SO broody, should I try and have a baby?

[gingerbeer.]

I am 19 years old, in a long term and very committed relationship.
me and my boyfriend talk about having a baby lots, we always look forward to the future and think that we could have a baby whenever, it would just be a little harder if we have one now.

I am extremely broody constantly at the moment, and am unsure what to do :/
My boyfriend has said that it is my choice if I want to stop the pill and that he doesn't mind either way.

I got my period today and I have not been more upset.

Help!!

 

[jessthemess]

Oh hun, this is something you'll need to work through yourself Im guessing

There are so many pros and cos and none of us know you personally which makes it even harder to give worthwhile advice.

The one thing I can say is if a friend asked me if she should have a baby I might say that if she needed help deciding that maybe she wasn't ready. However it would depend on the friend's personality, maybe you just need some positive reinforcement and in that case I'd say do what your heart tells you too and understand that this is a massive decision.

I wish you the best of luck darling!

 

[gingerbeer.]

That is amazing advice thank you!!

I am positive that I want a baby with my current boyfriend, I just know he's the one and he wants a baby as much as I do.

I think the worries are telling my family (I don't think they'd take it well AT ALL) and financial, I have money saved and could support a child but it is still a worry!

My heart definitely tells me, I want a baby!

I wish you the best of luck too Thank you so much for the advice!

 

[wwchix]

it doesnt sound like your OH does want a baby as much as you do hun, you say he says its up to you if you stop the pill - whilst it is you taking it, it should be a joint decision, the same way as not using condoms should be a joint decision.

you're only young, and whilst it is possible to be ready to have a baby at 19, i'd reccomend taking another year or so out to make sure that your OH is the one and to have some fun - go have a few weekends away etc.

i've never stopping being broody for the past 5 years - my god it hurts so bad and especially now we are trying and are struggling, but i feel way more ready for a child now than i did at 19, you will mature a hell of a lot in the next few years, and remember, them savings wont last long with a baby.

xx

 

[xxxjessxxx]

I was 19 when I was pregnant with my daughter, and Im now 20 and pregnant with my second. I think if you can financially, emotionally and physically look after a child then go for it! I love being a young mum, I have energy for my daughter and thoroughly enjoy it, although you can do this at any age I personally think it isn't about age.. it's about your situation xx .. good luck

 

[jessthemess]

I was 19 when I was pregnant with my daughter, and Im now 20 and pregnant with my second. I think if you can financially, emotionally and physically look after a child then go for it! I love being a young mum, I have energy for my daughter and thoroughly enjoy it, although you can do this at any age I personally think it isn't about age.. it's about your situation xx .. good luck

This is good advice ^^^^^

 

[emalou90]

If you feel ready then nobody else can tell you otherwise, wether you have money or not.
Life is too short, if you and your OH have talked about it fully and are both happy with the choice.
Then go for it, we are all here for you.

Just remember nobody will ever be angry about a baby xxxx

 

[kassiaethne]

If you feel ready then nobody else can tell you otherwise, wether you have money or not.
Life is too short, if you and your OH have talked about it fully and are both happy with the choice.
Then go for it, we are all here for you.

Just remember nobody will ever be angry about a baby xxxx

That....is the worst advice... I've ever heard....

You should fully think on having a baby before having them. If you have the benefit of planning ahead of time, money is certainly an important factor to think about pre child. You should be able to financially be able to support yourself and your child before knowingly bringing the child into the world. You don't want to be a leech off the world just for the selfishness of 'i want it so I'll have it, fuck everyone else that will have to support us' (not saying this is the op, just very surprised at this reply)

No, everyone here isn't here to raise her baby for her and have to go through the reality check a child brings to ones life. Yes, the support here is very wonderful and certainly is helpful in advice and keeping someones spirit up, but no one can be there physically to help her babysit, raise the child, take over on sleepless nights, and all the things that come with having a child.

And yes, as crazy as it is, people can and will be angry over a baby. Family, as much as you'd like to think they will always be there, sometimes aren't and turn their judgmental backs on you. My own mother wants nothing to do with her first and only grandchild, and I am married, 27, financially my own person, and responsible. Shes just a selfish being and emotionally unstable. Never rely on 'eventually they will get over their anger and love the baby' it may never happen. If it does, wonderful, but be prepared for the happy rainbow after the storm to never show up.

OP, if you are financially stable, feel ready, and your boyfriend is on board....okay I'd probably still wait a few years, I spent the first 4 years of my marriage wanting to get everything of life out of my system before having a child, go traveling to other countries, getting to be with my husband and just having us time before it becomes us +1 time, buying a home, getting to explore and make life choices and mistakes without having to worry about the consequences that would effect anyone but me.

But, that is me, if you don't have those ambitions and wish to start settling down in life earlier and are ready for it, by all means begin ttc, and be happy in your choice because then it is the right choice for you. Either way I wish you good luck and really hope you think on everything before bringing a life into the world, it is a big responsibility to try and decide when you're ready at any age, be it 19 or be it 35.

 

[MissGossip]

Couldnt agree more with the previous post, nothing angers me more than people saying 'if you want a baby, have a baby' regardless of the money situation...too many people think they can be a leech on society.

Im not sure whether my anger towards this has been made so much worse knowing me and my OH are struggling to conceive and seeing all these teen mums having babies with no education/jobs/security

If this is the right time for you both and you have looked at how you can financially and emotionally support a child then who am I to tell you that you shouldnt? People are diffent in the sense they want things at different times in their life, im now nearly 23 and feel ready for a baby because of the situation I am in, but thinking back to when I was 19 a baby would have been the worst thing I could have done!

Regardless of what im saying, if you do choose to have a child I wish you all the luck and I know you will love a baby the same amount as someone older would xxx

 

[Pirate]

At 19 years old, I wold encourage you to live your life a little bit before trying to have a baby. Get a hobby, volunteer someplace, travel, take a few classes at college, work on your relationship with your boyfriend and family, work on yourself. I work with older teenagers/young adults and can honestly say that very few are emotionally prepared to have a baby. I think your statement about being worried to tell your family is very telling.

At minimum I would say that I'd you and your boyfriend don't have your own house/apartment you aren't ready to have a baby.

 

[emalou90]

Wow ladies! Seriously? Some comments are not needed regardless of your own situation.
She asked for help (with the decision)
"Usually" most people have enough money for their first as they don't "usually" have any major commitments.
But I did assume the OP and her OH did live together.

I had my daughter at 19 and it the best choice I made. I had a job also. But quit as my partner wanted to support us which he did. I have then made inroads and got myself a job in Optics while my daughter in now in nursery. I'm on higher the national wage. Work flexible part time hours and have current progression in my job. I'm happy with that. We are now TTC number 2.

I lost my dad last year and now my brother is doing chemotherapy for the foreseeable so my point of "life is too short" stands in my own life. I don't want to "wait" forever for things because I know most of us don't have forever. You never know when life will strike you down for any reason. And this is how I live my own life.

I was only giving her my opinion of her situation.
I didn't say, don't think about the choice, money, situation, do it anyway... I wholeheartedly feel anyone who posts on here before just going and becoming pregnant is currently thinking about it properly anyway.

I feel a bit jumped on if I'm honest. But I suppose I shouldn't be honest and just sing from the same sheet and say..

Have a good job
Have lots of money and savings
Have a decent car
Own a house
Make sure you've lived your life before having a baby

- IMO I don't agree with any of the above fully.
This is just the ideal situation

It will take people years to BUY a house anyway, you don't NEED loads of savings, you don't even need to have a job if your partner is supporting you but it would helpin the long term.
I am currently living my life with my beautiful daughter in tow and loving every minute.

So to summarise.
I had my daughter at 19 and everything's fine.
I did live with my OH, we both had good jobs etc so money wasn't an issue.
Im glad I went for it.
It was a daunting process but you'll find you have loads of support from everyone and the worry goes away.

If you're the sort of person who goes out loads, wants expensive things and holidays etc then maybe now isn't the right time but I wasn't that sort of person so I knew I wouldn't miss going out etc.
- I just miss lay ins!

Sorry if I've totally missed the point here but I was just giving my own opinion from my own situation as I was a young mother (I hate that term) x

Sorry it's long!
Excuse any mistakes I am using my ipad.

 

[Cookie1979]

Personally I dont understand why young people feel they need to rush into having children, why not enjoy life abit, do all the things you want to do, see some of the world, have some fun. There is plenty of time to have children.

This is just my opinion and I'm sure there are plenty of people who will not agree, but I just dont see the rush.

End of the day though it is your life, if you really think you can emotionally and financially support a child then that is your choice, but a child will turn your life completely upside down, you will suddenly have to put this small person before yourself, everything you do will have to be planned around them...and its not easy, not at all. I'm very glad I waited, I got my career established, got married and felt fully ready...but then I knew I was ready and didn't feel the need to ask a bunch of strangers if I should have a baby. I'm sorry but it just seems abit strange to me. Sorry if that comes across harsh, but I don't get it!!

 

[lovelylaura]

I was 19 when we had our first baby, Yes planned! we both had jobs (OH a very good job!) we lived together and had for 2 years already. We had savings and we both wanted a child. Yes we could have travelled the world ect. But I want to share those experiences with my children! How wonderful it will be to look back in 20 years knowing that we gave them a snap shot of the world.
We still have the odd night out , ive got a good job and have been given a promotion. Having my girls young didn't stop us from doing anything.
However my OH is 28 now and a lot more mature than any 19 year old boy could be. Babys scream ALOT! and if its not a joint descision to have this baby its screaming could tear you apart. We had been together for 3 years and lived together for 2. We knew each others shitty flaws, so they didn't bother us.
Only you can decide but I would say if your asking on here then no your not ready.

xx

 

[Cookie1979]

Lovelylaura - just shows how your situation has a big impact on your opinion, as someone who was 30 when I conceived my son I feel like yeh I'm glad I had my 20s to enjoy myself, everyone should enjoy themselves. But then you who had your kids younger think why do people wait, means you can enjoy them while you are younger and still be fairly young when they are in their teens. I can see the merits of both. But I definitely definitely agree with your last point.

End of the day we are all different, I was very immature at 19, but not all 19 year old are. The world would be a boring place if we were all the same. xx

 

[amytrisha]

I'm 19, 20 in a couple of months. Me and OH we're actively TTC for 20 months, we live together, are financially stable and we've been together just over 2 years.

I stopped partying and whatever it is people think teenagers are 'supposed' to do when I left home.

In my person opinion if you and oh think you can support a child financially, you have a roof to put over babies head and you both know the pros and cons then why not.
If I was you I'd stay on this forum a couple of months and have a look around.. When I started TTC ill admit I wasn't prepared at all, it can be stressful.. It's not as easy as having unprotected sex, getting pregnant and 9 months later having a baby, there are so many things that can get in the way so the best advice I think I can give is to research as much as you can and be prepared.

People can be judgemental but this is your life, do what you feel is right but please don't have a baby because you think it'll make your relationship better because sometimes it can do the opposite.

Good luck in whatever you decide, if you'd like any support/advice feel free to ask
Oh & welcome to BnB

 

[jessthemess]

Some of the advice being given here is not supportive and open minded, which is how we all should behave as collaborators on this forum.

 

[ProfWife]

Speaking to our OP, while you are very young, you also have the right to make your decision.

My advice would be to wait just a little while longer and save up, perhaps even get married. If you're only dating someone, there's always a much higher chance that he might leave. He doesn't sound 100% on board, even if he does like children and likes the idea of being a parent.

Both my sisters were mothers at 19/20...wives after they were pregnant/had given birth. They would be the first to tell you and their own children that life was tough. They had a lot of "growing up" to do, still. While it is possible to do that with a family, as they have done and are still happily married to the same men, it's a lot easier to work through some of the early stages of marriage and adulthood when there isn't a little one, mostly because you think about what is right for you and you're not making life-long calls based on the beautiful child that depends on you.

Plus, as another young poster indicated above, being young doesn't guarantee you'll get pregnant straightaway. Just as many younger women have issues conceiving. So, it would also be good to make sure you have the financial resources to not only support the pregnancy, birth, and raising of the child(ren) but also for additional issues of time off work for appointments, treatments, and other items (plus, if you don't need that money it becomes an excellent fund to use for vacations or something special for anniversaries).

I'm in my 30s. I got married in my mid-20s. We've been trying for 9 months (10 if AF shows up in the next few days). I do wish my husband and I tried earlier in our marriage. However, I know that if I'd been 19, there would have been no way that I would have made a good mother. My sisters were good mothers young...I would not have been, though.

 

[Eternal]

Everyone matures different and at different times, I was where near ready enough at 19 but so many people are.

There are lots of things to consider when thinking about having a baby, money is high up there, I second being able to support yourself and your family and not rely on benefits is important, but also the reality that a baby is a life long commitment and will change you and life as you know it.

However if your financially and emotionally mature enough then go for it, 19 is just a number and shouldn't be a reason not to have a baby.

 

[Heatherlt]

I was 19 when I got pregnant with my first, and by the time I was 21 I had my second. My first was very unplanned.. after 6 years of dating my now husband, we just weren't quite ready yet. I was still in college, and even though I did end up getting my degree it was incredibly difficult. We've been together for 10 years now, are married, have our own home, he has a great career, etc. so it all worked out for the best. But if I could go back and do it again, I would wait at least 4 more years before having our first. I truly love being a young mom, but I wouldn't choose it.

I would absolutely get married first. If you aren't ready to commit to each other by law, then I don't think you're ready for a baby. Are either of you in college? Have your own home? Ready for the strain that a baby puts on your relationship? Have a solid career? etc.

I'm not trying to sound mean, just trying to help you think it through. I would wait if I were you, but in the end it's your decision.

 

[Monkey monkey]

I personally would wait a year or so and then decide, the ladies on here saying that they're glad they waited etc are in the camp I would fall into.

I had a serious bf at 19 whom I'd been with since I was 16, we had our own place, OK job etc but we split at 21 as we grew apart and think I changed so much as a person from the age of about 18-24 hence I don't think I really knew what I wanted despite the fact that at the time I would have argued until I was blue in the face to the contrary.

I agree with the others, if you're on here asking if you should try for a baby I think you should wait as we aren't the the people that will tell you either way its you and your partner