Sister pregnant

[Lou32]

Hi everyone, Not been on here for a while as we've had a few months off TTC (due to illness, not out of choice! It's been a really tough year waiting and waiting to be better)
Just as I was hoping to start the long-awaited first attempt at IVF in July, I've found out my little sister is pregnant. She was obviously dreading telling me and I feel terrible because, as much as I say I'm happy for her (which I am), I feel completely devastated. I've watched friend after friend get pregnant, I've turned down god knows how many invitations to avoid situations which upset me and avoided countless social situations to the point where I barely have any friends left. It will be impossible to do this with her and I'm angry at myself for wanting to because I want to be excited for her. But I can't, I just feel pretty distraught and like a total failure. All the enthusiasm for IVF has disappeared and it seems pretty bleak right now.
Please tell me I'm not a totally selfish cow!
OH doesn't understand really. We've been TTC over 18 months and have MF.

PS - Can I just add that, I've not been on here for about 6 months and I can't believe how many new names there are. I'm hoping this is because all the other girls got pregnant!!!

 

[roonsma]

Hi everyone, Not been on here for a while as we've had a few months off TTC (due to illness, not out of choice! It's been a really tough year waiting and waiting to be better)
Just as I was hoping to start the long-awaited first attempt at IVF in July, I've found out my little sister is pregnant. She was obviously dreading telling me and I feel terrible because, as much as I say I'm happy for her (which I am), I feel completely devastated. I've watched friend after friend get pregnant, I've turned down god knows how many invitations to avoid situations which upset me and avoided countless social situations to the point where I barely have any friends left. It will be impossible to do this with her and I'm angry at myself for wanting to because I want to be excited for her. But I can't, I just feel pretty distraught and like a total failure. All the enthusiasm for IVF has disappeared and it seems pretty bleak right now.
Please tell me I'm not a totally selfish cow!
OH doesn't understand really. We've been TTC over 18 months and have MF.

PS - Can I just add that, I've not been on here for about 6 months and I can't believe how many new names there are. I'm hoping this is because all the other girls got pregnant!!!

Hi Lou, just wanted to say i know how you're feeling, my beloved sis announced to me a few weeks ago she's pregnant, i'm happy for her and hope and pray she has a healthy 9 months but............. i'm still wishing it could be me, my circumstances are different to yours as i have a 4 year old but i've had 3 losses at various times over the past 10 months or so and its so hard to keep happy for her.

I'm sure one day you'll get your baby to hold and all this hurt will fade into a distant memory, it will get easier to cope with you sisters news.. i found out about 3 weeks ago and i'm feeling much better about it now.

Good luck, i do know how you're feeling

 

[silarose28]

Hiya Lou32

You're not being selfish at all. It's bloody awful watching everyone around you get pregnant and not being able to join in! I am really close to my sister and would be happy if she got pregnant, but would feel exactly the same as you! I have another friend going through IVF at the same time as me and she is the only one I can be really honest about these things too. And do you know what - she feels exactly the same. We are always calling each other for support when yet another 'happy news' announcement is made. We scream about how sick we are of 'happy news'!!! I don't mean that nastily either - I am happy for people - but can't help feeling devastated myself each time.

At least your sister sounds as if she is being sensitive. That will really help. I just do my best to show that I am happy and to support my friends - but I don't beat myself up for distancing myself at times. I rationalise my behaviour by thinking that they have are having happy times and are not sad/depressed so therefore don't really need my support to cope - but I need to protect myself to cope so it's ok to be selfish at times! I have tried to surround myself with single friends - though that backfired recently when a friend who hadn't even met her partner when I started trying concieved and has now had a baby!!! ARGH!!!

Treat yourself and give yourself some TLC for a few days and you will feel better. July is a little way off yet so I'm sure you will be feeling more positive by then. I am having my first attempt starting in July too. Hopefully we will have out BFPs soon xxxxx

 

[wishful think]

my sister just had her baby 3 weeks ago. I remember the day she told me that she was pregnant. I was devastated but tried my best to be happy for her. She really wanted to tell me first cause we are close enough but she didnt want to upset me. It was really tough at the beginning but it got alot easier. Now she has her new little baby boy and im delighted for her but inside my heart is crumbling every time i see her and the baby. I feel really selfish for feeling this way but i just keep it to myself as i dont want to upset her as i know her hormones are still all over the place!!! Today was especially hard as i was referred to the fertility clinic after being told the chances of us conceiving naturally are slim - we will need assistance. Doc said they might try iui but more than likely its ivf. So Lou32 i dont think u are being selfish at all. It is all just soooooooo hard. How we all can actually bring ourselves to get out of bed every day amazes me xx

 

[Blue12]

Oh hun, heatbreaking. I find the closer the person the harder it is. You are not selfish one bit. Completely opposite - I hope you allow yourself to feel how you feel and take care of yourself. July IVF - you should join the july ivf thread.

 

[Lou32]

Thanks guys. I suppose I know I can't help feeling like this, so it must be normal (and I've read posts on here before of people feeling similar), but I guess one of the hardest things is other people understanding it. DH can't seem to get his head around it as he thinks I'm treating it like some kind of competition, which I'm not! I know my dad will tell me to stop being stupid and be happy for her (as much as I love him, he's kind of tactful like that!)
I think you're right Blue12, the closer the person is, the harder it is.
I wish I could surround myself with single friends, but unfortunately I don't have any left! They're all attached and one-by-one getting pregnant....
Of course it would be great if I got preggers this year as both me and my sis could be pregnant together, but as I've learned over the past couple of years, things don't tend to go the way you want them to!

 

[rachelle1975]

Hey Lou i can totally sympathise
After 3 years TTC and confiding in my sister (who never showed any interest in babies) she announced she was 12 weeks preggers over the phone, half way through my IVF cycle in April - my cancel got cancelled the following week. I went through feeling shocked, betrayed, upset - unfortunately all my close friends are currently pregnant so now i felt i had nobody left to turn to. It took 2 months to get us back on an even keel because neither of us knew how to deal with things - i went OTT buying her baby stuff as i couldn't buy it for me and she was stroppy. Now things are so much better.

It's perfectly natural to have all these feelings and be so overwhelmed - it's easier to have these feelings about friends than family as that feels even more wrong.

In some ways my IVF cycle being cancelled was a blessing as imagine if it had failed? I had put myself under so much pressure to be pregnant at the same time as her - now my goal is to be pregnant before she gives birth in october!

I got through it by being thankful she doesn't have to go through all the pain and trauma that we have to go through to have a little one. We also have MF and i know deep down in my heart that we will get preggers this year through ICSI and all of this pain will be a distant memory. You will get through this i promise.

And on a positive note... you get to practice the trial and error bits so you are a pro when your IVF twins come along

 

[Blue12]

When my brothers girlfriend (of 5months) announced she was pg - I fell to pieces and then told my parents of my situation - which they just couldn't at that moment understand the enormity of my devastation -they do now fortunately or unfortunately lol.

It took me 3 months to be able to be around her - then her and I had a long talk (6 hours) of a crying session together. I thought we were going to be okay - and I said I would still like to throw her a baby shower. Then she said she hopes I don't have my period on the day of the baby shower. WTF - All I could think is how dare she think I won't be pg before she has the baby - it devastates me to this day. Well the baby has been born and is now almost 6 months old - and of course - I am still not pg.

It is better and worse now. I found near the end of the pg when she had a really nice and big bump it devastated me just to look at her, and the day of the birth seeing video clips and pics just ruined me. But today it is a bit better. I love him to bits, but am so jealous and think how unfair the situation is. Which isn't to do with her, but it just hurts more because the reminder of what other people have and I do occurs so much more often because it is family.

to all...

 

[Lou32]

Rachelle1975 - Icsi twins would be my dream come true, so I'm praying this is the case. I think we all deserve this after everything we've all gone through. I feel a little better after speaking to my mum and dad about it all as they understand how devastated I feel. I was worried they'd think I was being selfish. I haven't spoken to my sis since though. I'm dreading the time she starts to show as just seeing a pregnant woman feels like a knife through the heart. I'm sure it's the same for most of the ladies on here...
I does feel like there's more pressure on the IVF though this summer. I've just been reading all the latest news stories on IVF, which are not very positive, and it's put me in a terrible mood. I'm so NOT reading any more horror stories about ivf as it makes it feel even more unobtainable. Positive thinking all the way...!
Again, thanks to you all for your replies. You've no idea how much it helps.

 

[Chesca]

Hiya Lou32,

I just want you to know that you are totally not alone in this situation. My little sister recently announced she was pregnant also. We are very close and I know she was very worried about telling me out. She actually told me first which was really lovely of her! As much as I am over the moon for her, it is just one massive constant remider that I am not pregnant and as time goes on I am finding it even harder to deal with - she will be 12 weeks on Tuesday. She had her scan a few weeks back and sent me a picture message of the photo - my heart just sank and I wanted to cry. I felt like such a bitch!!!!
I am trying to take the high road but it's just so hard! We we talk now alot of the conversation is around her pregnancy, which is fine but she keeps coming out with these sayings 'when your pregnant......' and it just sounds so patronising!!! I know she definately doesn't mean it like that and it's probably just me being over sensitive but it has really just been getting to me.

DP and I have been TTC for 3.5 years. We had our first cycle of IVF/ ICSI earlier in the year but had to cancel ET as I was well after EC. We are off on holiday in a few weeks and are hoping for FET in July/ Aug.

Everyone around me seems to be falling pregnant, goodness knows how I will cope when they all start to show!!! DP doesn't really understand why I feel the way I do but they don't have to go through the IVF stuff in the same way we do so i can't really expect him to fully get it.

I've just come to the conclusion that these feelings are totally valid, and I must say that a good cry every now and again always helps to let out the frustration!!

chesca xxxx

 

[Blue12]

I totally agree about having a good cry - it is a shite situation.

 

[Lou32]

Wow Chesca, our situations are so similar.
And yes, it is totally shite.

 

[Chesca]

I know!! It's totally rubbish.
And to top it off a girl at work has just announced she is pregnant and it was an accident as they didn't want another!! errrgggghhhh!!!!!!!!!! she isn't even really happy about it yet either..... so bloody annoying!!!

And breath......Sorry girls..... rant over!!

Lou - I hope you are much better now and ready for the journey of IVF. You should come and join the July thread.

Chesca xx

 

[MummyIwanabe]

You're not selfish, I too feel like this and its' incredibly hard.

We too have a MF and have been trying for 18 months. We tried before all our friends and they're all pregnant and have had or are having babies. I feel so alone, thank god for here otherwise I would have gone nuts.

I feel so guilty as 2 mates have had their babies and the third is 5 months pregnant but I just can't bare to be around her at the moment. Partly I guess because I told her that I found it hard with all the baby talk - little did I know that she was sat there secretly pregnant and didn't tell me then ding ding at the dinner table one meal with everyone they announced they were pregnant after 1 month of trying (even though they knew how hard it was for me) i would have appreciated them telling me seperately before hand so I could prepare myself but no they wanted all the attention and I struggled not to cry infront of everyone. Very very hard and even worse when you feel like a cow for it. I should be happy for them but I'm tired of feeling like I should be happy for them and worrying about what they might think, I need to think of myself now and do what's best for me. i've not seen that friend for 4 weeks I think and too be honest I'm relieved. I saw my next door neighbour suddenly has a bump and I burst into tears in our home as I saw her outside and it was a shock. There's bumps everywhere at the moment, they seem to come out in summer!

*sigh* i couldn't sleep last night as I suddenly thought it's prob my mates scan today and it made me feel upset and envious I guess. As if this IVF lark isn't bad enough and then all the emotion of not feeling happy for other people, it's really hard and it sucks!

Saw a couple of people over the weekend smoking and drinking whilst preggo and grrr well what can I say there's no justice in the world. Not a surprise!