Small age gap vs longer age gap?

[hollowmac]

I have 10 years between my first and my second and then only 21 months between my second and third. That was a big change for me. But however u decide, u will be fine. It is something only u and your OH can decide. For me, having a 10 year to help with the baby was great because she loved to hold him and play with him as he got older but having the two boys so close together is great. They are only one grade level apart in school and have been on the same ball team a few times which is good. They do argue because of how close they are in age but they comes with all siblings. Good luck to u and your family.

 

[cammyg]

As posted earlier in the thread, think it's a bit ridiculous to suggest that your children won't be as smart if they're closer in age. Just my opinion, but i really don't think kids need your complete, undivided attention to become happy, well adjusted and everything else. Think it's more about how you use your time with them. Would definitely have to agree that age is no guarantee of closeness though! All we can do is hope that our kids will get along

Good luck to you in whatever you decide,

 

[EmmyReece]

With not having kids myself yet all I can do is say what I've seen with my cousin. She's had very small age gaps between all 3 of her girls to the extent where she almost had 3 under the age of 3 at one point and even now she says it's so worth it and wouldn't change it for the world. The only thing she's dreading is when puberty hits

 

[aoife2013]

No LOs as of yet and I am not techniquely WTT anymore, now on CD3 of my first month TTC! (YAY!) but I still feel like I am WTT as I haven't really started TTC. But I def have my opinions on age gaps.

I too want small age gaps. DH and I agree that we want them close together. I want to have a large family (everyone says "wait until your first and you will change your mind" and I hate that statement) I want about 5, maybe more if I am ambitious lol. With my own experience I am the oldest and my brother is 4.5 yr younger and my sister is 14 years younger so always felt a bit cheated in the sibling dept.

I personally would not want my babies to be more than 2-2.5 years apart so that they could have that closeness that I feel that I missed out on. Plus there is the age factor. I am 26 (while not OLD it means that even if I do conceive this month that puts me at 27 for my first and my DH is 32 so if I DO want to have 5+ children I need to both get a move on and have them close together. So the plan that DH and I have is that once we have our first LO I will only use bf as contraception and keep on until I reach either 35-ish or reach 6 kids (which ever comes first!)

ps. everyone in my family thinks that I am crazy too!

 

[Pearls18]

You've probably guessed by now there is no wrong or right answer! Whatever you get you will make it work for your family. There will be 3 years and 3 months between my 2 these are the pros and cons I am projecting:

Pros:

1) DS is pretty independent now, he is potty trained, sleeping through, can play by himself, will even tidy up his toys. We're not teething anymore, and he's old enough to explain things to him if I can't do something this minute *coughs I can bribe him *

2) he gets his 15 free hours of nursery as of January, so we have been able to afford keeping him in nursery 2 days a week while I am on maternity, nice break for me but he loves nursery too, and it means I won't ever be paying for 2 kids to be in childcare full time at once.

3) I'm hoping it's still an age gap close enough for them to be playmates, this can never be guaranteed of course but my brother and I had 3 years between us and it was a good age to grow together, there was enough "common ground" that we shared a lovely childhood.

Cons

1) especially because we are expecting another boy a part of me wishes there was only 2 years between them just so they could be closer as friends, I know there is no guarantee over how a relationship will turn out but I do think perhaps they would have a little more in common.

2) we are very much out of the baby stage right now, DS lets us sleep in till 9 or he'll climb into bed with us in the morning and watch a little tv and let us snooze. He doesn't demand every minute of our attention and I am loving not changing nappies lol, it is going to be a bit of a wake up call being back in the baby zone, I imagine a closer age ago is like ripping a plaster off, more painful but quicker lol (I'm not overly fond on the baby stage 2+ is much more fun!)

On the hole though for me the benefits of a slightly larger gap outweigh a smaller gap, it has enabled me to stay employed, spend time with DS1 and for me personally I just see it being a bit more manageable. But this is what I am hoping works for my family, I don't think there is a wrong age gap although I wouldn't want larger than 5 years but that's just me.

 

[HelenJane]

No LOs as of yet and I am not techniquely WTT anymore, now on CD3 of my first month TTC! (YAY!) but I still feel like I am WTT as I haven't really started TTC. But I def have my opinions on age gaps.

I too want small age gaps. DH and I agree that we want them close together. I want to have a large family (everyone says "wait until your first and you will change your mind" and I hate that statement) I want about 5, maybe more if I am ambitious lol. With my own experience I am the oldest and my brother is 4.5 yr younger and my sister is 14 years younger so always felt a bit cheated in the sibling dept.

I personally would not want my babies to be more than 2-2.5 years apart so that they could have that closeness that I feel that I missed out on. Plus there is the age factor. I am 26 (while not OLD it means that even if I do conceive this month that puts me at 27 for my first and my DH is 32 so if I DO want to have 5+ children I need to both get a move on and have them close together. So the plan that DH and I have is that once we have our first LO I will only use bf as contraception and keep on until I reach either 35-ish or reach 6 kids (which ever comes first!)

ps. everyone in my family thinks that I am crazy too!

Exactly this too. There was a 5 year gao between me and my sis and we never got along. My other siblings there is like a 10 year gap which is just not for me as we dont have anything in common but we do get a long.
I got pregnant when I was 28 and definitely want 4 kids and be done by the time Im 35 so it meant having small age gaps about 1.5 years between. So exciting and love the thought of small gaps so they can grow up together...
Well things haven't turned out as planned. OH was diagnosed with a prolatinoma (non cancerous brain tumour) for which he had to take medication for. This has very much effected his libido and sex drive but he is getting better and we hope new year at least, he'll be back to his old self (as all his levels are now normal too).
Meaning next year we hopefully will have baby number 2 however the gap if we are lucky will be under 3 years which at first since I had my heart set on smaller was abit like hmmmm not sure, but now I do think a 2 - 3 year gap is pretty good and so many more benefits AND its still small enough so they can grow up together I think.

We shall see when baby number 2 is here but there is always chance for a smaller gap with number 3 if we feel we can cope when the time comes lol. And I have come to terms that I will be older than 35 when I finish having kids and Im ok with that.

I was just thinking the other day infact, IF I had our last baby at 37. Then they would be 20 when I'm 57 which is still young imo! And hopefully at 20 they'd be doing their own thing so we can enjoy impending retirement with no kids still living at home ha ha so yes looking forward to slightly larger gap than planned for no2

 

[wantababybad2]

My husband and I are also thinking about our options for age gaps. Our first one was born only 4 months ago and everyone is already ready for another one including my husband. We have always said since we got married that we wanted our kids close in age, under 2 years. I think we had decided to start ttc again in February or March since my husband is a farmer and November through about February is down time for them. He will be able to care for our daughter Natalie while I care for the newborn baby. And of course I would make special mommy daughter times with Natalie. so our children will be 16 to 18 months apart if conceiving is as easy the second time around as it was the first. I think readin the previous posters' thoughts on age gaps really helped me decide that the decision we made is a good one for us. Glad I found this thread!

Also, my brother and I are almost 4 years apart. I'm 20 and he's almost 16 and we don't really get along that much. I think it's mainly just personality issues though. I mature at such a young age. I was marrie at 17. And he is nowhere near the maturity level that I was at his age. My husband and his first brother r only about 20 months apart and they always got along and had someone to play with all of the time. His youngest brother is 6 years younger than him and he always tells his parents he wished they wouldn't have waited so long. While his brothers were out with friends and such he had to sit at home because if his age and be bored. so large age gaps are definitely not for us.

 

[katherinegrey]

I'm still torn, I can still see arguments for both sides, I just think it's a case of deciding what's right for our family, and because I'm still torn, we're waiting for perhaps just a little while longer.

 

[AliBiz]

My LO is 14 months and I would like to start ttc in the NY so there would be at least 2 years, I think if I had have been younger I may have waited a little while longer but at almost 39 I'm highly conscious of the ticking clock. That said there was 2 years between each of my Mams kids and we all grew up together which was great.

 

[Inoue]

It really comes down to how you both feel and your life situations. I'm not ready to give up my career so I do part time while my mum has DD. Strategically, ill wait till she's over 2 years old till we start trying again so she will be in nursery by the time #2 comes along. Will be easier as I can then have one-on-one time with each of them, but also carry on working when mat leave finishes. So I guess, there will be approx 3yrs between them (hopefully). Im 3.5 years younger than my brother and we are very close, always have been .

Good luck in whatever you decide.

xx

 

[Bandy]

Been interesting to see these responses! We're also starting to think about trying again. My little girl is one on December 4th (same as your boy Katherinegrey!) and I'm thinking of NTNP from around Christmas time.

Mind you I get excited and a bit scared at the thought of two under two in equal measures!

 

[JT2013]

I'm still WTT for #1 but I think we'd like to have a 2 year age gap between our kids...that said I think it has to be decided once we've had number 1!

 

[Yo_Yo]

I think 3 years is a great gap. Small enough for them to play together, big enough for eldest to be in nursery a few hours so you can have one on one time with the youngest.