Should I go.. or should I not go?

rustyswife828

TTC 2nd miracle baby
Joined
May 19, 2009
Messages
3,260
Reaction score
2
Ok.. So I have PCOS.. I miscarried at 8 weeks last year.. Was taking clomid when we conceived.. Anyway so I have 4 cousins with me being the oldest.. My oldest cousin had a kid about 4 years ago.. Now his sister which is my next oldest cousin is having a baby also.. She is currently 35 weeks now.. When I talked to her she was like oh I'm so happy I'm having a baby and it's something I've always wanted.. I just had to hold back my tears.. It's EVERYTHING that I want.. She's only 21! She married her deadbeat lazy boyfriend then got pregnant.. She doesn't deserve to have a child! Her life isn't straighten out to even take care of a baby herself. She currently lives with her mom with her husband.. She's getting laid off her job and her husband just works with his dad.. I mean we've been married for 7 years.. Got a house, got two reliable vehicles, got two high paying jobs.. We can support a child and give everything that he or she needs.. Her brother's wife is planning a baby shower for her next weekend and she invited me.. To be honest I don't want to go..It'll just be a setup of me getting upset..My grandmother is constantly asking me when we'll have a baby.. She's not close to her other grandkids.. I was her first grandbaby so I feel like I should've gave her the first great grandchild.. Am I wrong for feeling this way?:nope:
 
Hugs. You are not wrong. I feel this way with my cousins. They have 4, 3, and 1 kid respectively. The one with four trapped her bf by lying about bcp then had two more becayse she wanted a girl. No college, shit jobs, she makes her mom take care of them. Then she cheats on him, leaves him, the new guy wants to leave her so solution? Baby 4. Cousin 2 marries a guy over twice hee age, has two kids, cheats on him to make the third, also shit job and education. Divorces second guy, leaves kids at grandparents so she can get her life together. Life is still not together and they still live with grandmother. Last one just had her first. Got pregnant on bcp because she doesn't always take it and thought she wouldn't get preggo. High school dropout, she lives with her mom with her loser boyfriend.

Meanwhile, here I am trying to get pregnant. My OH has a degree and job in tech. I have an BA and an MS, work in the top of my career field. FFS, I am a teaching. It is literally my job to care for children. Ugh. Sorry for the typos I am on my phone and too lazy to fix it.
 
Bluntly?! You are wrong!! Who are you to say that someone "does not deserve to have children?!"
I understand you are sad and grieving for your loss and are frustrated with not being able to get pregnant and I am truly sorry for that!!! And you don't have to go to a party for a woman you obviously have negative feelings towards, but none of that gives you the right or power to decide who "deserves" a child!
 
and don't even get me started on my friends who are having babies and should not be having children
 
Bluntly?! You are wrong!! Who are you to say that someone "does not deserve to have children?!"
I understand you are sad and grieving for your loss and are frustrated with not being able to get pregnant and I am truly sorry for that!!! And you don't have to go to a party for a woman you obviously have negative feelings towards, but none of that gives you the right or power to decide who "deserves" a child!

Ok so what about people that neglect and abuse children and babies? When I said I don't think they should have a child I have a reason behind it.. Would you want a baby to go to a child molester? I hope thats a no.. They are very immature and if they can't be responsible as an adult what makes you think they can raise a child? Mooching off of people and family is very immature and isn't right for the child to be taught that and be in the middle of all that mess..
 
and don't even get me started on my friends who are having babies and should not be having children

I know my friends deserve to have a child.. they are responsible and can take care of that child financially.. It hurts to see my friends having baby bellies and babies all over facebook but I know my cousin and I know that they aren't ready to have kids.. they can't even support themselves right now!!!
 
I think her frustration is that she has worked her whole life to prepare the best future possible for her children, and now that she is ready she is frustrated it isn't happening as quickly as she would like. Meanwhile, people around her who are not taking care of themselves and had no intention of creating a home for a child are having kids then not properly taking care of them. I have taught in socioeconomic ally disadvantaged schools, English Learner schools, and affluent schools. Parents can lie to themselves all they want. There is a clear distinction in happiness and opportunities.
 
And it's just opinions. Nothing to get upset over. She/I just needed a good vent :)
 
I think her frustration is that she has worked her whole life to prepare the best future possible for her children, and now that she is ready she is frustrated it isn't happening as quickly as she would like. Meanwhile, people around her who are not taking care of themselves and had no intention of creating a home for a child are having kids then not properly taking care of them. I have taught in socioeconomic ally disadvantaged schools, English Learner schools, and affluent schools. Parents can lie to themselves all they want. There is a clear distinction in happiness and opportunities.

Thank you for explaining.. Yes that sums it up! I work at Mercedes and I work hard to provide for a family and it's just not happening.. Yeah I know there's no right or wrong answer cause we all feel different about different things..Just needed to vent as you said.. Just upset about the whole deal :cry:
 
Not a problem. I just feel the exact same way. Hugs. But you know, it will happen for us and your kids will love you for setting up a great home for them.
 
Hi! I just wanted to chime in about your initial question about the baby shower, but first I will say I understand what you mean about people having babies all over who don't even really want them or aren't prepared for them (financially, mentally, physically, etc). It is easy to think about how unfair that is. But what I try to remember is that for them, their struggle isn't about fertility- but it will be about something else. Fertility comes easy to them. But even though being motivated and a hard worker comes easily to us, that is something that they really struggle with. So basically I'm thinking everyone has their own journey, and ours just happens to be the fertility journey. Hopefully this makes sense- it doesn't make it fair or right that they have what we want, but it does help me be more patient with myself when I feel angry about it.

As for the shower, don't go if you don't want to! Give yourself permission to just send a nice card. Don't force yourself to attend something that you know will trigger you- take care of yourself, and give all that love that you will someday give to your baby to yourself right now. You're going through a lot, and you need love and peaceful days too!
 
Agreed. If it's going to trigger you then don't go. Just send a gift and card. Say you're sick or tell the truth. I went to my cousin's baby shower, but only to support my mom and cousin. Was it fun? Nah. But I'm happy to be there for my little cousin. Plus, it gives me an excuse to buy baby stuff.
 
Wow. I'm a bit shocked really... I don't know what to say because I don't want to offend you, but think about the skills you need as a parent and some of the most important are patience, acceptance and the ability to love and support WITHOUT judgement...

Some of the least important things in my opinion? Money, big house, marriage certificate.

There's no checklist that says who 'deserves' to have a child but they don't stay babies forever so I'd have a think about being so judgemental of a young mum, is that how you'd like someone to talk about your future daughter one day?
 

Users who are viewing this thread

Members online

No members online now.

Forum statistics

Threads
1,650,189
Messages
27,141,091
Members
255,672
Latest member
mummynugs
Back
Top
monitoring_string = "c48fb0faa520c8dfff8c4deab485d3d2"