Sisters baby due soon - not sure I am strong enough

[dreamer83]

The never ending waiting to try with no deadline in sight. I am pretty sure menopause will hit before I get a 'yes' from my husband.

Anyway my sister is due shortly and he will be the first (baby in the family). Now I know he is going to be here soon but somehow I have been putting off the whole 'real life baby' thing and how it will emotionally effect me.

I was sitting in the office at work earlier today when a member of staff who is away on maternity leave walks in carrying a very young baby. Cue squeals from the other women in the office and a fight to hold the baby but my instant reaction to seeing the baby was one of utter shock and a blow to the guts. It actually made it hard to breathe. Now there are babies everywhere you go and thankfully I am no longer effected by them but this suddenly seemed so very real. Here was a real baby of someone I knew and it hurt so much. All I could do was try to focus my eyes on the computer screen and I did not realise I was crying until I tear landed on my keyboard so I made myself scarce until the office was baby free.

Now this has really shaken me up. How am I going to react when my nephew comes along? We all live fairly close by so retreating is not an option. I don't know if I am strong enough to tough it out and plaster on a fake smile everytime I see him!

It just the bitter jealousy combined with overwhelming feelings of grief and loss and it makes me so scared.

 

[ssarahh]

Oh I am so sorry to hear your struggling.

I know how you feel. My sister is due to have her baby in 10 days and I am so excited for her ... I also feel like I am going to be so jealous. My husband is really close to my sister and I think seeing him with the baby is going to be the killer. I am completely surrounded by heavily pregnant relatives and friends at the moment. I think the next few months will be hard for bloodiness but on the positive ... I might get lots of hand me downs xx

 

[Angel_blues]

I'm so sorry, I absolutely know how you feel. my SIL is due at the end of then month and I am ridiculously jealous every time I think of it. The only thing I am hoping for is my OH will fall so in love with his nephew he will move our date forward.

I know you said you don't have a date yet but MAYBE just maybe spending time with your nephew will spark something in your OH as well and you may just get a date out of it!! Be strong, we are here for you

 

[MissN8]

I know how you feel this has happened to me in work but I just put a smile on because its their. Moment and I know my time will come doesn't make I easy though. Believe me when your sister baby is born you will just feel love sure a bit of jealousy but the love will overcome that. Being an aunt is great fun enjoy it.

 

[meg_bellamy]

My sister just had a baby too. When she had her first baby 5 years ago I don't remember feeling jealous. But this time when she announced her pregnancy I wasn't as excited, I was just sad. Throughout her pregnancy and when the baby was born I don't think I was as excited as last time, I definitely had bits of sadness and jealousy in there. It's normal I think, and you're not alone.

 

[storm4mozza]

I am sorry your feeling like this i can only imagine how hard this is for you, I have not experienced this.. i had been on the other side. My sister has been TTC and has had to see me with my 2 beautiful babies, she is happy for me but i know deep down it is hard on her to see me (her younger sister) as a mother when she is not.

Another blow to her was she did get pregnant and had a miscarriage, her baby would have been due a week before her friend (who has since had twins). I felt terrible for her and i am now currently WTT baby #3 and i felt scared to tell her incase she thought i was 'shoving it in her face' i feel stupid now since she has reassured me, my point is though maybe you should explain your feelings to your sister so at least if you do loose some composure, she will understand and hopefully be able to help support you. I hope you get the yes off your DH soon x

 

[Tasha]

In 2011, I was so scared of this. My baby was born sleeping At 24+3 and her cousin was due a couple of months after my baby's due date. I was terrified of meeting him. My brother and SIL made sure I met him with just them there, that way if I was sad only we saw it. It turned out, I held him and fell in love with him. Any way the point being, the love for your nephew can outweigh everything. Talk to them, They will probably be more understanding than you think. X

 

[EmmySocks]

I'm sorry I know how you feel. I'm new to this forum but it's a relief to hear other people feel like this too. My husband is also not ready to try, although he is trying to be supportive. I work in a largely female workplace with 3 or 4 people on various stages of maternity leave, I find it difficult to escape. I understand how you must be feeling.

I've tried to be open but casual with friends with babies and have said along the lines of 'wow i'm so jealous, he/she is amazing. I can't wait to have my own'. If someone is sensitive and open to being supportive its a good way in without committing too much emotion. Perhaps you could test the water with your sister, she may already guess you may feel this way and might be able to reassure and support you.

And perhaps explain to your husband how you feel so at least he can try to support you when visiting your sister or when you've had a tough experience at work.

xxxx

 

[NovemberSnow]

I'm so sorry you're finding it difficult.

I don't think you mentioned how old you are - how far away do you think you are from menopause?

I hope you are able to have a proper talk with your partner and set a timeline soon