sharing dilemma....please help!

[Destiny08]

Hi, so my daughter is 22 months old now and has a friend who is a few months younger - I'm friends with his mother too, so they spend a lot of time together.
Lately the issue of sharing has come up. I tend to believe that whoever has a toy first, plays with that toy till they're done with it. If my daughter takes something off her son, i simply say 'hang on honey, he's playing with that toy now, why dont you play with x until it's your turn?' but the majority of the time, she's very good at not snatching. However my friend's son ALWAYS takes toys off my daughter (and he flits from toy to toy only playing with 1 for a couple of minutes before moving on) and more often than not, breaks it. My friend does nothing about it, but when my daughter retaliates and says'no' or 'dont touch',(never hits or bites or anything like that) my friend has started saying 'oh dear, she really needs to learn to share...' but im thinking well no...your son needs to learn not to snatch off my daughter...

Am i being irrational? It's really starting to bug me that a) she wont stop her son snatching off my daughter and teaching him that that's wrong...and b) acts like my daughter is the 1 in the wrong when she gets upset at having the toy taken off her...how do i talk to my friend about it? I'm not good with confrontation but it's really starting to make me angry...and I'm the kind of person who will hold it in and then explode lol anf I don't want to ruin a friendship over it...
Thanks for reading

 

[seoj]

I completely agree with you - I would never make my daughter give up a toy just to "share" as she had it first- AND- visa versa. If she grabs for a toy, I simply say "so and so it playing with that right now, you need to take turns. Why don't you play with this till he/she is done?". I don't actually think "sharing" is the right term- I say Take Turns. As sometimes when you share things, like food, you don't get it back. LOL. Just my two cents on that though...

As for how to handle it with your friend- maybe, the next time it happens, you could bring it up then. I hate confrontation too- ESPECIALLY when it comes to parenting- as it seems no matter how gently you approach giving "advise" it can be taken wrong. But personally, I would just bring it up next time your friend is over. Simply say- I think we need to be a united front on this whole "sharing" thing. Maybe tell her your thoughts and ask how she would like to handle it. You could just say "I think sharing is great, but I try not allow my LO to take toys off other kids so she understand how to take turns. What are your thoughts?"-- it might just open up that line of communication. My SIL and I also had that talk- not because of any issues though, so it was very amicable and we both agreed to ask our girls to "take turns" and not allow toys taken off eachother. They are 7mos apart.

 

[MrsT&Ben]

I have this same issue with a Friend of mine. Her daughter is very possessive and often bullies my son. She will fight over toys with him and torment him when he is playing nicely. My friend just laughs it off where as I will always try and break up the situation (normally by telling my son to give the toy up). It pisses me off that my son always has to give up what he is playing with.
Yesterday friends daughter was pouring sand over my sons head and friend said bugger all. Ben retaliated and friend said oh it's one of those days is it. Really gets on my nerves. Disapline your damn child!! (Sorry for the rant!)

 

[Destiny08]

Thanks lol its good to know others have the same issue! I just dont understand how her son getting whatever he wants when he wants it is 'sharing' but when my daughter wants to play with a toy that she hasnt taken off anyone, suddenly she's selfish.
Oh also 1 of the comments she made was 'yea, the sharing always has to be on her terms'...i was stunned lol

Grr.

 

[MrsT&Ben]

Thanks lol its good to know others have the same issue! I just dont understand how her son getting whatever he wants when he wants it is 'sharing' but when my daughter wants to play with a toy that she hasnt taken off anyone, suddenly she's selfish.
Oh also 1 of the comments she made was 'yea, the sharing always has to be on her terms'...i was stunned lol

Grr.

I honestly think some parents go round with blinkers on! They just can't see their child is doing anything wrong.
Can't wait til my friends daughter starts preschool. Friend will be hearing a few home truths!! (Sorry that isn't meant to sound as nasty as it does!)