small rant

[mayb_baby]

OH/FOB wateva I no longer care he’s doing my head in, we are ‘together’ however I was annoyed today as he’s adapted such a backseat role in my pregnancy. I mean my mum has bought sooo much for our son and our home and he thinks he deserves soo much praise for forking out money for a toaster, kettle, microwave and his son’s mosses basket.

I have no money for 3 weeks as I can’t claim benefits until then and he earns £300 a week, he’s annoyed his bank balance has fallen under £2000 now and he wants to build it up before he buys anymore and he knows we need a deposit down £400 on our home in the next 2weeks and I have nothing!

To add to this he has been adding girls he used to flirt with on FB and has nothing up about me or his son not even a comment on his sons scan pics, I asked was he ashamed of us and he laughed telling me not to be silly. He changed his FB password so I can’t go on his anymore, if I lift his mobile he gets all defensive ‘grabs’ it back and says I have to trust him. He goes out not often but he does with ‘the boys’ who are all single and he lies about the people who get the busses he gets to nightclubs, now a night club text him saying he’s entered in a draw and he swares blind ‘I never gave my num out.’

I'm beyond fed up and I want to end this I ‘know’ it’s going up in smoke and he just comments with ‘stop stressing you and the baby out.’ All my fault Im stressed

I love him and its upsetting

Thanks for reading and all opinions welcome xxxx

 

[jenmc226]

Is there a reason you aren't working? You mention that your mom has made purchases and that your OH has bought some (non-baby) items, but what have you contributed? The fact that he wants to keep a minimum balance in his bank account is fabulous! If he's spending frivolously and doesn't have enough money left to help out that's a totally different issue. But if he's giving what he can what more can he do?

As for facebook.... who the hell cares? Maybe he added girls he flirted with so he could show off the fact that he's moved on and is going to be a daddy? And his facebook account is his - you shouldn't be accessing it anyways. Likewise with his phone. You are invading his privacy.

Nonetheless, obviously some of his activities are making you suspicious. Talk to him about it. Come to a compromise. You cannot control his life but he also needs to respect you and your feelings.

 

[mayb_baby]

Is there a reason you aren't working? You mention that your mom has made purchases and that your OH has bought some (non-baby) items, but what have you contributed? The fact that he wants to keep a minimum balance in his bank account is fabulous! If he's spending frivolously and doesn't have enough money left to help out that's a totally different issue. But if he's giving what he can what more can he do?

As for facebook.... who the hell cares? Maybe he added girls he flirted with so he could show off the fact that he's moved on and is going to be a daddy? And his facebook account is his - you shouldn't be accessing it anyways. Likewise with his phone. You are invading his privacy.

Nonetheless, obviously some of his activities are making you suspicious. Talk to him about it. Come to a compromise. You cannot control his life but he also needs to respect you and your feelings.

I have just left school and have no m money and being pregnant cannot get hired anywhere as I have tried. We have no home for our baby and my benefits will cover rent and keep of a house, he doesn't want to pay for anything and anything he buys is begrudged and I beg and plead. . I don't want him to spend frivolously I want the basics eg. Deposit or bed or something all my money that will come in 3 weeks is planned to a tee, getting this and that yet he has money atm that he doesn't want to touch even though he knows what we need.


The girls on FB don’t know he’s going to be a dad as he has nothing up and doesn’t say nothing about me or his son.

I allow him on my FB as I have nothing to hide and he could take my fone when he wants.

But yeah I am suspicious and nervous as he’s making me this way and writing this Im now really debating why I’m with him

 

[Srrme]

To add to this he has been adding girls he used to flirt with on FB and has nothing up about me or his son not even a comment on his sons scan pics, I asked was he ashamed of us and he laughed telling me not to be silly. He changed his FB password so I can’t go on his anymore, if I lift his mobile he gets all defensive ‘grabs’ it back and says I have to trust him. He goes out not often but he does with ‘the boys’ who are all single and he lies about the people who get the busses he gets to nightclubs, now a night club text him saying he’s entered in a draw and he swares blind ‘I never gave my num out.

The last guy I was with who started adding girls he used to flirt with, changed his FB password, and snatched his phone away any chance he could get was MESSING AROUND. If I were in your shoes, I wouldn't feel too comfortable either.

Good luck though, hun.

 

[milamummy]

He needs to take a bit more responsibility and step up. Bank accounts being maintained can wait til deposit gets paid and essentials get bought..I dont know how to advise you with your suspicions but the whole FB thing is not cool..I would be suspicious too if my husband started doing things out of the norm.The thing with the mobile phone would def be getting my radar up as why get nervous if u got nothing to hide?

 

[debbie7155]

can you maybe have a word with a family member of his?, let them know how much things are getting to you, i dont believe in people keeping secrets (only nice ones) as that means there is no respect, everyone deserves to have some privacy i agree, but to blankly shut out the person you are supose to love & have children with is cruel in my books, if theyre hiding things like FB, mobile phones, what else is the person hiding?, i hope he comes to his senses & both work together with money issues, i guess im lucky as ive never been in a relationship where as his money is his & mine is mine, its always been in a pot & rent/bills/food etc gets paid from it first & what is left over is a bonus to be spent on the couple/family to enjoy themselves, have a bit of a life, thats what keeps a relationship going i believe x

 

[MikaylasMummy]

Is there a reason you aren't working? You mention that your mom has made purchases and that your OH has bought some (non-baby) items, but what have you contributed? The fact that he wants to keep a minimum balance in his bank account is fabulous! If he's spending frivolously and doesn't have enough money left to help out that's a totally different issue. But if he's giving what he can what more can he do?

As for facebook.... who the hell cares? Maybe he added girls he flirted with so he could show off the fact that he's moved on and is going to be a daddy? And his facebook account is his - you shouldn't be accessing it anyways. Likewise with his phone. You are invading his privacy.

Nonetheless, obviously some of his activities are making you suspicious. Talk to him about it. Come to a compromise. You cannot control his life but he also needs to respect you and your feelings.

she said that he has nothing up about her or their son on his facebook..so he obviously isnt adding the girls for that reason!

 

[mayb_baby]

can you maybe have a word with a family member of his?, let them know how much things are getting to you, i dont believe in people keeping secrets (only nice ones) as that means there is no respect, everyone deserves to have some privacy i agree, but to blankly shut out the person you are supose to love & have children with is cruel in my books, if theyre hiding things like FB, mobile phones, what else is the person hiding?, i hope he comes to his senses & both work together with money issues, i guess im lucky as ive never been in a relationship where as his money is his & mine is mine, its always been in a pot & rent/bills/food etc gets paid from it first & what is left over is a bonus to be spent on the couple/family to enjoy themselves, have a bit of a life, thats what keeps a relationship going i believe x

That’s what I want but in his eyes that’s too much to expect xxx

 

[Ashtons mummy]

men!!!! im in a simlar situation due to my oh being quite selfish... he tells me he has no money yet him bank balance is well over £3000 and thats just one of his accounts... i dont work as i look after our son full time but im also at full time night college aswell.... i asked him if i could have a new pushchair as the one we had for our son is all tatty the price of it was £450 and his reply... "No you dont need one"... so i accepted his answer only for him to tell me a week later he has just been a brought a £800 push bike and can i stay in cuz it will be delivered later that day!!!!!!!!!!! i was so made we had this with our 1st child i brought everything and so did my family.. seem to me it will be me buying everything again.
last night he came home from work trying to cause a row so he can sod off out and come back at godnows what time then he descieds to tell me he isnt happy and is going to pack his stuff and move out! this has been just came out of the blue after one arugment last night so today im left not knowing wher i stand

chin up sweet x x x

 

[mayb_baby]

men!!!! im in a simlar situation due to my oh being quite selfish... he tells me he has no money yet him bank balance is well over £3000 and thats just one of his accounts... i dont work as i look after our son full time but im also at full time night college aswell.... i asked him if i could have a new pushchair as the one we had for our son is all tatty the price of it was £450 and his reply... "No you dont need one"... so i accepted his answer only for him to tell me a week later he has just been a brought a £800 push bike and can i stay in cuz it will be delivered later that day!!!!!!!!!!! i was so made we had this with our 1st child i brought everything and so did my family.. seem to me it will be me buying everything again.
last night he came home from work trying to cause a row so he can sod off out and come back at godnows what time then he descieds to tell me he isnt happy and is going to pack his stuff and move out! this has been just came out of the blue after one arugment last night so today im left not knowing wher i stand

chin up sweet x x x

Awww hun

sorri to hear your OH is acting a tool awell,
I wanna punch mine atm but I'm waiting now until this weekend to see what he thinks is going to happen, to see if he offers a deposit or to get his sons car seat or something if not then I'm done with this shit.

Him and his parents will be cut from my life and he can see his son through the proper channels like any other half hearted dads out there. xxxx

 

[MamaDo]

see if he offers a deposit or to get his sons car seat or something if not then I'm done with this shit.

Irrespective of whether or not be does the above, if I were you Id get the FB crap sorted. Tell him your confused as to why he hasn't updated his profile and that if he doesn't do it tout suite your going to leave him as you dont feel he's got his head around what being a partner/ father is all about!

Him and his parents will be cut from my life and he can see his son through the proper channels like any other half hearted dads out there. xxxx

As for the above this is the first (I think) you've mentioned his parents....I'd be careful about cutting them out if it is in spite... i.e. your angry at him therefore them kinda thing...because
A) it ain't fair on them and
B) Its nice for LO's to know both sides of their family (If and only if they aren't a bunch of tosspots)

Maybe you have other reasons though for considering dropping them also...I duno!

 

[mayb_baby]

see if he offers a deposit or to get his sons car seat or something if not then I'm done with this shit.

Irrespective of whether or not be does the above, if I were you Id get the FB crap sorted. Tell him your confused as to why he hasn't updated his profile and that if he doesn't do it tout suite your going to leave him as you dont feel he's got his head around what being a partner/ father is all about!

Him and his parents will be cut from my life and he can see his son through the proper channels like any other half hearted dads out there. xxxx

As for the above this is the first (I think) you've mentioned his parents....I'd be careful about cutting them out if it is in spite... i.e. your angry at him therefore them kinda thing...because
A) it ain't fair on them and
B) Its nice for LO's to know both sides of their family (If and only if they aren't a bunch of tosspots)

Maybe you have other reasons though for considering dropping them also...I duno!

I need to get the FB crap sorted but he’s always like ‘your stressing over nothing’ but doesn’t do anything about the problem, just likes to remind me if anything happens our son it will be my fault for stressing the baby out!

As for his parents I haven’t yet mentioned them but they have promised there grandchild the earth moon and the stars and they know we are moving out and are struggling financially.
They haven’t as much as lifted a baby grow and talk about getting this that and the other but never follow through. His mum wants to be a massive part in this baby’s life but she wants to take over i.e. no steriliser (not hygienic, causes collic), no high chair (there not safe). . . etc
She wants to be the carer for him when I attend uni but doesn’t feel she needs to abide by my rules and he’s not even born yet.
His dad wants to buy a cot for their home and stuff for our son for his home only . . . they promised a pram but now passed it on to FOBs grandparents. Also his dad doesn’t want me to move out as he wants his son to remain at home, he also doesn’t want me to put FOB on the BC so he can’t be charged CSA. I live in a small council house with my mum, sis, bro and our disabled cousin who has MD and is really ill. I'm moving out regardless of what they think and regardless if OH comes with or not now.

They can see their grandchild on my terms if this keeps up this is my baby and I'm sick of being told what to do by those who are doing nothing.

Sorry for that rant lol
xxx

 

[MamaDo]

Lol sometimes its good to rant!

Look just do what you can at the minute to calm yourself down.......... I can only say what I would do if I was in same situation and that would be to lay it all out there for him i.e. this is how I feel and this is what you need to do to help me

as for his parents etc all sounds quite complicated .... but at the end of the day its your baby so whatever you decide will be what happens.......

 

[mayb_baby]

thanks xx

 

[Twinminator]

Tell him if he's genuinely got nothing to hide, to let you see what he's been doing on FB and texts, as his behaviour is WAAAY suspicious If he's got any respect for you whatsoever, he'll want to put your mind at ease. If he hasn't, he has absolutely no place in your life.

THAT SAID HOWEVER, he and his family do have a place in your child's life, as difficult as that may be to come to terms with. It might be difficult for you to handle, but this is your first sacrifice as a mother, bringing the child's best interests before your own. He may not do a great job over the next few decades of being a hands-on daddy, but he's the only one your child will have and it's important to let them try to build a relationship, no matter how imperfect it might turn out.

But for now, babba isn't yet here and the first step is to get to the bottom of "you & him". If he's not going to support you emotionally, financially or otherwise, I think you know what to do. Cross the parenting bridge when you get to it. Good luck

 

[mayb_baby]

Well today I hacked into his FB (I know I shouldn’t have )
And he has nothing on it that’s bad he’s not writing to anyone he just doesn’t want me to have his password I now think he’s doing it to wind me up

He wants to get the deposit on the house sorted now and is saying we need to get the car seat, I'm so confused it’s unbelievable. . . what did he wake up a different person?

However this is talk I will let you know when it’s done.

xxx

 

[FlatShoes]

Yeay!!!! I hacked my OH's sisters facebook just so I could look what was on his ex's profile.

I'm a bad, bad girl

 

[mayb_baby]

lol I wish I didn't though as now I feel silly :S xxx

 

[Srrme]

Well today I hacked into his FB (I know I shouldn’t have )
And he has nothing on it that’s bad he’s not writing to anyone he just doesn’t want me to have his password I now think he’s doing it to wind me up

He wants to get the deposit on the house sorted now and is saying we need to get the car seat, I'm so confused it’s unbelievable. . . what did he wake up a different person?

However this is talk I will let you know when it’s done.

xxx

Why would he do that to wind you up? That's not very nice. I'd hate to get your riled up again, but if he is messaging girls, he might be deleting the messages, etc. But if not, then I'm glad for your sake he's not doing anything wrong on FB.

 

[mayb_baby]

No I checked his hotmail he doesn’t have the password only me as he can't really work his laptop and is generally not any good with computers, so in that department all is clear as FB email all copies of emails/updates....etc to hotmail and no he’s just adding them xxx