SIL losing baby:(

[volley1980]

Hi everyone,

I hope it is okay to post this here...

My SIL is currently in labor with her son whom she knows won't survive (he was diagnosed with Trisomy 18). She is just over 20 weeks..

I know I should ask her if we can visit her in the hospital (because some people would want that while others wouldn't)...but is there anything else I can do? Get for her?

Was there anything you wished someone had done/said?

I'm very sorry for your losses and thank you in advance for your guidance..

 

[Andypanda6570]

I am so very sorry XO. The biggest thing is to acknowledge her loss. Just let her know you are there for her and always willing to listen. I know people don't mean it , but they say the most horrible things.. Oh it was for the best, she wouldn't have survived, you can always have another. Those words killed me when I lost my Ava at 22 weeks..
I would have rather they just sit with me and shut their mouths.. I am not saying you would say those things, but other people will, believe me and it cuts like a knife..

This loss her loss is beyond explaining, (any person) can't possibly understand unless they have been there. Right now her whole world as she knows it is spinning out of control, her heart is literally broken and she is trying to figure out how in Gods name she is going to survive this.. It's such a long road, but it does get better only with time, for me it took me over 2 years..

Just you posting here asking what to do shows you care and you want to help.. The best way is talk as less as possible and listen, just hug her and sit with her.. All The Best XOOXOX

 

[mummy2o]

I lost Daniel almost 2 weeks ago on at 19 weeks. The thing which I would love to have right now is support as no one is supportive. I know why I lost him, which was sepsis which I had and he died to save me, so in my eyes he really is an amazing little boy. But to everyone else they keep telling me there was something wrong with him. I do not believe that for a second. Also its for the best. How is it for the best? It just feels like I grieving for him by myself with no one to support. So what I would like is just to have someone there to talk to, who doesn't think my ideas and believes are stupid, or to allow me to imagine what he might be like when he grows up.

 

[LaceFace88]

I agree with the other posters. They number one.thing that i wanted was for people to acknowledge my son. That he was a baby that he was my baby a person who lived even if only fot a little while. Things like " you can have another baby " " thats natures way of saying something wrong with baby" or " everything happens for a reason " are the ones that really got to me. Just be there to support her and talk to her about baby because as a mother who lost a baby boy at 20w i would say thats what i want more than anything is to be able to talk about my son. I know alot of people think that bringing the baby up will hurt her but it will literally hurt her even more if people close to her pretend as if she never lost her child.all mothers love their babies and want them acknowledge regardless if they are here with us or have passed on.

 

[volley1980]

I am sorry for all your losses. I can't imagine what losing a baby must feel like...

My SIL lost her baby on Sunday. He was half a pound and was a stillbirth. She didn't want to see/hold him, but her mom and I did. He was perfect..

I think I'm being supportive in the right way, because she asked me to go to breakfast with her the next day and she asked to come over tomorrow...

Thanks again for all your advice.

 

[Andypanda6570]

I am sorry for all your losses. I can't imagine what losing a baby must feel like...

My SIL lost her baby on Sunday. He was half a pound and was a stillbirth. She didn't want to see/hold him, but her mom and I did. He was perfect..

I think I'm being supportive in the right way, because she asked me to go to breakfast with her the next day and she asked to come over tomorrow...

Thanks again for all your advice.

I think you are doing great.. I thank God I had my best friend with me through it all... XOXOXO

 

[kiki04]

I agree... just be there for her. Give her space when she needs it and be there when she needs you. Make dinner one day and bring it to her, stop by with stuff for a cocktail and movie night etc and the biggest thing..... remember him. Use his name when talking to her. Add his name on Christmas cards etc He is and always will be her child and when people think bringing up their name will hurt, it hurts more to think people just forgot and act like they didn't exist.