Shy toddlers

[oct-bump]

How can I get my toddler to not be so shy? I don't want her to be as shy as I was when I was little. I used to cry at school if the teacher called on me. Any ideas? When we go places she stays real close to me for at least a half hour, maybe more. Then I can't leave the room without her following me and calling for me. And she doesn't talk to others either if they say hello. She just stares at them. I see other kids her age talking to grown ups.

 

[letia659]

have no idea Zander is shy like that and he gets it from me but I dont really know how to get him out of it either my oldest will talk to anyone and has never been shy so this is new to me

 

[MotherBeth]

I think I would lead by example. You know -- just try never to be embarrassed or feel awkward about the fact that she's not saying 'hi' back. Don't discourage her from holding your hand when you first arrive somewhere new. Accept her completely just the way she is.

But at the same time, smile and laugh and talk cheerfully to people around her so that she can see how mama does it. And when they say 'hi' to her, and she just hides her face or something, don't react yourself the way a shy person would react ...don't be embarrassed or push her to respond. Just laugh cheerfully with the person, and say, "Oh, they never perform, do they? Haha!" And just act like everything's fine and keep smiling. Let her see your example.

Seems like that would bring the two important parts together -- the security of knowing it's all OK, no matter what she does or doesn't do -- and the inspiration to be more sociable someday like mama. That's what I would do.

 

[polaris]

I agree with MotherBeth's advice. Also some children are naturally more introverted and some are naturally more extroverted. These are temperamental differences that the child is born with. If your child is naturally introverted then there is probably nothing you can do to turn her into an extrovert. So part of it is about accepting her for who she is and helping her to feel confident in herself, rather than wishing she was different which will only lower her confidence as she gets the message that there's something wrong with the way she is naturally, if that makes sense.

 

[Miss_Bump]

MotherBeth & Polaris make good points.

If Evie is somewhere new with people she doesn't recognise she will grab my tshirt and be very quiet for 10 mins or so until she feels comfy with where she is.

I find the more people try and talk to her the worse she can get so I tell people to just say hi to us then not pay too much attention to Evie when we first arrive and it's working well.

The more you try and get her to overcome her shyness could have the opposite effect. Accepting her just how she is without making fuss, does she have a comfort toy or something?

 

[Miss_Bump]

Just to add, DH made a good point recently that if anyone was taken into a room of strangers then most if us would be a little shy

 

[oct-bump]

Great advice. Thanks! I am going to try to lead by example. This weekend and next we have barbques to go to with friends she never met before. I hope it helps her.

 

[JMC82]

My son can be shy but I've found that he gets more confident once he's been somewhere a few times. Do you go to any toddler groups? Just going along to something like that and sitting with her to play to start with and gradually backing off a bit so long as she seems comfortable will help her build up her confidence and feel more at ease. xx

 

[amie-leigh]

morgan is shy if we met someone she doesnt know or hasnt seen recently she clings to my leg or if i am sitting down climbs up and buries her head in my top
eventually she gets brave and goes over to see who ever it is

 

[Lightworker]

I don't think you can "get" her to stop being shy. Every child, like every adult, is different. She may just generally be slow to warm up to people and there's nothing wrong with that per se. She might be taking it all in, she might be a thinker etc. Just let her experience life and people at her own pace. X