think they would dare haha! xxx

 

[mrsthomas623]

My biggest concern is that he gave J a gift. Kids need to learn that it is NOT always about them!

This weekend I was at a friends baby shower. And the girl hosting, her little girl kept wanting to help open gifts or look at the gifts. It wasn't a jealousy thing really, but it was more of a "helper" attitude (she's such a sweet little girl) Well L at one point did ask "Why don't I have gifts?" And her mom said that these gifts are for so and so's baby, its not time for L to get gifts right now.

She oh so calmly goes "Ohhhh!" And quickly goes back to saying OH HOW CUTE! To every gift being opened, hehe.

Anyway, my point is, what lesson does the kid learn when they realize that even on someone elses day, THEY can get a bunch of attention? That kid will grow up to throw tantrums when REAL life hits (Didn't get picked first in gym class, didn't get the lunch seat he wanted, didn't get picked for prom king, didn't get the job he wanted)

Exactly! All of the other kids there were perfectly happy to sit there and watch Nolan open his gifts, not a single kid threw a fit or even whined about it. *sigh*

 

[puppycat]

I'd have said something too, probably gone in to the room and asked exactly why he'd come to the party if not to see the BIRTHDAY BOY open his gifts - how rude!!

 

[MissCherry15]

I myself would have gone ape! saying that though, jamies parents always make nasty remarks about me or something etc to my face and i just bite my lip. Only cause jamie sides with them and i would loose him if i confronted his parents. but believe me, i would not stand for what he did, that is one of the things i would stand up about. Just like jamies aunties bf who kept fucking taking my daughters dummy out her mouth yelling at her for having it then pretending to throw it in the garden and poor her went searching and the dick had it in his hand, then scared her all evening at the last family event.
Now that really ticked me.
But back to the present thing, if J cant take watching other kids get presents then maybe he shouldnt ever go to birthdays. Let him miss out, id tell you FIL and BIL that if he is so god damn snobby at his age then maybe he should miss out on the parties xx

 

[mrsthomas623]

I myself would have gone ape! saying that though, jamies parents always make nasty remarks about me or something etc to my face and i just bite my lip. Only cause jamie sides with them and i would loose him if i confronted his parents. but believe me, i would not stand for what he did, that is one of the things i would stand up about. Just like jamies aunties bf who kept fucking taking my daughters dummy out her mouth yelling at her for having it then pretending to throw it in the garden and poor her went searching and the dick had it in his hand, then scared her all evening at the last family event.
Now that really ticked me.
But back to the present thing, if J cant take watching other kids get presents then maybe he shouldnt ever go to birthdays. Let him miss out, id tell you FIL and BIL that if he is so god damn snobby at his age then maybe he should miss out on the parties xx

I have nothing bad to say about J himself, I love him to pieces, just the fact that his parents and grandpa are making him spoiled. J was sitting there as happy as can be, watching Nolan when grandpa insisted he needed a gift.

Its just sad that in the last 6 months I have watched J go from a sweet, loving, kind boy to an aggressive, naughty little guy.

 

[MissCherry15]

I myself would have gone ape! saying that though, jamies parents always make nasty remarks about me or something etc to my face and i just bite my lip. Only cause jamie sides with them and i would loose him if i confronted his parents. but believe me, i would not stand for what he did, that is one of the things i would stand up about. Just like jamies aunties bf who kept fucking taking my daughters dummy out her mouth yelling at her for having it then pretending to throw it in the garden and poor her went searching and the dick had it in his hand, then scared her all evening at the last family event.
Now that really ticked me.
But back to the present thing, if J cant take watching other kids get presents then maybe he shouldnt ever go to birthdays. Let him miss out, id tell you FIL and BIL that if he is so god damn snobby at his age then maybe he should miss out on the parties xx

I have nothing bad to say about J himself, I love him to pieces, just the fact that his parents and grandpa are making him spoiled. J was sitting there as happy as can be, watching Nolan when grandpa insisted he needed a gift.

Its just sad that in the last 6 months I have watched J go from a sweet, loving, kind boy to an aggressive, naughty little guy.

Sadly some people I.e FIL just dont know how react with kids, its unfair that they treat just J differently.

Are the your sister and BIL also treating him like this to encourage the behaviour? x