Sitting here crying

[Skywalker]

I was CERTAIN I was pregnant. Certain. Cramped every day from the 18th of Aug to today, getting up at night to pee, etc. Just went to the bathroom and wiped and there's blood. There's that part of me that still is idiotic/foolish enough to think it could be implantation bleeding but 99 percent of me knows not to be so idiotic/foolish. I know this is stupid but I truly believed I was pregnant and it feels like I just lost a baby... which I have done before, I miscarried before I had my son, so maybe that's why this is hard, because it feels like that? My SO was home to visit and I went to the bathroom and just came out crying and then couldn't even talk because if I did I'd just cry more. I can't even begin to tell you how discouraged I feel. We weren't like actively trying but we both genuinely believed I was and both got so excited, talking about names, etc. Yes I know there are more cycles and I had no idea just how excited I was about this and how much I want another baby until this happened. I don't even feel like I can continue to work the rest of the day, I'm just heartbroken. Probably no way to talk SO into trying, either, and it wouldn't realistically be smart until we're doing a bit better financially but try telling my biological clock or my womb that. Just want to go back to bed the rest of the day. Thanks for listening to my rant. Feeling a bit emotional if you can't tell.

 

[sopho]

Sorry ur feeling like this have u done a test? X

 

[MissF]

So sorry you are feeling this way! I also am wondering if you have tested? It isn't uncommon for early bleeding.

 

[Skywalker]

I did a test like a week and a half ago but I know that was too soon. I ordered more tests online that should get here in two days but I'm feeling so heartbroken I don't want to get any hopes up again. I didn't have bleeding except in second trimester with my son when I lifted something too heavy and was put on bed rest, and the only bleeding I had in the pregnancy before that was my miscarriage. I know it's not uncommon for early pregnancy bleeding but I guess I supposed since it never happened to me before this is just AF here to laugh at how vulnerable and lame she made me seem.

 

[LoraLoo]

I'm sorry hun, it's horrible when you get your hopes up and then aren't. Big hugs x

 

[Hollys_Twinny]

 

[sdc010905]

Aww hun, its a terrible feeling, talk to your SO. Back last sept i fell pg unplanned, at first when i was late we were panicked then i was getting pos frers and neg digis so we werent sure. Then when it became clear i was having a chemical we were so disappointed. DH went from not wanting anymore kids to begging me to try for #3 and here we are x

 

[fairycat]

So sorry that triggered that for you, it's hard. I agree, have a heart to heart with your SO. There's really no "right" time for a baby. Hang in there.

 

[Skywalker]

Thanks ladies. I talked to him a bit when he got home but he had a night class to go to so I think we'll talk later. Whenever we talk about it, it's always the finance thing it comes down to. He wants to make enough money to propose, have a nice wedding, have a nice honeymoon, then have enough money to have the baby. It does make sense and is obviously the most ideal way to do it, but we're both divorcees and neither are getting any younger, and I just feel like when I found myself unexpectedly pregnant with my son, I whipped my life together and created a business out of thin air to sustain me when I was a single (pregnant) first-time mother to be. I think it's obviously smart to get your ducks in a row as much as possible but I feel like my SO is underestimating the amount of time it will take to have enough money for this engagement and wedding and honeymoon and then baby... that's like, years off! He DID just get a small raise at work and our business IS doing a bit better (that I run online) and he's slated to get another small raise soon but it's not going to make such a drastic change that we suddenly have the money for that. I did mention to him that this situation made me realize how much I want a new baby and he said, "Me too, and we will..." The "And we will..." part made my heart sink because I was like, welp, I better say hello to years of waiting to try and hope to GOD by the time we're ready to try, he's still able to.

 

[TTCBabyG2015]

Big hugs Hun