Should she have the embrios?

Discussion in 'General Chatter' started by Cat, Apr 10, 2007.

  1. Cat

    Cat Well-Known Member

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    What do you think about this news storey at the moment.

    For those of you who dont know what Im talking about, this woman and her then partner had embrios frozen after she was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. She is now infertile and her only chance of having her own children is to use these embrios, however her and her partner have sinse split up and he has withdrawn cocent for the embrios to be used.

    Personally I feel tough crap to him, she should be allowed to use them. He consented at the time, which I dont see is any differnt from anyone else who concents to having children, if your pregnant and split up from your partner they cant order a termination! His argument is that he will have no say in the upbringing of this child and not be part of its life. Well thats his choice, he can be a father to the child, he is just choosing not to now cause he has changed his mind about having kids, well tough crap in my opinion, you dont get to change your mind when it comes to having kids. I dont know what the ruling is on sperm/egg donation, can you change your mind there and take them back if you decide you dont want to help other couples? Surely if its something you commit to then your obligated to see that commitment through.

    My 2 cents!
     
  2. weestar21

    weestar21 Well-Known Member

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    its a difficult situation tbh, yes i think she should be allowed as its her only chncae of having kids but in the same respect no i dont think she should be allowed because he doesnt want her to use them. its like if she gets them and goes on to have kids the kids will want to know about him and maybe that will cause problems in his current relationship. i dunno tbh :blush:
     
  3. Wobbles

    Wobbles BnB Co-Founder ~ Retired

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    Depends on the circumstances of the split I think. He could still be a father to the children. God only knows why they split up it worrying if it's spite but what goes on behind closed doors & all that we will probably not know about.

    Shes put up a fight though hasn't she surely that suggests she wouldn't want bad terms on her past r,ship & I dunno how another human could do that - he must have known how emotionally damaging the whole thing was for her/them both an to take it away seems sad.

    But over all ******* springs to mind!! A sad story really in it's own way.

    Maybe she will go onto other options through the donation process.
     
  4. Imi

    Imi .

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    Think she has every right to use them ... Like cat said he consented at the time, and he's a twat for putting her though this nowust because they have split up!

    What a first class knob, i mean emotinally having cancer is bad enough and not being able to have children must be horrendous.

    He knows this is her only chance and he is being an arse about it, Bet he would be acting different id someone came along and chopped his balls off!
    Lets see how he would react then, when the boot is on the other foot.

    You can't chop and change your mind when there is something as important as this on the line ...

    it's mental crulety ....
    xxx
     
  5. Trinity

    Trinity Well-Known Member

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    Well the ruling is back and she has lost.

    Not sure which way i feel about it tbh. On the one hand I think that he should have let her go ahead with it because it is her only chance and think she has been through enough emotionally with out having to deal with this aswell. But on the other hand if he doesnt want to have children with her then surely that is his decision. I know he agreed to it in the first place but Im sure he wasnt expecting they would split up at that point in time.

    Thinking about it I think that I am more swayed in her favour though .. because at least he can go and have children with someone else. And she must be completely devestated .. not sure what i would do in her situation.
     
  6. beanie

    beanie Well-Known Member

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    I think that the ruling was right. My heart does go out to her, and I can't even begin to understand how she feels but I don't think you can say its the same as anyone else who consents to having children in the usual way. In that scenario the baby is growing, and is a foetus and for him to stop this means that the woman has to undergo an invasive procedure. In this case whilst the eggs have been fertilised they haven't been implanted and he can change his mind. Whilst it is unfair to her I think its also unfair to him, how would you like it if someone said to you - you have to have children with this person who you no longer love. I personally would hate it and would just resent my ex partner - not exactly the best grounds for a great relationship.
     
  7. Dionne

    Dionne Well-Known Member

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    i dont get it, im confused. i dont no the ins and outs or even what embrios are:blush:

    so could she not have a lady in the future donate eggs to her? or another blokes sperm?

    sorry i no im not the brightest bulb in the box sometimes:blush:

    ldys eggs and mans sperm thats the most i no
     
  8. Cat

    Cat Well-Known Member

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    Basically before she had treatment for cancer they harvested some of her eggs, and fertilised them with her partners sperm, in the same way in IVF they implant fertilised eggs, thats the embrio, the egg fertilised with the sperm that will grow into the foetus/baby. Her cancer treatment now means she has had her ovaries removed so cannot produce her own eggs. Her only chance of having her own children is these embrios which now sadly as she has lost her appeal will be distroyed. Although she can still become pregnant by egg donation, she now cannot have children of her own DNA.

    Im sorry but you have got to be a complete git to deprive your ex partner of that chance. can people who donate sperm to fertility clinics demand their sperm back if they change their mind? I think you should enter a contract with these things so you cant then change your mind.

    Poor woman.
     
  9. Helen

    Helen ICSI Twins + miracle BFP

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    I feel desperately sorry for her, but I think the right decision has been made.

    When you go through IVF everything is made absolutely crystal clear. You sign a lot of legal documentation and you also have counselling together or separately over those decisions. You know exactly what you are getting into, although I'm sure they never considered for one moment that they might actually split up.

    I'm not entirely sure about this, but I believe at the time they went through the IVF treatment egg freezing wasn't really an option. It still isn't particularly because it doesn't tend to be as succesful as freezing embryos. It's a shame that she didn't have an alternative that would have allowed her to continue treatment in some way.

    The legal point was whether she had a right to have a family and whether that over-ruled his right to consent or otherwise. He may have given his consent to creating the embryos but he didn't give his consent to them being implanted in her and I think his rights have to be respected whatever twisted and bitter motivation may have caused that decision on his part.

    You have to feel for her. A lot of us understand that absolute yearning that maternal instinct causes. I just hope that she is able to recover from this and move on with her life.
     
  10. Dionne

    Dionne Well-Known Member

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    im sorry but i think he had a right to refuse her the embrios, if she could never ever be pregnant again it woud be different. but they are not in love he might not want to be a part time dad.
     
  11. StirCrazy

    StirCrazy BnB Co-Founder ~ Retired

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    yeh but they didn't decide on having kids back then, so he totally has control on if the embryos get used.

    Personally I don't understand why she didn't just have her eggs frozen instead of a fertilized embryos.
     
  12. beanie

    beanie Well-Known Member

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    I don't think he is a git - I think he is being really responsible. No-one should be forced to be a parent just because they signed something years ago. If he had made her pregnant then fair enough but he didn't.

    I too hope she can move on. I think she will make a child an incredible mum one day.
     

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