Sex or no sex?

[spunky84]

DH really wants to have sex (it's been over a month now). I want to, but I'm scared to.

Between 5+4 and 7+3 I spotted brown with some small brown clots in between. 7+4 was the first day I didn't have any spotting. 7+5 I had my first midwife appt and she did a pelvic exam. She said to expect some spotting from that (which I knew was possible, but I'm glad she reminded me that it's normal). Then I spotted brown from 7+5 until 8+1.

Thankfully no more spotting since then. The whole spotting ordeal has made me rather delicate to it. I've struggled with anxiety ever since. She prescribed buspar for when I become non functional (that's how bad it would get - just lay in bed crying).

Since I've stopped spotting, I've only had 1 or 2 really bad anxiety days and had to take it (I'm really trying to take it as sparingly as I possibly can). Most days when I start to panic, I've been (thankfully) able to find the heartbeat on the doppler to simmer me right down.

I'm wondering if I have a sensitive cervix this time around. With DD the only spotting I had was IB. Even with the pelvic exam or any sex I had never caused any spotting. My midwife never said anything about no sex. It's also not an issue of not wanting to have sex. Just scared to have sex.

I know sex can't cause a miscarriage. I'm just scared it's going to make me spot again, and I'm not sure I can handle the spotting again if it's something I can avoid. Unless I give it a shot once and see how it goes??? If it causes more spotting, maybe talk to my midwife at my next appt in 2 weeks?

I feel so torn. It's just my fear of more spotting that's holding me back. With DD I had no sex drive. This time I do, but I'm too scared to

 

[xprincessx]

Me and OH have been carrying on as normal. I was worried in the beginning and put it off but it has been fine. I know how you feel though. If it made me spot I would be concerned to do it too x

 

[Leafy]

At my midwife appointment she said if you've had spotting/bleeding then to leave sex for a couple of weeks but then its ok to do it again if you have had no spotting for a fortnight or so. If you think you might be sensitive then i'd just do it REALLY slow/gentle for now & see what happens!

 

[Khadijah-x]

Hi

Me and OH haven't had sex since we found out. After my second miscarriage (previous relationship in 2010) a doctor gold me 'having sex in pregnancy has no evidence to cause any problems in a 'normal' pregnancy, but because of your losses I would suggest obtaining for the first 12 weeks'.

That is ringing through my ears and I think we will wait until 12 weeks. Even if it wouldn't cause any problems, if it did cause spotting I would be super anxious and the stress wouldn't be worth it. We will just find other ways to be intimate for now

 

[Catith]

Even if you do spot after sex, spotting after sex in the first trimester is completely normal. Small amounts of spotting is pretty normal all around early in pregnancy if there is not serious cramping or increasing in amount. If you want to have sex, do it and if you spot after don't even worry. If the midwife was worried, she'd have said so.

 

[spunky84]

I was really anxious during and panicked a few times, but was able to relax after a bit. So far no spotting Maybe it'll wait for a few days and come out brown, but I feel confident enough to not worry. I'm sure this'll make DH happy as I've been putting it off for this reason

 

[Buffyx]

We have been continuing as normal, but I havent had any bleeding. I understand why you're hesitant!

 

[Dark_Star]

Due to spotting I've been on pelvic rest which includes no sex, no orgasms.

I still enjoy making DH happy though, if you know what I mean

 

[spunky84]

Due to spotting I've been on pelvic rest which includes no sex, no orgasms.

I still enjoy making DH happy though, if you know what I mean

For awhile I was scared to even orgasm. But after awhile, I kept having sex dreams which rendered that impossible

I got over my fear of orgasm after a few sex dreams lol

Do you know how that situation impacts those on pelvic rest? I'm honestly curious since I think those situations are out of your control (always have been curious about that). Unless they just mean intentional ones...?

 

[Dark_Star]

I don't know. I have sleep orgasms too, at least once a month when I am sexually active and probably more often when I am not.
Orgasms cause the uterus and vagina to contract and spasm for up to 30 minutes afterwards, so I just don't want to chance intentional ones when I have a SCH.

 

[spunky84]

Wow, I didn't know they lasted 30 minutes afterwards!

Hmm. Maybe then they just mean intentional ones as obviously you have no control in your sleep. It's just something I've always wondered about in those situations.

 

[Dark_Star]

I don't have a source for that statistic, I just remember reading it on this forum somewhere. It may be wrong.

 

[spunky84]

I could believe it though! It does sound kind of familiar now that I think about it (maybe from when I was pregnant with DD?).

I was curious so I just googled it, and it does say up to half an hour from the What to Expect When Expecting book. Interesting!