truthbtold
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I figured I would share my story. More of a vent session really because most people in your everyday life can't understand the crazy emotions you experience with GD. Im 31, a mother of three boys 11, 4, and 1. As a kid I was raised by my father's mother who was older and not really into girly girl things. So growing up I longed for that strong mother daughter connection. I swore I would grow up and be extremely close with my daughter. Only problem is I dont have one.
In 2001, with my first son I didnt experience GD. I thought it would be great that my daughter would have a big brother and second I was young and more concerned with finishing college. (7 years later I have met my future husband) In 2008, I become pregnant with my second son I was sad, disappointed but not devasted because my fiance swore he would never have a son because his family is 90% women, so him being happy made me happy I felt like I did something great for him. In 2010 we get married and I get pregnant. Insert from my journal:
Mckinley Elyse my Angel.
"I always said I wanted to be done having kids by the age 30 so you can imagine how happy I was to find out I was pregnant 8/10/2010. My honeymoon baby conceived in the beautiful island of Aruba. My happiness turned to pure bliss when I found out I was having a girl, words cannot express the joy you feel when you finally have your prayers answered. Not that I didnt love being a mom to my boys but when you grow up without a mother you long for that mother/daughter bond. Being blessed with McKinley I was now able to have that bond. The pregnancy was going beautifully, maybe too good to be true. On 12/2/2010 I woke up so excited to get my anatomy scan, but as my appointment began I could tell something was wrong. The technican was paying way to much attention to my lower pelvis. The doctor comes in and tells me that my cervix is thinned and I have to go to maternity, once there I learn I was 4 cm dilated, I couldnt get a cerclage because there was a risk or breaking my water. The doctors wanted me to induce labor that day. Inducing labor at that point was out of the question..how could they ask me to do that when I have a perfectly healthy baby girl kicking inside me. I opted for strict hospital bed rest and I will tell you that its not a walk in the park its hard to lay in bed all day especially when you have a family at home that needs you. On, 12/17/2010 Infection set in, my uterus was infected, the baby was infected, and I was getting sicker by the hour, at this point I had not choice but to induce labor the doctors said as long as I remained pregnant, the infection would spread through my body and I could die. After the worse labor induction ever McKlinley Elyse was born 12/19/2010 at 1:16 am weighing 1lb. I held her but my husband couldnt so funny because men are suppose to be so strong. I think that was the saddest day of my life. I felt like god had played a cruel joke on me. Moving on has been so hard, and I seen so many women go through loses but you never understand the pain until you experience it yourself. I was so naive to think I could never be in these shoes. But Im here."
I got pregnant 4 months after losing my daughter with my 3rd son. For the first few weeks I just knew he was a girl, why wouldnt he be I was getting my blessing back but at my 11 week NT Scan I was brought back to reality. As soon as the tech said boy I lost it, I cried and cried. The pain was too much to deal with. I regretted ever getting pregnant. When my 20 week scan came around I was still down, nothing could bring me out of my funk. I dont think I truly got myself together until a few weeks before he was born. But when I saw him it was love at first sight. He is so different from my other two boys so calm, and easy going. He is the best baby he hardly ever cried he just went with the flow. I find myself running home just to see him. He really brightens my day. I love him to pieces and cant imagine not having him.
Moving Forward, me and DH decided to give this one more go. So here I am TTC team pink once again but trying to stay strong in case I have to hear boy once again.
In 2001, with my first son I didnt experience GD. I thought it would be great that my daughter would have a big brother and second I was young and more concerned with finishing college. (7 years later I have met my future husband) In 2008, I become pregnant with my second son I was sad, disappointed but not devasted because my fiance swore he would never have a son because his family is 90% women, so him being happy made me happy I felt like I did something great for him. In 2010 we get married and I get pregnant. Insert from my journal:
Mckinley Elyse my Angel.
"I always said I wanted to be done having kids by the age 30 so you can imagine how happy I was to find out I was pregnant 8/10/2010. My honeymoon baby conceived in the beautiful island of Aruba. My happiness turned to pure bliss when I found out I was having a girl, words cannot express the joy you feel when you finally have your prayers answered. Not that I didnt love being a mom to my boys but when you grow up without a mother you long for that mother/daughter bond. Being blessed with McKinley I was now able to have that bond. The pregnancy was going beautifully, maybe too good to be true. On 12/2/2010 I woke up so excited to get my anatomy scan, but as my appointment began I could tell something was wrong. The technican was paying way to much attention to my lower pelvis. The doctor comes in and tells me that my cervix is thinned and I have to go to maternity, once there I learn I was 4 cm dilated, I couldnt get a cerclage because there was a risk or breaking my water. The doctors wanted me to induce labor that day. Inducing labor at that point was out of the question..how could they ask me to do that when I have a perfectly healthy baby girl kicking inside me. I opted for strict hospital bed rest and I will tell you that its not a walk in the park its hard to lay in bed all day especially when you have a family at home that needs you. On, 12/17/2010 Infection set in, my uterus was infected, the baby was infected, and I was getting sicker by the hour, at this point I had not choice but to induce labor the doctors said as long as I remained pregnant, the infection would spread through my body and I could die. After the worse labor induction ever McKlinley Elyse was born 12/19/2010 at 1:16 am weighing 1lb. I held her but my husband couldnt so funny because men are suppose to be so strong. I think that was the saddest day of my life. I felt like god had played a cruel joke on me. Moving on has been so hard, and I seen so many women go through loses but you never understand the pain until you experience it yourself. I was so naive to think I could never be in these shoes. But Im here."
I got pregnant 4 months after losing my daughter with my 3rd son. For the first few weeks I just knew he was a girl, why wouldnt he be I was getting my blessing back but at my 11 week NT Scan I was brought back to reality. As soon as the tech said boy I lost it, I cried and cried. The pain was too much to deal with. I regretted ever getting pregnant. When my 20 week scan came around I was still down, nothing could bring me out of my funk. I dont think I truly got myself together until a few weeks before he was born. But when I saw him it was love at first sight. He is so different from my other two boys so calm, and easy going. He is the best baby he hardly ever cried he just went with the flow. I find myself running home just to see him. He really brightens my day. I love him to pieces and cant imagine not having him.
Moving Forward, me and DH decided to give this one more go. So here I am TTC team pink once again but trying to stay strong in case I have to hear boy once again.
and I really hope you hear pink some day soon ! xx
