Smoking in the car with children

[Lesli45]

Ok, so by no means am I judging those who smoke or do I want to start a debate here on smoking. I am just curious as to how you would handle this.

Today my 4 year old kind of let it slip that her dad (we are not together) smokes sometimes when she is in the car with him. When I questioned her further she said it was ok because the window is down. This REALLY p*sses me off. One of the agreements we made when we first split years ago was that he not smoke in the car or near her in an enclosed space. I'm livid I know she felt bad after she realized he wasn't supposed to be doing it because then she kept saying "it's ok because the windows are open".

Many on here are from different parts of the world, but here in Ontario, Canada it is against the law and a $250 fine if a person smokes in the car with a child. How would you handle this? I'm obviously going to ask him about it although I don't think he will admit it. I'm so against this and it makes my blood boil. I'm wondering how else I can ensure that he doesn't do it again. I don't trust him not to do it since although he's a nice person he's incredibly immature and self centered. Suggestions?

 

[kimber89]

well its also your daughter so you have a right to be annoyed! he cant try deny it really because your daughter isnt going to just make that up! its not illegal over here and ive seen many people do it when there child gets older when they didnt do it when they wer babies but i woudlnt feel comfortable doing t but people have different opinions on it! hes stupid doing it for two reasons. because its around your child and he could get a fine and its illegal!! i would be going mad!

 

[Mother of 4]

This is one thing I feel strongly about. If you want to smoke and ruin your health then so be it but don't ruin your childs health along with yours. I'd be flaming pissed at him. But I'm not sure what you can do if he won't stop You have every right to be pissed at him! It's just complete ignorance for anyone to smoke around a child.

 

[oaklvr]

My ex does this too. He knows our daughter has a problem with cigarette smoke giving her a cough and congestion (and it's unhealthy for anyone) and he continues to smoke in the house and car with her. I saw him step out of his truck with a cigarette when he brought her home one day so I yelled out my window at him that I saw his cigarette. Unfortunately I don't think they'll change. If they're already doing this, it just shows how selfish they are. Maybe send him some information via email or mail about secondhand smoke and fines lol.

 

[Alimum]

it just been made illegal in Australia but I still see it. i think it is awful. and I get REALLY annoyed when they hang it outside the car while they drive so I get my nice clean air polluted with their smoke, then there's at the entrance of airports, supermarkets and worst of all, hospitals. I spent 2 months in hospital for my last pregnancy and spent my 10 allocated minutes up right every day telling people outside that they are smoking in front of a no smoking sign as I tried to get some fresh air and sun! oh, so this was about you not me! ha, it gets me worked up. i def think it is wrong of your ex and should be adressed! good luck

 

[ErinRae]

I wish they had that law around here, I see people smoking with Kids in the car WITHOUT the windows open!!! And smoking in the house, I'M sorry, my parents did it but its different these days...we know what happens to lungs and health!!!

 

[Ruthalaska]

Ugh, that's awful. My mom was an indoor smoker and I remember lots of time cooped up in the house and the car just filled with smoke. I hated the smell and the smoke. And no surprise, I had bronchitis all the time. I stopped getting it when she quit.

I don't know how you can get through to your ex, but please try -- that's no good for a child.

 

[Princess pea]

it just been made illegal in Australia but I still see it. i think it is awful. and I get REALLY annoyed when they hang it outside the car while they drive so I get my nice clean air polluted with their smoke, then there's at the entrance of airports, supermarkets and worst of all, hospitals. I spent 2 months in hospital for my last pregnancy and spent my 10 allocated minutes up right every day telling people outside that they are smoking in front of a no smoking sign as I tried to get some fresh air and sun! oh, so this was about you not me! ha, it gets me worked up. i def think it is wrong of your ex and should be adressed! good luck

I feel very strongly about this too. I was brought up in a house where my mum and
And dad smoked in the house, and when I complained was told well this is my house. It also makes my blood boil when you have to walk through entrances to shopping centres etc that have no smoking signs, but yet they carry on. The biggest one one is at my hospital too, which says no smoking at all on the grounds, but yet everyone including nurses and doctors do it! In my opinion smokers are incredibly selfish people!!

 

[Emz_number3]

ooo i have this problem, i cant get it through to my OH about smoking...i mean he will open windows and think thats ok...but its not enough for me. some times he will be smoking away in the living room and i have to remind him ermmm open the window...he says why the kids are upstaires?? im like ermmm smoke travels through the house. i mean it does my head in that he smokes in the house, but he wont go outside no matter how many times iv asked him or even told him. best i can have is window open. some people can be selfish when it comes to smoking.

 

[londonangel]

Definitely speak to him about it. I remember being livid with my boss as he insisted that we go to this meeting together in his car and he and my other colleague smoked all the way there. The window was open, so all that happened was that ash from his cigarette actually blew into the back of the car onto me and so not only did I have to breathe in the nasty, carcinogenic cigarette smoke, but it made me stink of smoke. No way would I want someone smoking in a car with my child! Yuk!

 

[lilwelsh1]

They are trying to make it against the law here in the UK too. But the campaign isn't doing as well as i thought it would.

I feel strongly about it too, i would be so annoyed if i found out someone had smoked in the car with my kids. I am an ex-smoker and i've never smoked around children in an enclosed space even if the parents r doing it themselves! I dont want it for mine so y wud i do it to someone elses?

I think u need to discuss this with your ex, as PP have said your LO is your child too and u have every right to try n protect her from whatever u feel isnt good for her. Tell your daughter that its ok for her to tell u what her dad does and that she wont be in trouble for it. Some kids feel they may have 'betrayed' the other parent when they 'tell on them' with plenty of reassurance im sure she'd tellu if it happened again.

 

[Mummytobe85]

This is one of pet peeves tbh, i think his old enough to know better! and whether the window is down or not, your daughter is still breathing in second hand smoke!

I would defo confront him and tell him to stop it for the sake of his child! i've made it clear that no one is to smoke round LO if they pop round let alone hold her once they've had a smoke

 

[MummyinJune]

Im use to it as my dad smokes and he smoked in the car all the time when i was a kid so its kinda normal for me - however i do remember when i was a kid i hated him smoking in the car as it made me feel sick, Totally understand why people hate this because of health and all that but like i say im so use 2 it i wouldnt notice I think u should still mention it to him though as this is your daughter too and if you discussed it before and he had no prob with not smoking in the car then then he shouldnt have done it.
Yea i think someone told me its illegal to smoke when driving if theres someone else in the car as its public - but dont no if its true or not xx

 

[Rachel_C]

I would be telling him that if he can't drive without smoking, he won't be taking her in the car at all. I suppose that may sound harsh but the law is on your side so he can't exactly argue about it. I would also tell him that if he so much as tries to tell your daughter that it should be their little secret you will have his balls on a plate, then I'd tell your daughter that it's ok to tell adults when things like that happen.

 

[tweedy]

might be time to get dramatic about it, you can get one of those breath monitors that they use to assess the lung capacity of asthma sufferers. make it into a game and test your daughter for a baseline reading a few times througout the day, then again when she gets home from her dads, and assess the readings.

my friend had really bad asthma and her mum would always know if her dad had taken her somewhere smoky (mostly the bookies) as the readings would be lower for a few hours after her days with him, she told him she was testing and she suddenly never dropped after his visits, she also started to enjoy going more as it was to the park or play centre, rather than bookies/pubs.

this was 20 years ago so i am sure they have more sofisicated equipment nowadays.

 

[BlackBerry25]

I would just talk to him about it. I don't know what else you can do, but how horrible! Gah!

 

[tiggerpony]

GAAH this I feel strongly about too. Sit him down calmly and tell him if he does it again you will report him. It's not fair on your daughters health. My friend smoked through out her entire pregnancy and her 5 week old baby has had chest infection after chest infection and has now being diagnosed with asthma...so unfair in my opinion her baby now suffers cos of her mistakes.

 

[Lesli45]

I would be telling him that if he can't drive without smoking, he won't be taking her in the car at all. I suppose that may sound harsh but the law is on your side so he can't exactly argue about it. I would also tell him that if he so much as tries to tell your daughter that it should be their little secret you will have his balls on a plate, then I'd tell your daughter that it's ok to tell adults when things like that happen.

Wow, thanks for all your replies everyone. And I like your approach Rachel_C No doubt that I'm going to address this with him...I just wasn't certain how far I was going to take it. My parents smoked in the car with me when I was a kid but that was 30 yrs ago...there are no excuses now as the studies show this is extremely harmful. My boyfriend's parents did too and as a result he has really bad asthma/resp issues. I'm definitely going to look into the monitor, thanks tweedy.

I was going to approach him first and see how he responded. I like the idea that I might be able to track this with something like a monitor. I don't want my daughter to get caught in the centre of this. As it is, I could tell at 4 yrs old she was worried she got her dad in trouble. I tried to make it clear that it's ok if she tells me about this stuff...hoping I got through. I've even thought that if he continues to do this that I'll go after backpay (he has always paid a fraction of what he would have to pay if we went through the courts and he makes incredible money). Then I'd take that money and put it into an account that could be used for her for future health issues. Dramatic, yes, but this has my blood boiling like you have no idea!!

Thank you for the ideas/support!

 

[mummysarah]

i've picked up a new born baby who's parents smoked in the house and instead of that lovely newborn smell, the baby stank of cigarette smoke! I could have cried, the poor baby. I get into a rage whan i see people with kids in the car, smoking! Why? Can't they wait until they are out of the car and whats wrong with nipping outside when they're at home? Im an ex smoker but would never have dreamed of poisoning my children with the 4200 chemicals that are in fags!

 

[mummaofthree]

urgh i hate it too... i would probably say something along the lines of..... you do realise our 4 year old daughter is very vocal nowadays, and nothing gets past her. so probably best not to smoke in the car with her, seeing as shes willing to tell me, she might happen to tell someone who will be a little more eager to fine you for it! lol