Skin to skin contact...

[Flower15]

How do you feel about people other than yourself and OH doing skin to skin contact with your newborn?

I ask because I had a pretty bad experience with my MIL after birth. Things were so stressful I ended up back in hospital when DD was 4 days old having a blood transfusion. Ive not spoke or seen my MIL since DD was 7 months old (there were other issues). My OH takes her once a week to see her for an hour. Ive never stopped her from seeing her despite our issues.

Before things got so bad, when DD was a few weeks old, I left MIL holding her whilst I nipped for a shower. When I came back down, my tiny newborn baby was down her top doing skin to skin contact. I went crazy to my OH. 20 months on and I am still seething. Being pregnant again has brought it all back, I hate the fact that she will have to see my newborn when Im not around and its just OH. Am I overreacting or was it not her place to do that? Skin to skin is about bonding for mother and baby, initiating breast feeding, to regulate the babies core temperature, theres so many advantages for mother and baby. I feel like she took something really personal away from me. Any thoughts? Sorry about the rant x

 

[emalou90]

im even weird about my OH doing it

but just us, nobody else. its not there place.

 

[Flower15]

Haha thanks Emma, I know Ive ranted to you before about it

As my pregnancy is progressing Im getting more nervous about it. My OH is going to tell her next week Im pregnant. I cant relax and enjoy it x

 

[emalou90]

i think, once baby is here, shes going to come to your house right? and if she does anything of the sort again, id kick her out.
regarding going to her house, id accompany your newborn everywhere. its your baby, not hers and if you have something to say, damn well say it. thats what i regret about when i first had amelia.

 

[Flower15]

Yeh she will come mine, I was just going to busy myself upstairs. Then shout down to OH when I want him/her back. At the moment he takes ellie there, but theres no way I want my newborn baby going round there for at least 6 months. Shes horrible to my OH, but he just puts up with it If she treats ellie the way she does him when shes older Il go crazy!! x

 

[emalou90]

ill say it again but she sounds like my MIL.
id stick around her tbh.. as much as you dont want too.. at least youll know whats going on and could stop her at any point x

 

[jenmcn1]

I personally believe that should ONLY be for mommy and daddy! I would be VERY upset if I walked in to my MIL or even my own mother doing that!!! So I can totally see how you would be upset! Personally, I would say that if she wants to see the newborn, and your DD than she needs to swallow her pride and come to your house for a visit.
I just don't think a newborn should be separated from mom at all in the first few weeks.

 

[redlemonade]

I would NOT be happy if anyone other than my DH or me had skin to skin with our baby! You're totally in the right here. Does she know how much that upset you? Is it something you could prevent by putting up those boundaries now? Like 'last time, with DD, I was very unhappy that you had skin to skin contact. DH and I are very uncomfortable with anybody apart from us having skin to skin with our baby, I hope you understand'.

 

[jenmcn1]

I agree with redlemonade...it's good to set up appropriate boundaries. And if she doesn't respect them, than that's her choice, but then she won't be left alone with baby.

 

[Flower15]

Thanks everyone.

Shes never once been alone with Ellie since. Ellies almost 2. I just could never trust her. I did tell her at the time and since how much it hurt and upset me, but she said Im being silly over 'tivial' things. She will never say sorry or admit shes in the wrong. If she is annoyed at OH for something when he has taken ellie to visit her, she just completely blanks her. As if its a one year olds fault she cant have her own way! Ive just told my OH that if she ignores my child once more, ellie wont go again. He agreed and said it is pathetic. She says what she did is a 'natural thing for grandparents to do with their grandchildren'. My own mum would never have done something like that! Yet she frowned on me for trying to breastfeed as if it was unnatural!

I know so many months on I should be overcoming it, but I cant and being pregnant again has brought all the feelings back. I just cant relax. This baby was very planned, but a week before my BFP I tried to wriggle out of TTC as I knew I would be like this. But obviously it was a bit late as I was already pregnant. Which I don't regret at all. Im just fed up

Shes a nightmare! Anyone want to swap MILs with me? x

 

[emalou90]

no, beacuase mines the same... haha
she didnt even say hello to me and just went out, when i went over to meet OH and amelia after work the other day. cow.

 

[Flower15]

Haha!! What is it with MIL's? If I have a boy, Il make sure I do everything opposite to ours when he gets a wife and has a child!! Mine didnt even bring LO a present when she came to visit us in hospital, just a card. X

 

[little moomin]

Sorry haven't read all replies but Hell no! My husband did with our son and will again i feel its important esp if bf but nobody else will even hold my child after weighing etc Nevermind put their stinks on him/her

 

[imaswimmer2]

That's kinda creepy :/ skin to skin was just for me and my baby. My husband has coarse chest hair, or I'd let him, though. Anyone else is just weird lol

 

[Mrs HM]

I'd be upset about this too. It wasn't her place and it's very bad that she can't even admit that she was in the wrong. But, don't let her spoil the enjoyment and excitement of your new LO. You are LO's mummy and you decide who she/he sees and when, so don't feel powerless. Try to let the past go and just be resigned to kicking her ass if she tries it again!

 

[floridamomma]

my ex mil actually tried to watch me breastfeed, she wanted to watch the baby latch on!!! I believe skin to skin is for mom/dad only why would anyone else feel the need to do that? I would set boundaries early because if you dint people tend to go overboard and forget babies are sensitive early on

 

[Erised]

Wow, talking about waaay overstepping the natural boundaries. I'm sure that in some civilizations and cultures it's completely normal. Not in your average British household though.

I would not have been happy with it, and that's an understatement.
My mum respected my boundaries to the point where she wouldn't even pick up my baby without asking me first. Same for MIL actually, even though we were living in her house!

 

[MrsGax]

I would be mad if anyone but me or DH did skin to skin with our baby. That is just weird. I do not understand why she wanted to do that? Sorry girl! You have every right to be upset.

 

[Teeny]

so did she strip ur little one to do this?

also, if she is all u say, why do you allow access at all?

 

[Flower15]

so did she strip ur little one to do this?

also, if she is all u say, why do you allow access at all?

Good question. It's my OH's Mum at the end of the day, he still wants to maintain a relationship with her, I cant stop him from doing so. He wants to take her once a week with him. Its for 30-60 minutes and its supervised with him being there. As said I wouldnt trust her on her own with her. DD needs to figure what she thinks about her by herself as she gets older, would she not resent me if I withdrew access completely? It will never be unsurpervised contact. x