So angry at my mum!

[Jammybiscuit]

I'm 6 weeks pregnant with my second child & was so excited I told my sister at 5 weeks & my parents days later. We also told my partners mum & they were all told not to tell anyone our news as it is so early in the pregnancy.

I have a brother who I don't see that often so I was really excited to tell him on the phone to hear his reaction. I phoned him 3 times this week to tell him & he didn't get back to me (he works very long hours) but still wanted to tell him in my own time.

I happened to bump into my aunt today (mums sister) who I hadn't seen for a while & told her I was pregnant ( I have bad anxiety & couldn't think what to talk about & it just kind of came out!) She was delighted & promised she wouldn't tell anyone ( which I believe she won't)

I then told my mum on the phone a few hours later that I told my auntie. She seemed a bit annoyed that my auntie knew before my brother did. Fast forward to an hour ago & I get a private message from my brothers girlfriend congratulating me. I'm so angry as I specifically told my mum not to tell him!

With my first pregnancy, my parents told everyone & I didn't get to share my news myself with any family members so this time felt really special to me to be able to tell people myself. I feel violated & like I can't trust her. What makes it worse is that my partner warned me she wouldn't keep it quiet (she's not good at keeping secrets) but I decided to trust her this time as she promised me she wouldn't tell anyone.

Was talking to my Dad on the phone & he admitted they told my Brother as my Mum didn't think it was right that my Auntie knew before him! My mums in bed as it's late so I can't talk to her about it until tomorrow but I am absoluteit fuming! Feel like I can't tell her anything now

 

[Talia12]

Hun I completely understand how you're feeling. I wanted to give certain people the news myself too and I know how frustrating and upsetting it is when someone else robs you of that, because once a person has been told, they've been told and you don't then get to give them the news yourself. It was really out of order of your mum telling your brother behind your back! It would've been one thing for her to say "I'm going to tell him because it's not right that he doesn't know yet when auntie does" - but just going and telling him is well out of line! Can understand why you're so angry. Especially because the whole reason you hadn't told him was because you wanted to give him the news in an exciting way yourself.
I had a similar thing in my second pregnancy where my MIL told EVERYONE in the family before I was ready - in a whatsapp group I'm not even part of!!!! It was the crappiest thing and I was furious. I wanted to tell several of those people personally and get to enjoy each of their reactions, and she just wiped out a whole load in one go!
However it's done now and although I think you should tick your mum off over this, and make sure she understands that it's yours and your partners wishes that come first because it's yours and your partners pregnancy, there's also no point in you getting even more mad. The pregnancy announcement might be snookered for your brother, but there are more things to come - you can be the one to send him a picture from your first scan, you can be the one to reveal the gender to him, and you can be the one to announce the birth to him, so don't feel that your mum has done the only exciting bit.

 

[WackyMumof2]

OP, DS3 was very much a surprise I was not ready for so the only people I told in the very beginning was hubby and a very close friend. I was just in tears! I didn't want to be pregnant. I was not ready emotionally, mentally or physically. Straight after I found out I went to a so-called friend to drop some money off to her (not the friend I told) and she assumed because I was 'grumpy' I was pregnant. Yes, I was but I had NOT told her nor did I plan to. I had also been up all night with a toddler I was sitting and was holding it together on just 2 hours of sleep. The so-called friend bailed up MIL who wouldn't give her any answers so she bailed up my best friend. While she didn't deny anything, she didn't admit to anything but that's not her fault. Either way, she said nothing so I don't hold her accountable at all. I ended up having to announce it publicly on Facebook when I was nowhere ready to accept the reality of pregnancy. She had the nerve to contact me 7 months later to ask me why I was angry at her! She still refuses to admit she opened her mouth on matters she knew nothing about. Needless to say, I told the so called friend that my body, sex life, uterus and vagina is none of her damn business and I would have told her when I was ready. I have had nothing to do with since. She doesn't even know about this baby and I plan to keep it that way. All in all, I know how you feel.

 

[Jammybiscuit]

Thanks girls! I don't feel so alone now in this. Talia12 , that's awful about the whatsapp group, can see why you were so annoyed!
Wackymumof2 That's terrible that your friend would do that. It's feels horrible when someone close to you can't mind their own business! She was really out of line
I'm going to phone my mum & talk to her and tell her I won't be telling her anything again xx

 

[Sarahcake]

I'd be so annoyed you have every right to feel the way that you do. It's not down to her who she feels should know before XYZ person it's down to you and your husband. I'd definitely be having words with her and I certainly wouldn't be trusting her with any news like this in future. If you want baby names to be kept secret, do not tell her them because that will be the next one I can see it coming.

I don't understand why some parents feel they have to get involved like this.

 

[Jammybiscuit]

So, I phoned my mum to let her know how upset I was. The first thing she did was tell me off for phoning her house late last night (even though my dad answered & she was in bed!)
She then said my brother had a right to know & that she didn't need this today (my dad is going into hospital for an operation that we've known about for ages)
She then said she didn't need to hear my "yappy wee face" & hung up the phone!
I'm sitting here in tears. She wouldn't even apologise, discuss it & was completely nasty to me. I'm done with her

 

[WeeNat]

I totally understand why your feeling like that. It's not everyday we get to share something exciting and personal. My mother in law does this with everything we tell her.

One thing she did and I've never quite forgiven her for (I know this sounds trivial). We have a daughter and wanted to extend our family. After 3 years we found out we were expecting again. Fast forward to the gender scan... it's a boy. We were very excited as there is no boys on my husband's side (from his siblings). We told his sister and his mother...but we couldn't get I touch with his older sister. We rang and rang but decided to wait until nighttime. We eventually managed to get hold of her around 9pm, turns out his mother had already told her the news. I was furious. Hubby confronted his mum and she just laughed and said she was excited. Urgh... from now on I tend to let his mum know last.

Congratulations by the way xxx

 

[Jammybiscuit]

Thank you WeeNat! 😀 I don't think that's trivial at all. Your MIL shouldn't have told her before you did, I'd be furious too. Just very annoyed at my Mum as she thinks she's in the right & hasn't even apologised xx

 

[Talia12]

Sounds like a lot of us have this issue! If I were you I'd bring it up again with your mum after a few days. You probably will be calmer outwardly and she won't be able to accuse you of being aggressive or yappy (or hormonal, which is what my mum says to me EVERY time I get annoyed while pregnant, as if it's not just possible for something to p*ss me off!) but she has to know how she's made you feel.

 

[WeeNat]

Thank you WeeNat! 😀 I don't think that's trivial at all. Your MIL shouldn't have told her before you did, I'd be furious too. Just very annoyed at my Mum as she thinks she's in the right & hasn't even apologised xx

I hope you do get your apology Jammy as it still bothers me 3 years down the line!! Xx