Smoking!?

[lilliesmummie]

Okay so i'm not sure if i'm going to be ranting or be a little sad ..

I found out i was pregnant in November, and i immediately cut down on the cigarettes, (i've smoked for atleast five years) .. i completely gave up in January. I personally think that a month and a half of smoking is still a long time when you know you're pregnant! .. but i was extrememly proud of myself. I havent had a cigarette or wanted one since i stopped in January.

My OH on the otherhand ..
first it was 'we were quitting together'.
then it was 'he'll quit soon'
then it was 'he's quit' - (but i searched his car and found a packet!!) so i was obviously furious that i had told him well done everyday and he was accepting my compliments, when he hadn't actually stopped!!

and now we're back to 'he'll quit soon'.
i've now stopped kissing him with tongues AT ALL , even in bed...
as the thought of his tongue full of dirty FAG muck makes me want to be sick.
i can't stand his breathe and his hands and his clothes anymore! .. it's pushing us apart as i refuse to kiss him properly, if he tries to kiss me, i turn my head. i feel like it's my fault because i wont kiss him, but i've quit so why should i have to kiss an ashtray!!!?

OKAY, i ranted! lol ..
anyone else quit but their OH just keeps dragging it out?
.. advice on how to solve this ? getting pretty fed up now!
xx

 

[scuffer]

Firstly, well done for giving up.

You can't force him to stop, but you can stop him from smoking around you or the baby. You could also talk to him about whether it's worth him talking to the nurse at your gp surgery about stopping as it will benefit his health so he'll actually be around to raise his child.

 

[kandbumpx]

Aww hun, my heart goes out for you! Well done for stopping smoking firstly!! You've done great to!! Don't let anyone tell you different.
As for OH, I can't believe it tbh... Why don't you talk to him and suggest he quits asap, for the sake and health of your baby... Does he want his baby growing up breathing in second hand smoke? Just remind him that passive smoking is worse than smoking yourself, so he is harming his child aswell as you when he smokes!
I know you can't force him to, but surely for the sake and health of his baby he will? Mention the money you'll save too! It can go on spending it on your baby... Or the money he would spend on cigs.. Put it to one side and see how much you save and treat you both to something!

Sorry I know its not great advice like, but its a few things to mention

Good luck xx

 

[lilyanne]

Congrats on quitting! That must have been difficult to do. In the end he has to really want to do it. If my spouse were a smoker I would say I want him to quit because I want him to be around to walk his little girl down the aisle and grow old with me. I would leave it at that.

 

[iamgracie]

First of all, good job at quitting! I also stopped smoking in December and my OH stopped in January. What I did was, I didn't stop him from smoking. I only told him NOT to smoke infront of me or near me. So he was ok with that for a few days, even weeks. Then came the part of NOT getting near me if he stunk of smoke. So, he had to brush his teeth, wash his face (if not, take a shower) before he gets his daily dose of cuddles. And there comes the money issue. We talked about saving up for LO's arrival, so I always make it a point to bring up the topic if there's an increase on the prices. I think he got the point. So he started cutting down on his 20 sticks/day routine to 10. Then 5/day until he himself decided to use patches. It wasn't easy, tbh. Because he always complained everytime he came home from work saying he wanted a fag. But instead of condoning him, I kept up the compliments. Saying he smelled better, looked better everyday. I think it boosts up his morale when I say stuff like that. He was on patches for 3 weeks, and I was there behind him all the way. Checking if he needs topping up for the next week.

To make the story short, he did stop smoking. He's still tempted to have a fag at times, but I make it a point that his attention is diverted, i.e. feed him. LOL I know it's hard work but patience really helps!

Good luck hun! x

 

[Braven05]

Congrats on quitting...I quit cold turkey the day I got my BFP. That being said, my OH is still smoking and I haven't given him any grief about it. Maybe it would be different if he had the attitude and intention to quit and then didn't...but I don't think you can get upset with him really. I went into our relationship knowing he smoked...as I smoked as well. Expecting him to change because I have to change would be unreasonable on my part. I expect him to hold up his end i.e., no smoking in the car and no smoking in the house - which he has done...and thats about it. I don't think I can change the rules now and be upset with him if he doesn't want to change the rules...iykwim? I'm sure it would be lovely if you both stopped and maybe someday he will want to as well...but try to hold off on pressuring him or getting too upset with him if you can. Of course you can continue with the rules about no kissing you or cuddling if he smells, because thats reasonable and he'll have to get used to that when baby comes anyways xx

 

[lilliesmummie]

i understand what you's mean when you say it's not fair to force him and get upset with him as we were both smokers.. i think i'm a little more disappointed then anything else, knowing that he hasn't got the willpower to quit..
i've read that you shouldn't go near a baby until TWO HOURS after having a cigarette, and i've mentioned this to him several times..i said, if you have 5 fags a day, that's 10 hours you've missed around your daughter? .. which makes him sad, but not sad enough to stop!! .. He doesn't smoke in the house, or around me, or in the car..
but he comes running back to me as soon as he's had a fag, sprays deodrant on himself and expects loves.. deodrant definately does NOT mask the smell.

I think i'll try supporting him, and adding little facts of what we'll be saving/achieving if he quits. And i'll add the "walking your daughter down the isle" too!
.. i think asking him to wash his face/body/teeth - after everyfag will definately make him fed up.. and he'll realise just how much time he's wasted because of one fag!!

Thanks ladies!! .. Big help!
I'll keep you's updated, especially if he decides that i'm right after all, which i always am lol!
xxx

 

[welshwarriors]

Well done giving up hun.

Ive been through this scenario at least 5 times since I had our son...he quits for a few days (2 weeks top) and then I find out somehow hes back on the fags. I hate being lied to.
I hate kissing him cause I feel like kissing an ashtray.

I smoked myself for many yrs and gave up from one moment to the other cause the prices over here for fags were ridicolous.

I've got no advice...just a big hug

 

[Braven05]

i understand what you's mean when you say it's not fair to force him and get upset with him as we were both smokers.. i think i'm a little more disappointed then anything else, knowing that he hasn't got the willpower to quit..
i've read that you shouldn't go near a baby until TWO HOURS after having a cigarette, and i've mentioned this to him several times..i said, if you have 5 fags a day, that's 10 hours you've missed around your daughter? .. which makes him sad, but not sad enough to stop!! .. He doesn't smoke in the house, or around me, or in the car..
but he comes running back to me as soon as he's had a fag, sprays deodrant on himself and expects loves.. deodrant definately does NOT mask the smell.

I think i'll try supporting him, and adding little facts of what we'll be saving/achieving if he quits. And i'll add the "walking your daughter down the isle" too!
.. i think asking him to wash his face/body/teeth - after everyfag will definately make him fed up.. and he'll realise just how much time he's wasted because of one fag!!

Thanks ladies!! .. Big help!
I'll keep you's updated, especially if he decides that i'm right after all, which i always am lol!
xxx

Good luck with it...I know it is dissapointing but you've gotta understand that it might not have been as easy for you to quit if you didn't have a little life growing inside you and depending on you. He hasn't got that...and while you've reminded him of things he'll miss out on...its not tangible to him yet because the baby hasn't arrived and he's not bonding with her right now. Maybe it'll help once he sees her. Addictions suck...I quit for almost 4 years and got stressed and within a week I was back to smoking. When I got my BFP i had NO trouble quitting cold turkey...it was for my baby. I dream about having a cigarette after I'm done BF'ing...but I don't want to get addicted again. Can't say I don't think about it though!

 

[lilliesmummie]

i understand what you's mean when you say it's not fair to force him and get upset with him as we were both smokers.. i think i'm a little more disappointed then anything else, knowing that he hasn't got the willpower to quit..
i've read that you shouldn't go near a baby until TWO HOURS after having a cigarette, and i've mentioned this to him several times..i said, if you have 5 fags a day, that's 10 hours you've missed around your daughter? .. which makes him sad, but not sad enough to stop!! .. He doesn't smoke in the house, or around me, or in the car..
but he comes running back to me as soon as he's had a fag, sprays deodrant on himself and expects loves.. deodrant definately does NOT mask the smell.

I think i'll try supporting him, and adding little facts of what we'll be saving/achieving if he quits. And i'll add the "walking your daughter down the isle" too!
.. i think asking him to wash his face/body/teeth - after everyfag will definately make him fed up.. and he'll realise just how much time he's wasted because of one fag!!

Thanks ladies!! .. Big help!
I'll keep you's updated, especially if he decides that i'm right after all, which i always am lol!
xxx

Good luck with it...I know it is dissapointing but you've gotta understand that it might not have been as easy for you to quit if you didn't have a little life growing inside you and depending on you. He hasn't got that...and while you've reminded him of things he'll miss out on...its not tangible to him yet because the baby hasn't arrived and he's not bonding with her right now. Maybe it'll help once he sees her. Addictions suck...I quit for almost 4 years and got stressed and within a week I was back to smoking. When I got my BFP i had NO trouble quitting cold turkey...it was for my baby. I dream about having a cigarette after I'm done BF'ing...but I don't want to get addicted again. Can't say I don't think about it though!

Yeah, i agree that it's bound to be a lot easier for me knowing i'm directly passing a cigarette on to my little girl, where as he's not.
IF i'm honest.. he did quit for a year, then met me again and our company, and decided to start smoking again.. i'm pretty sure he quit for his EX though.. so why not me and our little girl? that's what makes me more sad then anything!! But i'll support him

And yes, i've thought about smoking again! but i've quit this long, i don't need to start again x

 

[xolily]

I quit but just because I was ready doesn't mean he's ready