Should I let it go? Suggestions pls.

[Palestrina]

I think it's unfair to come down on the OP in this way. Though I cannot relate to her reaction it does not mean that her feelings are invalid. Surely as a community we can advise someone who has reached out for support without attacking them. There are some obvious personality clashes between the OP and her neighbor that might be best worked out by avoiding each other. We're all people, we don't need to come down so hard on a fellow poster. I see compassion doled out to those who might be sad or downfallen, but anger and frustration are valid emotions too and just as deserving of compassion and empathy. Obviously the OP thinks that she has been treated unfairly by her neighbor, I'm sure she can work through that and get passed it but how can she when everyone crucifies her for daring to feel something? Some of the comments on this thread are just uncalled for, no matter how much you disagree with the OP.

 

[jd83]

I think it's unfair to come down on the OP in this way. Though I cannot relate to her reaction it does not mean that her feelings are invalid. Surely as a community we can advise someone who has reached out for support without attacking them. There are some obvious personality clashes between the OP and her neighbor that might be best worked out by avoiding each other. We're all people, we don't need to come down so hard on a fellow poster. I see compassion doled out to those who might be sad or downfallen, but anger and frustration are valid emotions too and just as deserving of compassion and empathy. Obviously the OP thinks that she has been treated unfairly by her neighbor, I'm sure she can work through that and get passed it but how can she when everyone crucifies her for daring to feel something? Some of the comments on this thread are just uncalled for, no matter how much you disagree with the OP.

Yes, I would agree its perfectly accpetable for her to feel anger or frustration. But she is also being extremely judgemental about this neighbor in every other aspect, which is why so many people have come down a bit harshly, myself included. I think it would be one thing to just be upset about the gift she received, although my opinion would still be to just let it go, its gift after all, but its all the other judgmental comments about this woman that bothered me. It seems pretty clear she really dislikes the woman, so it also seems pretty clear she should just avoid her if that's how she feels. Rather than complaining about having to go to a "lame" party where she only got 2 slices of pizza.

ETA: I also fully realize we have all been judgmental of others at one point or another, and probably had similar feelings that were unfounded because we didn't like someone. But if I disliked someone, and was judging things they did, I wouldn't expect others to agree with my views. Because my views would be skewed due to how I personally felt about that person, and not an unbiased opinion of the situation.

 

[Palestrina]

I think it's unfair to come down on the OP in this way. Though I cannot relate to her reaction it does not mean that her feelings are invalid. Surely as a community we can advise someone who has reached out for support without attacking them. There are some obvious personality clashes between the OP and her neighbor that might be best worked out by avoiding each other. We're all people, we don't need to come down so hard on a fellow poster. I see compassion doled out to those who might be sad or downfallen, but anger and frustration are valid emotions too and just as deserving of compassion and empathy. Obviously the OP thinks that she has been treated unfairly by her neighbor, I'm sure she can work through that and get passed it but how can she when everyone crucifies her for daring to feel something? Some of the comments on this thread are just uncalled for, no matter how much you disagree with the OP.

Yes, I would agree its perfectly accpetable for her to feel anger or frustration. But she is also being extremely judgemental about this neighbor in every other aspect, which is why so many people have come down a bit harshly, myself included. I think it would be one thing to just be upset about the gift she received, although my opinion would still be to just let it go, its gift after all, but its all the other judgmental comments about this woman that bothered me. It seems pretty clear she really dislikes the woman, so it also seems pretty clear she should just avoid her if that's how she feels. Rather than complaining about having to go to a "lame" party where she only got 2 slices of pizza.

Yes I understand that and I don't disagree. I'm just saying, that she already feels angry and instead of helping her diffuse her anger the numerous posts criticizing her might just be upsetting her and fueling even more anger. I've been on the receiving end of posts like this and it's so demoralizing that you start to cling to your anger because you feel you are being grossly misunderstood. Maybe, just saying.

Obviously a one year old's birthday party is what it is, there are different kinds of parties being thrown and not all of them match my style but I think it is a bit low to call it lame.

 

[sparkle_1979]

To be honest I held back in what I really wanted to say

She was being nasty, I felt so sorry for the other girl

 

[cookette]

I think it's unfair to come down on the OP in this way. Though I cannot relate to her reaction it does not mean that her feelings are invalid. Surely as a community we can advise someone who has reached out for support without attacking them. There are some obvious personality clashes between the OP and her neighbor that might be best worked out by avoiding each other. We're all people, we don't need to come down so hard on a fellow poster. I see compassion doled out to those who might be sad or downfallen, but anger and frustration are valid emotions too and just as deserving of compassion and empathy. Obviously the OP thinks that she has been treated unfairly by her neighbor, I'm sure she can work through that and get passed it but how can she when everyone crucifies her for daring to feel something? Some of the comments on this thread are just uncalled for, no matter how much you disagree with the OP.

Its honesty. We have all dealt with annoyances/frustrations and can still rationalize that we may be feeling exaggerated over it. To blatantly act spoiled about a gift and food and a kids party....I call a spade a spade. If you would like to sugar coat, thats fine. I dont think shes being attacked, I think its a heaping dose of reality. Attacked is "Lyke OMG yer such a spoiled brat!" "I feel bad for how you are and your raising kids!" I didnt see that, but maybe I skimmed over it? Identifying behavior as inappropriate based on the facts presented is giving commentary when it was ASKED for.

 

[staralfur]

Honestly, I wish some people would think a little bit harder before posting threads bitching about people. I understand this is a place for support, but venting about disliking someone on a forum of thousands of people when said person cannot defend themselves seems in poor taste to me. In the absolute worse cast scenario, if the person you're tearing down is a mother, then there's the slightest chance they're on the forum themselves. Imagine this poor girl stumbled across this thread?

Anyway, every time you start a thread you open yourself up to comments, both good and bad. The OP responded quite rudely to people disagreeing with her, which didn't help her cause.

The difference between supporting someone who is sad/down fallen is that they're usually just venting their own feelings. Anger, in this case, includes throwing some random girl under the bus and unfairly trashing her character on a public forum. I'm actually really glad people have responded the way they have, maybe the OP will think twice before belittling someone over nonsense in the future.

For the record, had the OP come back after the numerous replies disagreeing with her and said "Maybe I am overreacting because I don't like her" or "I guess these things aren't that big of a deal after all" then she would've gotten a much different response for the remainder of the thread. Instead she dug herself a deeper hole by complaining about the party this girl threw for her baby.

I also don't think anyone is meaning to call her a bad person, it's just commentary on this particular situation (in which she's being pretty awful). I'm sure we've all handled situations poorly... the key is to acknowledge it. If you're going to insist on being stubborn, then you get no sympathy from me.

 

[overcomer79]

I agree. Just because you know what a person earns...doesn't mean they are well off. Do you know what they are paying out each month? A lot of families are in debt. My mom thinks we are well to do and if we can get all of our debt paid off then yes I can say for certain we are but right now we cut corners (I go without) just to make sure my family has.

 

[overcomer79]

Doesn't sound like it's worth getting upset about. She might not even have noticed the toy was opened. Sometimes things are like that at the store or maybe her kid got into it or husband started assembling it not knowing it wasn't for their DD and she didn't have time to get something else.

Also that's nice of her to pack up food for your LO! I'm always all frazzled at my DS's parties and would never have thought to pack up food for anyone let alone try to figure out how much they would need to feed their entire family. You could have packed your own up like she did at yours if you were worried about not getting enough.

TBH I'm a bit put off by you calling a 1 year old's birthday party lame, lol. It's probably the first birthday party she's thrown for a baby so I'd cut her some slack!

Ok, you have judged me pretty much so let me clarify point by point.
1. She handed that gift without any wrap or bag. Anybody just looking at it could get that it was opened. The parts inside were loose and making noise. A blind or deaf person couldn't have noticed that.
2. She didn't at all pack food for my lo. Try to read the original post properly first...Please! That food was for me as I did not have time to eat. I could have got the food packed for myself 'as she did' if I knew this person for more than 2/3 weeks. I am not that begged to get the food from almost a stranger. She did not pack those slices for me someone else suggested her.
3. I will definitely call a party LAME if you r calling 75 people in a 1bedroom apartment with a seating for 6 on a week night where 90% of guest r struggling to reach even by 8:30PM.

I think this should clear your doubts abt me.

This does clear a lot up but unfortunately not in your favour.

If she had seventy-five people to feed (which I'm guessing must be an exaggeration on your part as I don't think 75 people would even physically fit in an average 1 bedroom apartment), I'm guessing it cost quite a lot to feed everyone. The fact that she gave you anything is lovely in that case. I wouldn't ever expect someone to feed me if I wasn't staying long enough to eat there. Since she's not from your area perhaps she isn't aware of your oddly specific customs regarding sending people away with certain amounts of food.

And calling a party lame because it was in a one bedroom apartment and on a weeknight? Really? It just sounds like you're grasping at things to nitpick over. Maybe you should print out everything you've said in this thread and show it to her, I think it will be pretty effective in ensuring that she doesn't associate with you anymore.

Damn you have high expectations OP. When I throw parties...I feed only children...NOT adults!!! If we have leftovers, then the adults are welcomed. I guess my party would be lame to you. Good thing I don't know you personally....I'll leave it at that for now...

 

[Natasha2605]

I feel so sorry for the other girl. She sounds lonely and as if she is TRYING, which is more than can be said for you. You've picked her apart at every available opportunity then have been rude to other posters when questioned/ commented upon.

She'd be better off knowing now how judgmental you are and find real friends elsewhere. Sure she's maybe overstepped some boundaries but maybe she is just naive. Poor girl.

 

[mummy2be...]

You want her take the gift back?? Your complaining because she didn't put aside enough free food for you, despite having to feed "75" people??????

You just have no class!!

I wish I knew this girl personally so I could link her to page. I think if she knew your true colours you wouldn't be "big sis" anymore!

 

[SmileyKez]

It sounds to me like there is very much a culture, and a way of doing things here, and this poor girl, new to the area doesn't know the way things are done, and as a result, the op, and the others she refers to, find her annoying! It all seems very childish and petty to me, she doesn't fit in and they aren't willing to let her! I hope she finds some other friends who are a little less judgemental!
But yes op, you need to let it go, it's not a big deal, if you don't like this girl, stop pretending to be her friend!

 

[fieryphoenix]

Now my question is should I let this go?

YES, let it go. If you don't like her that's fine but this whole thread makes you sound like a petty, petulant whiner.

 

[AnneD]

Now my question is should I let this go?

YES, let it go. If you don't like her that's fine but this whole thread makes you sound like a petty, petulant whiner.

This.

 

[randomrach]

In short, let it go. I won't rip into you, I think others have already said all there is to say. Given the fact that you've not known her long and don't seem to get along I would just leave it. Stop allowing her to come in unannounced, don't wake your child so hers can play (I honestly wouldn't unless it was a planned visit).

Personally, if my child was given a gift I didn't think they'd play with and I planned to regift it I wouldn't let them open it but I wouldn't give it back if someone gave it to me and it was already open. I would also feed someone if I'd invited them to my house and I knew they'd stay until late evening but if your child wasn't at the party and your partner was caring for him when he was home from swimming I'd expect your partner to feed him. If I had left over food from my own party that wouldn't be eaten everyone would be free to take whatever they liked, regardless of who it was for.

Maybe she is taking advantage of you, noone else can guess her intentions, in that case just avoid seeing her.