Should I make a plan just in case? *Sensitive Content*

[birdiex]

Hi girls - I don't post around here much but I figured that you guys would be the best help regarding this. Have any of you made a "delivery plan" just in case your baby came prior to 24 weeks and you wanted to outline how you feel it should be handled? After my angel I saw so many posts from people further on saying they'd wished they'd been allowed to bring a small hat or other things. My angel was only a first tri loss, and this one is healthy so far and I pray it stays that way! However, do you think it'd be worth it to make a plan to outline how I'd want my LO to be treated/brought home to be buried/buried with other babies by the hospital?

Sorry if this has upset anyone but I'm such a worrywart, and I'd hate for LO to be treated as "medical waste" or disrespectfully if the worst were to happen. Thanks for taking the time out to read

 

[Eternal]

If you really feel like you need to then it wont harm, but if you planned it out and discussed it with your OH then you prob wont need to actually write it down.

Ive thought a lot about it, as i have had complications, and with this being twins and a 1st trimester loss like yourself it does make you think about "what if". Im not writting anything down, im just going with the flow, if anything did happen what i would do would change depending on how far along I am.

Try not to worry though hun, im sure all will be fine xxxx

 

[birdiex]

Thanks Hun - i'm not too worried (touch wood) that anything will happen, but if it did, I'd want things to be thought out prior, so that we wouldn't have any regrets about not remembering to do this or that, and give him or her a nice send-off. I'll discuss it with OH later, and see if he thinks writing it down is a good idea and if there's anything specific he'd want to include.

Thanks again honey xx

 

[ahcigar1]

If this is something that you want and would make you feel happier and more comfortable then I don't see any harm in it. I am very sorry to hear of your first loss.

 

[birdiex]

Thanks honey x

 

[aley28]

That's a tough one.

Personally... I won't be making a pre-term delivery plan of any sort unless my doctor gives me a reason to believe that its something I need to worry/think about. However, I've delivered a full term, healthy baby after a pregnancy that was absolutely free of any sort of complications after the severe morning sickness subsided. Plus everything with this baby looks great, the pregnancy is going great, I don't live an overly active lifestyle while pregnant, etc, so I have no real reason to fear that he would come too early.

I don't see the harm in making such a plan... being prepared for the absolute worst and all of that, though. I see that you're already 17 weeks along, so in your position, I'd probably speak to the hospital that you'd most likely be delivering/cared for at and see how they handle such things under normal circumstances. If you feel that they're usual (ugh... WHAT is the word I'm looking for?!)... plan of attack (sorry, I really can't think of the word!! ) isn't sufficient and/or how you'd want your baby treated, then you could write out your plan, or at least come to an agreement with your OH while you're not grieving already.

If you didn't want to write down the full plan, you could make a small list of things that you'd want to be sure you asked for, for later on, such as pictures, a hat, handprints/footprints, etc, and then keep that in your wallet or somewhere that is going to be with you at all times.

 

[Samantha675]

I say do it. I recently found planning for the event of a second c-section if I had to have one (planning hbac) released soooo much fear for me. It was freeing. If this is a big worry for you, plan it, write it down and then you can let it go.

 

[kileyjo9]

dont take my word for it but i am pretty sure all miscarriages that are taken care of medically, (d&c is all i really know about) that they are not just sent as medical waste. When i lost my angel, they gave me several options, one was a communal cremation, which meant that a few babies may be cremated together, not sure what they do after cremation, but it was respectful. or you can arrange for a private cremation and burial with a funeral home. This is when they are too small for proper burial like my angel was. No matter what happens i would think you would always have a choice. Just something to think about i guess. in my opinion i would wait to make that kind of choice until you are put in the situation. its just too depressing. You are far enough along now that you shouldnt have to worry

Hugs
Kiley

 

[aliss]

^WSS.

Yes, in the past they just took the baby away and disposed of it (I know that sounds horrible, but it happened to my mother when she delivered my brother stillborn), "out of sight, out of mind", but things have really changed for the better. I can understand you wanting to be sure of that, my mom is still pretty scarred from what happened. If it makes you feel more at ease, draw up a plan

 

[pixydust]

Honestly, I think now you've thought about it, you should do it x

 

[evasmum]

I'm sorry for your loss

Agree with the above poster, no baby (whatever gestation) is treated as medical waste, they are cremated together, a lot of hospitals hold a memorial service too.

My daughter died in the Neonatal unit after a healthy, normal pregnancy and delivery, the staff in the Neonatal unit and then the Bereavement staff were amazing and helped us to plan and make arrangements and gather the memories we wanted to - I would think if something awful happened you would be very gently guided by the staff and usually given access to trained Bereavement Midwives.

If you think it would help then do what your instincts say but I honestly think you do not need to

 

[birdiex]

Thanks everyone - it's nice to know that they treat the babies respectfully, but it's more the things shortly after delivery like bringing tiny clothes or doing hand/feet prints, spending time together, having the option for the LO's family members to see him or her in person.

I chatted to OH and he said it'd be a good idea to write it down, just in case, to make sure we've thought of everything, because when you're grieiving, your mind's all over the place.

Thanks for the advice everyone, thanks for taking the time out to reply. Those of you who've lost and therefore know the procedure first hand, I'm so sorry for your loss but the answers were so helpful

Thanks again girls!