Sister in Law - bit of a long rant, Sorry!

[Luxy]

Before I start my rant I would like to say that I do love my sister in law and I would of never met and married her wonderful brother if it wasn't for her....BUT....here goes....

My FIL - her and DH's dad is turning 65 next week. A few years ago we all agreed, following SIL suggestion, that birthdays and Christmas we would only buy gifts for children up to the age of 18, in other words her son and step-son. Fine by me, makes it cheaper!! As it's FIL 65th DH and I wanted to take him out for a nice meal at a nice restaurant with his lady friend (what do you call a 65 year olds girlfriend????) to celebrate on his actual birthday. This was mine and DH's little birthday gift for him as even though we don't do adult presents we wanted to do something nice for his 65th. We will of had our 12 week scan the day before and were planning on putting a pic in a "grandpa" birthday card and giving it to him at the restaurant to tell him that he has a granchild on the way!

But NOOOOO! SIL finds out we are doing this and sudenly decides that because its her birthday a week before his we had to all go out for a pub lunch at THEIR local in the weekend between their birthdays so that her kids can come. We don't do adult birthday celebrations, just cards, at HER suggestion! She had already told us they weren't planning anything just going to pop over and see him during the day of his birthday which is why we booked a nice evening meal. Ok, fine, we are still going to take him out somewhere nice on his actual birthday
But now her LO has chicken pox so we aren't doing the pub lunch this weekend. Thats fair enough and I hate to think of my little nephew poorly, but now she's decided that all of a sudden wants to be part of the meal DH and I have arranged for his actual birthday but because she's invited herself and my BIL along we now have to have it in THEIR local pub again. Not the nice restaurant the we had booked, no, she's invited herself and changed it all to suit her. GRRRRRRR! And to top it all she's now ruined our baby announcement plans as we wanted to tell parents before we then went on to tell siblings and rest of family.

I know its probably hormones and there is no real rational reason to be annoyed but it's really really bugged me! Everything always revolves around her and BIL and my nephew!

Ok, rant over, well done if you read it all, you've got more patience then me! Just needed to get it off my chest! I'll get back in my little box and put my claws away now

 

[sarah986]

Personally i think she has crossed the line!!If it was me i would never have let her do this and told her everything doesnt revolve around her! (or get your husband to do it!) I hate when people try to ruin my plans, and you have put alot of thought into this and im sure you are soooo xcited about announcing your pregnancy.xxx

 

[NickyNack]

Agreed, she is out of line. Put her in her box and tell her to get her claws away, this was your plans and she has no right to change them to suit her whims.

 

[Miss Mitch]

Wow! I think you need to be firm with this 1, talk to dh and tell him that he needs to sit her down and tell her that she's welcome to come, but it will be at the restaurant you picked, at x time and with/without the kids (whatever you and dh prefer)

Once you let them get there own way once, in my opinion they will just carry on taking the p!

Stand your ground girl! lol xx

 

[Luxy]

Thank you lovely wonderful ladies! I thought I was being a hormonal primadonna making a mountain out of a molehill!

Unfortunately this is what she's like. If we say something she will get all arsey. He's her dad too and she has every right to want to see him on his birthday but why mess up our plans? The whole point is we wanted a grown up evening. I love my nephews dearly but they are both badly behaved little £%&E^&!!!!

 

[Smudgepie]

Yes it's her dad too, so she should have decided to do something nice for him off of her own back! Stand your ground and either you or your DH must tell her that this night was planned specially for just the three of you. She is more than capable of arranging the lunch again once the chicken pox have gone. x

 

[bubbywings]

Crossed the line for sure! What a control freak. DH may need to handle this one. As her brother I am sure it's not the first time he has witnessed her push her weight around.

Can she carry the chickenpox on her? ( I know son has it) Just asking since you will be in close area with her.

 

[punk_chick]

Tell her your going to the restaurant YOU chose and if she doesn't like it tough! stand your ground hun

 

[mom and ttc]

She is insane, no you take him and his gf out, by yourself. Tell her to suck it up

 

[mommylam]

SIL sounds pushy and apparently thinks she runs the show. I think I'd put a stop to this one before it gets too much more out of control. I'd pass on having them at our meal saying that it was planned that way for personal reasons or that your not interested in breaking your reservations. Whatever, it doesn't sound like she worries too much about anyone but herself! It's not hormones, I really do think she's over the top!!!!

 

[SabrinaKat]

Agree with the other ladies, completely -- BUT why not suggest that they (SIL and her OH) join you for a drink after the very nice dinner? That way, you still can tell FIL and have a private dinner, but she can see her dad as well?

best wishes

ps. we took our MIL out for lunch and handed her the 12wk scan picture, as I had had a mc two years before, she was over the moon and within a day, everybody in the greater dublin area knew....(so maybe your FIL will be so excited that he will mention at the drinks/SIL and she will understand why you wanted private time?)

 

[lakeecho]

She is being unreasonable and a control freak and I think that a 65th birthday deserves more celebration than a pub lunch. I like the idea of inviting them for drinks after dinner, but I don't think you should cancel your dinner reservations, it is just too big of an occasion (both the birthday and the baby announcement) and hopefully once your SIL hears about the news, she will understand.

 

[FeliciaD]

Agreed, she is out of line. Put her in her box and tell her to get her claws away, this was your plans and she has no right to change them to suit her whims.

Agreed

 

[EMC0528]

This made me laugh because it is TOTALLY something my SIL or MIL would do.

I agree with the other ladies. I used to allow myself to be pushed around by the women in DH's family because I didn't want to make waves. It took A LOT of effort to for me to put a stop to it once it started happening. I had my husband intervening a lot because it was hard for me to do it on my own.

I would definitely put an end to it now. She can't just change everything you already had planned to suit her needs.

 

[Kato2]

your post made me laugh (in a nice way)..... i think you SIL will be coming from a nice place and would probably be mortified if she knew she was ruining your plans but I agree think your husband should just say 'no, we want to stick with original plan'... she'll understand a few weeks later when you tell them the amazing news!!! xxx

 

[Mrs W 11]

I agree with everything everyone has said! It was a lovely idea you had and you and dh should stick to that plan! Also the earlier poster had a good point, pregnant women mustn't be near anyone with chicken pox. Maybe once the news is out you can explain that as one of your reasons, along with telling fil the happy news on his bday. Good luck x

 

[Sunshine12]

Get your OH to tell her that you are not changing your plans and if she wants to attend then she can but you are having it at the restaurant you already booked.

 

[peacelikeariv]

Perhaps you and hubby could prepare a nice meal at your home and invite FIL for a surprise supper, but the big surprise will be a new baby! You could do this before the pub dinner. Oh and don't announce it to the SIL.

Agree with the others don't go around the pox. JIC