Sister Trying To Conceive

[SisterTrying]

Hello All,

My sister is trying to conceive her first child. They have been trying since the end of January with no success. She has been doing all the tricks, taking vitamins, tracking her ovulation etc. With every month that passes my sister gets more depressed about it.

In my family, getting pregnant has not been an issue. Actually preventing pregnancy has been a greater one. So when my sister started trying, we thought it would be a breeze. She is in her early twenties with no medical issues. All she wants to do is be a mom and it breaks my heart to see her so depressed about it.

I am asking for advice. As her sister, what can I do to support her? I know that they have not been trying long. I know of women who spend years trying to conceive or suffer through multiple miscarriages. Sometimes I don't know what to say or do. She knows it will happen when its supposed to, but she is tired of hearing that. I know that her sadness about it is only going to make it more difficult to get pregnant.

So for those of who have been trying a long time, what are some things that have helped you through? How was your family supportive?

-Sister feeling helpless

 

[ItsAWonder]

I luckily have a daughter now but before her I went through a lot. For me, it was best for people around me to treat me normally and not talk about it. If I wanted to discuss the matter I would bring it up but, if I was not talking it was because I did not want to think about it. I can still remember the looks people gave me, the pats on the back, the "well, you look good" comments, it all equals one thing - pity. Just treat her like a normal person.

The only person I wanted to hear from were those with similar experiences. Everyone else, no matter how much they tried, said the wrong things.

You can't understand what you have not been through - especially if you haven't ttc yet (I don't know if you have).

If she does want advice, tell her to google the Sperm Meets Egg Plan (SMEP). It's best for her to read about it than have you read about it and instruct her.

 

[lisap2008]

I think the best way to support her is dont bring up TTC or babys at all , doing this only puts the pressure on for her to conceive and its very difficult with every failed cycle ,especially when family is pressuring.

Dont bring up the fact that no one in your family has had trouble conceiving this will just make her feel worse like she is broken, Just act as if they are normal couple not even trying.

If she comes to you wanting advice then I would encourage her to go in to a reproductive endocrinologist for fertility testing a HSG to make sure everything is open for conception and healthy, and a semen analysis for her husband is a good idea.

Although there could be nothing wrong and it can take a fertile couple up to a year to conceive on the other hand knowledge is power and you cant treat infertility without knowing whats preventing conception. so if a couple has been trying with good timing for 6+ months and failing then I recommend fertility testing.

 

[DobbyForever]

Hi! I whole heartedly agree with the previous posters. If she needs support, she will ask for it. In the meanwhile, don't bring it up.

I can feel for her. I'm turning 26 in a couple weeks, and I have always been fertile Myrtle getting pregnant when taking everything to not. Women in my family pop out kids like rabbits. But now that I am ready, it isn't happening as quickly as I hoped. I didn't tell my family we are ttc because I was so tired of people asking before that I can't imagine the pressure if they knew. Keep her mind off of babies, but be sensitive of what someone ttcing can and cannot do. IE maybe avoid inviting her over for wine and sushi lol. Just be her sister.

Maybe you could also research some stuff so if she is upset you can help ease her anxiety? I have a message from my gun that says it can take up to a year for a healthy couple to conceive, that my uterus is healthy and young, and to hang in there and keep trying for my precious baby. Honestly, that's the only thing that picks me up when I am depressed

 

[SisterTrying]

Thank you for the replies. You are right. I have never tried to conceive. That is why I came to you guys. I have no idea what she is feeling. As her big sister, all I want is to make sure she is happy.

She recently has been feeling better. She found a couple sites like this and it makes her feel better that she can communicate with people that know exactly what she is going through. She also revealed that she wants to be excited about a baby but feels she does not have the right to because she is not pregnant yet. She has been hiding all the baby purchases she has made. I assured her that she had every right to be excited and that I am on board with this

Thank you for the insight on avoiding things she can't do. I definitely did not think of that! Going to start researching things someone trying to conceive can't do or eat. Which is unfortunate, because we both like wine and sushi

 

[xSweetTartx]

Sushi isn't nearly as dangerous as some people make it out to be ;P I ate it through my entire pregnancy as do many women. As long as it's fresh and definitely high quality there isn't really a risk. My doctor says to just avoid fish high in mercury. My husband is Vietnamese so avoiding fish and sushi all together would have been impossible. Haha.

Anyway, I agree with previous posters about avoiding talking about babies unless she wants to. To cheer her up though, just invite her out to do stuff. It will give her a chance to unwind and take her mind off of things. When you are TTC, you become obsessed with your cycle and timing. It's so stressful. Also, collecting baby things while TTC is very healthy. It gives you hope that you are going to have that baby. Next time she brings it up- encourage her. There's nothing wrong with preparing and it's never too soon.

 

[lisap2008]

I agree with sweettart sushi is not as dangerous as some make it out to be ,when she is pregnant just advise her stay away from high mercury fish and limit raw fish sushi , california rolls are harmless though and there are lots of conflicting studies on the effects of wine while TTC , so my advice is everything in moderation.