Simplifying - How to deal with unwanted gifts

[MrsHedgehog]

We are aiming to keep our lives as simple and eco friendly as possible by reducing the amount of 'things' we possess. We're aiming to keep our home more or less plastic free and I prefer LO to have simple toys and not loads of plastic junk. The problem is that relatives keep buying her stuff. Yesterday, for no reason, her aunt bought her a bright pink, plastic Hello Kitty guitar. Exactly the kind of toy that I hate. Of course LO loves it and I appreciate that auntie wants to spoil her niece but our house is filled with all of these plastic monstrosities. I don't want to be ungrateful and I appreciate the thought but how can I get them to stop buying all of this stuff for LO. I would donate it but the relatives would notice and wonder where their gifts were. I've tried to drop hints but it's hard without sounding ungrateful for the gifts. Does anyone else have the same problem and how do you deal with it?

 

[Rachel_C]

Is there somebody you could use as a gatekeeper? If I wanted my family to buy a certain kind of thing, I would speak to my mum and she would pass on the message. If it was OH's family, I'd get him to speak to his mum. That way, you don't have to deal with sounding ungrateful yourself and whoever it is can say whatever is likely to get the best response! If that's "yeah my daughter is a little odd but she doesn't want more plastic toys" or "my daughter is so amazing, she's decided all toys have to be eco friendly" it doesn't really matter as long as it gets the message across

Or you could just be straight about it - tell everybody that you're really grateful for the presents but that it's becoming overwhelming so you're going to start an Amazon wishlist for your daughter instead of them buying random stuff. Put a good variety of things on there and tell them it doesn't have to be bought from Amazon e.g. if you put a certain brand of wooden blocks they could get any wooden blocks, but that you don't have room for anything not on the list so would have to donate to charity!

 

[emera35]

I have simply told my family outright that we are overwhelmed by their kindness and generosity, however, we now have so many toys that the children can't play with them all, and we have no where to store them. Also we have lots of duplicates! I've told them that it is lovely for them to give gifts and whilst appreciated, it would be brilliant if they would ask what is needed before buying. I've also told them that a favourite thing is consumables, like things for crafts, tissue paper, ribbons, pom poms etc.

That way, they are gifts that get used up, so the don't accumulate in the house! Awful as it sounds, if a gift is really not in keeping with the sort of toys we use then I do pass them on to groups and charity shops, and if asked I tend to fib and say that unfortunately said toy was broken.

 

[Wellington]

Our house is overrun with soft toys.
I've only ever bought my kids one soft toy each and though there are some out there I might like to get in the future, I can't as they already have literally about 50-100 of the blasted things!

Some are nice, others tacky and cheap and they all come from the same source- OH parents. I don't want to sound ungrateful either so they have remained in the house so far.

From an atopy point of view, I don't want a load of dust collectors in my house. I have hay fever and am allergic to house dust mite- I don't need the kids triggered off!

OH said to his parents this time they visited, specifically, 'no more soft toys'
Can you guess what happened? They turned up with 9, yes 9 new bloody soft toys! We just don't have the space!

Mind you, better than their last visit when they'd been having a clear out and brought 2 whole black bin liners stuffed full of 40 year old teddies from their loft. Dusty, dirty and month eaten. I drew the line at that ad they have gone in the shed.

Part of me wants to line the entire collection up and show them: look, enough already, you have very kindly given the girls 95% of this entourage. No more.

Perhaps I should instigate a 'one in, one out' policy!

Oops! Sorry Mrs Hedgehog, that turned into a bit of a rant

 

[snowfia]

I'd just talk to them. Explain either that your LO has enough toys and something else would be more useful or explain the toys you like. I love the wooden and more oldfashioned toys, LO has so many that I had when I was a baby and she loves them too

 

[aliss]

I store them all in garbage bags in the storage room and bring them out if they are visiting. Once they are outgrown, I will give it all away.

 

[SerenityNow]

This used to drive me crazy. My eldest was the only baby on both sides of the family and we were overrun. This biggest problem wasn't even that the toys were obnoxious, although many of them were, but it was so much work to keep things tidy because it was all overflowing! The generosity was actually lowering our quality of life. It was totally out of hand.

I no longer feel guilty about getting rid of gifts. If I give someone a gift that they don't like, I don't want them to keep it to make me happy. The point of the gift was to make them happy. I decided that everyone probably feels the same way I do. Right? :wink:

But if someone were to ask me where a gift is (which is rude IMO!) I'd probably say something like "I haven't seen that in a few days. I'm not sure where its gotten to". Strictly speaking that would be true.

 

[JenX]

Yes, we are starting to have this problem. Especially with plastic toys that make sounds, so they are extra obnoxious, but also with clothes that are impractical. We get tons of footed sleepers, but it is just too hot here for her to wear them. Or things like dresses with scratchy tulle tutu-like skirts. I've just decided I'm going to dispose of whatever won't work for us on Craigslist, eBay, or donate it. I appreciate the sentiment, but I refuse to feel guilty about getting rid of things. I can't have the house filling up with things we can't or won't use.

 

[Wellington]

I hear you Aliss, serenitynow and Jen.
I think I'm going to take a giant leaf out of your books! Why should I feel guilty for having a clutter, dust and trip hazard free house?!

 

[Mum2b_Claire]

Just donated a lot of toys to the charity shop this afternoon, feels great!! What's the point in keeping things that won't be used? E.g a giant toy post office tent that takes up my entire living room. And cuddly toys, my girls like some but there were just too many.

 

[toby1331]

I let my immediate family know that I would rather have gifts like memberships to the local zoo or a card for the baby gym. Something we can enjoy all year and together. This cuts down on some of the toy gifts.

 

[juicyfruity]

I am worried about this/already experincing this and LO is only months old!! i HATE those giant plastic things and all I can think of is underpaid workers and bad fairtrade and how they affect the environemnt etc (this coming from a mother who wasnt crunchy until not longer after I started CDing!) and I have trouble with clothes not made from organic stuff too which is really bad and I hate how pretentious I feel!! But the toys is a biggie for me! I dress her in whatever but I much prefer organic cotton and merino wool (not too expensive in NZ!)

I hate letting people down but it is time for me to stand up and be assertive I guess

 

[lily28]

before baby was born I told my mom to try and keep plastic toys to a minimum. She is a shopaholic and attracted to all things plasticky and shiny...

She actually surprised me pleasantly and she hasn't bought a single plastic thing, she instead buys him organic cotton clothes hehee!

On the other hand, my DH's family doesn't get my not very subtle hints... I sent his sister an email with my wish list of clothes and toys, all of them natural/ eco friendly etc. to help her out with the shopping for baby when she asked what we need. It was like I sent her the catalog of the recalled clothes and toys of the PRC.... I returned what I could, but a lot of them didn't have a return card, so I kept them to donate them.

now I have to deal with my in laws asking if the Cars ©Disney polyester made in PRC flammable curtains are hung in the nursery, and how we like the Smurf clock and the Mickey Mouse dummies.

Barf...

Sometimes it is just hopeless...

 

[Toms Mummy]

Argh, it's so annoying isn't it! We have said for the past 3 years to MIL not to go over the top with christmas/birthday presents, and that they don't have to buy Tom a toy everytime they come to visit! (Once a month or 2). Does she listen? Noooo!

We just have to keep telling her thank you but we can't accept as we have no room. I pick and choose so not to upset her and then I just give them away to charity shops or use a birthday presents for Tom's friends x

 

[MarcsMrs]

When DD was born DHs family bought her about 30 teddy bears....no joke! Why a child would ever need that many is beyond me! We kept one & donated the rest to our local childrens ward!

For birthdays & Xmas my family make a list & everyone buys off the list so thats what I have been doing with DD too.....DHs family think Im pushy & weird but it means we arent over-run with toys & we get the things we need! There are always clothes on the list too & craft supplies so we can make things together!

 

[marina294]

i have this problem with my inlaws. luckily my DH cant stand clutter and has started saying thanks but she doesnt need it etc. but they still buy things! i dread the bootsale season. the ironic thing is my MIL cant stand clutter in her own house if we leave something there she is texting all the time as to when we would pick up before actually bringing it to us a day later. thing is we cant just say oh we gave it to charity shop etc we get asked where these things are ,they say oh you can keep that and LO can use it for dollies after or ive even had her offer that item on to someone without asking me saying well you dont use it anymore makes me scared to throw anything. Then BIL bringing bit his boys no longer need(without asking if we would like it) train sets,toy garage etc and another thing MIL and SIL buying things she cant even use for a couple of years so we have to store those too. me and hubby are in agreement to say we would only like clothes or crafty things(like others said will get used up)in future and no more damn soft toys!!

 

[Toms Mummy]

Agree with the crafty things ... Although I said this to MIL and she went comlpletely overboard buying half of hobbycraft

I ask for books too as they're nice and easy to store and we have to read 3 stories a night so a good selction is great

 

[xsadiex]

We've got a cupboard full of huge plastic toys! It's getting ridiculous. I feel to guilty to get rid, but I've hinted to everyone that we prefer wooden, simple toys.

 

[AnneD]

I've given up being polite when it comes to stuff I don't like or can't use. Well, mostly. My MIL doesn't buy much for my daughter because she doesn't like her (she didn't want me to have her, and then there was gender disappointment), but when she does get her something it's usually something made of plastic and a yukky piggy pink colour. Like a plastic glittery pink broom - for a seven-month-old. It went straight to the charity shop, and I felt like apologizing for dumping that crap on them. MIL is the sort of person who buys you things for the sake of buying (she's a bit of a shoppaholic) but doesn't want to spend money, so if you like cats she'll forever be buying you little chipped cat ornaments from car boot sales, last year's cat calenders, plastic bags with cats on them and then say that she couldn't resist. Well, I can no longer resist getting rid of such stuff and filling my living space with what I actually need and like.

 

[Toms Mummy]

Anne, my mil is like this too. Just buy for the sake of buying! It's ridiculous!