slightly heartbroken..so silly really

[CertainTurton]

So we have a beautiful 2 year 3 month old dd and until about 3 months ago ttc no 2 was a "in the future at some point" kind of thing. Then I started to get quite broody (I work with babies so hit me bad! ) and we decided to ntnp from June. ..so I start to get excited but today (cd 7) we dtd and he refuses to without a condom and says he isnt ready. Of course I respect he needs to be on board but I am so disappointed and upset (more than I thought I would I
Or feel I should be). I really don't want too big a gap but he says he doesn't know when he will be ready so I am just waiting on him now
Need to get over this and know how supportive you all can be!

 

[Eleanor ace]

. Perhaps remind him that even if you do fall pregnant straight away you have 9 months to get ready, for your LO to get a bit older etc. DH and I both wanted a 2 year-ish age gap but despite this he was a bit anxious about ttc and when we concieved he was worried about having number 2. The only thing that helped was reminding him about the near year we had before LO number 2 arrived.

 

[Beanonorder]

That situation is so hard and I completely sympathise! My dh did something similar. Number 2 was always in the future but when I started to get broody (and also thinking of the age gap) I brought the subject up and he suddenly told me he didn't want another one! I was devastated. Eventually I wrote him a letter explaining exactly why I wanted another one, reminding him of the great relationship we each share with our brothers and all that. He is still very reluctant but has agreed we can ntnp for another one. It took some work to get him on board but I know he won't regret it. I know its not that he didn't want another one but he was thinking of the financial implications, and lifestyle changes.
It is really heartbreaking when your dh isn't on the same page as you and I really hope that he comes round. Like the pp said, remind him that it still takes 9 months for the next one to get here.
*hugs*

 

[KalonKiki]

I'm so sorry hun, I know how hard it can be when you OH isn't on the same page as you.

We were WTT until this time next year after our wedding, but now he's saying that he doesn't know when he'll be ready and asked me not to bring it up again. Frankly I'm crushed as I also don't want too big of an age gap. I agreed that I would be willing to wait until 2016, but no longer. He'd better be ready by then.

I wish I had a good piece of advice to give you, but unfortunately since I'm in a very similar situation I'm afraid I can only offer my sympathy. I really hope that your OH comes around soon.

 

[noon_child]

I know how strong that physical "need" can be, but if you can try to think about the situation without the broody goggles on (because your OH wont know, or ever know what that feels like) would you choose to be a parent again?

I'd love to be pregnant again and would be crushed to go through an early menopause or anything like that, but I know that it is a hormonal feeling, a biologiocal imperative that has kept the human race alive, but when I think about the following questions I know I'm not ready and need to ignore my urges:

Do I want any part of the newborn stage again? No

Do I enjoy being home from work 'playing' with a baby? No

Have I recovered from over 2years of broken sleep? No

If the baby was disabled and needed lifelong care do I think I'd cope? No

Am I ready to think about moving house in order to accommodate another child? No

Do I want to deal with two teenagers in the house at the same time? No

Do I have the support network I need to keep my life and relationship alive while still looking after children? No (me and OH went through a really bad patch due to all our family being far away and never having time off together - in 3.5yrs we've been out together 7 times!)

Maybe your OH has a similar list and because he's more detached from the hormonal side of things this makes this list a VERY good reason why he wants to wait and not insignificant in his eyes. I know you can't turn off how you feel but it may help you resent him less.

 

[nickielg]

I completely know how you feel! Since losing our daughter last year when I was 24 wks pg, I wanted to try again right away. At first DH was on board, then he changed his mind. Now we are planning for Oct of this year.

We are currently building a house & I know he's super stressed about that & our future budget. But as some of you have stated, it takes 9 months! And as I told my mom last night, what is really 3.5 months?!

I have PCOS, and have been off BCP for 4 months now & think I may be getting af (or hopefully a pleasant pg surprise!) & told him, you never know when my af could just decide not to come back again.

But just hold strong, & maybe y'all can try & have another talk about it. I think sometimes men don't fully understand it!