Should we TTC number 2?

Discussion in 'Complete Families' started by mia_leacey, Sep 3, 2021.

  1. mia_leacey

    mia_leacey Well-Known Member

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    I'm not sure if this is the right place to post this question but I'm wondering what people think!

    It's a long one but I'll try and keep it brief! Wondering whether to try TTC 10 years after DS number 1?

    So, there are LOTS of reasons why we haven't tried for no. 2 before now. And some of those reasons probably still stand! But it's a bit of a head and a heart situation, and I'm wondering which to be ruled by.

    Probably the main reason why we haven't, is that my DH suffered badly with PND and also mild PTSD from post birth. This was only diagnosed around 4 years ago. He had CBT to try and process the trauma, but it's still very raw for him.

    DS wasn't an easy baby, and hasn't always been an easy child. But we're finally getting diagnoses for him of dyspraxia, sensory processing disorder and anxiety.

    I had a difficult pregnancy with some medical complications and while birth was relatively easy, I was rushed to surgery post birth, which was more traumatic for DH and DS, than it was for me really, though physical recovery for me took a long time.

    Up until the start of this year we have been carers for my mother-in-law and grandmother-in-law. We also both work difficult and stressful jobs.

    So what's changed? MIL and GMIL have passed away. DH has a promotion and we are more financially secure than we've ever been. DS is growing up and getting support. But we're now 10 years older (43.) Can we go through it all again? Would a new baby set back DS' progress?

    There has always been a niggling doubt as to whether our family was complete. Initially, I was very keen and always wanted a big family (I'm one of 5 myself) but for DH it was a flat out no. I could understand his reasons so have rationalised and made peace with that over the years. The longer it went on, the easier it became.

    But now, with the passing of GMIL, DH says he can't say no completely. He's always wanted to get to a place where he felt like he could give me what I had wanted, and that he can't deny me. I'm wondering if I'm starting to notice some perimenopausal signs too, so it feels like it's now or never.

    Do I let myself be ruled by heart or head? We have wrangled with this for months. If not years. Not with each other. Just with knowing how to make the best decision for our family. Do any kind strangers have any advice?

    Thank for reading.
     
  2. MadamRose

    MadamRose Mummy to 2 and cautiously pregnant with #3

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    Such a difficult decision one good thing about knowing DH’s pnd and ptsd is youll be able to get support both before and after birth much easier.

    It definitely sounds like you’d like another. One thing to factor in is how it would affect your first. My middle has autism etc and I just made sure she knew a good while in advance it might be a possibility by saying things like “if this ever happened” etc.

    Could you look at Not trying and not preventing to let nature take its course so to speak? Good luck whatever you decide!
     
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  3. mia_leacey

    mia_leacey Well-Known Member

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    Thank you so much for your measured response. :)

    That's really good advice re DS and we have been doing that really, gently preparing him for the idea of a sibling.

    I read back what I wrote and thought what advice would I give this person if it wasn't me?! I think I would tell them to try. But that terrifies me. I love the family unit we have. But I just can't seem to give the idea up entirely.

    It is the most difficult decision and it's tearing me in two. :(
     

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