should I put off TTC for a few months?!

[BethanElaine-]

its been over a year now and now my 3yr old is being a nightmare! i literally cannot walk down the shop with him as im scared of what he will do next! he kicks punches and bites me, screams at me and doesnt listen to anything i say (eg. me - dont go on the road theres cars!! him - straight on the road!)
im at the end of my tether! he really is putting me off having another baby.. anyone else had this and stopped TTC or did concieve?

 

[Cookie1979]

My son can be abit of a terror at times but I make sure he has time on the naughty step or i go and put him in his bedroom, I take toys away from him. I tend to give him 3 chances, I ask him to stop or not do something, I ask again and tell him if he doesn't stop he'll go to his room or the toy will be taken away or go on the naughty step but if he does it again then I follow through and make him have time out. He's 2 and a half and he's not silly, he knows if he's being naughty and he does it on purpose, he pushes me to see how far he will get and if I didn't get firm with him he'd just push and push. My friend is in a similar position to you, she says her son has really put her off having more, but she doesn't give him boundaries, for a long time now its like her son is the boss and she pleads with him not to do something, which of course doesn't work just makes him do it even more.

Don't get me wrong my son still has meltdowns and can be a right little bugger at times, but for instance he threw a load of toys across the room, I told him to pick them up, he said no and kicked them, I said pick them up now or you go on the naughty step and he said no again and threw more toys, so I asked one more time but he refused so then he went on the naughty step...I made him sit there despite him crying and telling me he'll be a good boy, when I let him up without me evening prompting he starting picking up all the toys he threw. So he's not silly, he understands perfectly well when he's asked to behave or not to do something he just chooses to ignore me. Really find the naughty step effective.

As for ttc, I dont know, I guess if I was in your shoes it would put me off too and I would be worried that he would be too rough with the baby. I hope you manage to sort his behaviour out, its so difficult to deal with a screaming child when you are out, people look at you like you should be able to make them behave instantly but theres only so much you can do in a public place. We had a nightmare at legoland with our son on Monday, we nearly left after an hour cos he was being so badly behaved.

xx

 

[ClandestineTX]

First, you have to do what feels right for you. I think coming on here asking the internet says that you are probably thinking it's a bad idea (and honestly, I would too). I'm only TTC #1 and I hate to relate my animals to people's kids - but it's the only reference I have - and I think it's still helpful. If you bring another child into a house with one that's misbehaving, the older child will serve as a model for the younger one. Exactly like dog training! We have a 14 month old pup that's no where near where we want him training wise, even though he puts the other dogs on the block to shame and I refuse to get another until this one is where we want him! Same with human children - get #1 under control first, he will make raising your second one easier because the younger one will take cues from the older one. And the previous poster mentioned the naughty step - I'm a huge fan of Super Nanny and she has loads of great strategies and tips on her website: https://www.supernanny.co.uk/

If you really want another one - I'd make getting the first one under control your mission in life right now, plus would make for a more enjoyable life for yourself and your partner!

 

[wish4baby]

I agree with the pp...got to get the oldest under control because LO will do as big brother does. Not to mention, that behavior is dangerous for your older one (ie, running into the street) and most definitely for an infant.

We have been there before! Hope you don't mind, but I'll share a bit of our story...worked out for us, but our way may not be for everyone

When my 3 boys were about that age (I have 3 boys, 11, 10, 9 and 6 y/o girl) we got to a rock bottom low, as far as behavior! i couldn't take them anywhere! (Imagine being asked to leave a restaurant, seriously, there are some stories you wouldn't believe!)
After reading several discipline books and praying heavily, we decided on a path. The boys were 4, 3 and 2 and I was just expecting #4. We sat down together & made the rules. They were very clear, spoken and posted. We decided on 1 "reminder" (warning), calm voice - no yelling, I was so tired of yelling!!! Then if the behavior continued, a small smack with a wooden kitchen spoon (never a hand) on the backside.
This works with certain children, 2 of my 4 have never gotten to this point - a clear rule, and a look from me is plenty, but 2 of my children needed this type of discipline. Time outs never worked, they just ran opposite ways (in coordination, my oldest would actually yell, Run that way! To his brother, they'd also lock themselves in a bathroom sometimes!)
BTW, I only had to do it a few times before the reminder worked alone - I think it was more of a way for them to see if we were serious about the rules. We'd say, "remember xxx is the rule, and there will be a severe punishment." Then they'd continue and I had to follow through with a swat. Once they figured out I was really going to do it, every single time, they just starting following our very simple, logical rules! I have learned that now they are older, just making the rules very clear, with a definite punishment they can count on, works.


Just recently (have not used the spoon in years!) a team mate of my oldest son's threw a very public, pre-teen "temper tantrum" during a game - being loud, rude and unbelievably disrespectful to an adult coach and referee. When my son got in our car after the game, I asked him what he thought about that and he said - I'm embarrassed for him and his parents. if I had done something like that, you would of whipped me with the kitchen spoon! Lol, I think you are getting a little too old for that, son but at least he has learned proper behavior and is always respectful to adults.

Good luck! You can figure this out!!!

 

[ClandestineTX]

@wish4baby: my brother and I were those kids who also required spanking. I agree it depends on the child, time outs do work for some, but definitely not all! Glad you got your lot under control because 4 wild and crazy kids would certainly drive anyone mad!

 

[redlemonade]

Oh, they say 3 year olds are harder than the terrible twos these days! I agree with the others, it sounds like you need to get your child under some control first. But there's no reason to think this will take awful long, so don't despair. The key is really consistency with boundaries on what is acceptable behaviour for your child and consequences for poor behaviour. He's young so will learn fast.

One thing I've learned from working with kids is to be careful how you say things. That is, saying "don't go on the road" creates a picture in his head of going on the road. If I tell you, as you're climbing a wall "don't fall off that wall!" - what do you imagine? And does that make you unsteady in your climb?
Instead try "I want you to hold my hand and stand beside me on the path" or whatever. Use positive language and you should start seeing positive actions.

Good luck!

 

[wildworld]

You poor thing! I definitely think time out (or a naughty step) is in order for your son. The longer you allow him to do this, the more stress you'll be under and the more he'll do it. Be firm with him, put sanctions in place. For example, if he is acting up, tell him he won't have a certain toy (or treat) for a few days, and STICK to it. Don't give in, because he will associate being naughty with treats/toys. Don't give in to his behaviour, he'll think it's a game and will continue to push you to see how far you will go. Children can be fearless at times. Speak in short sentences that he will understand. He's a 3 year old, he needs to know that YOU'RE the boss and you won't stand for his behaviour.


good luck, i hope it doesn't put you off ttc for too long