So Confused

[trythisagain]

I realize this thread might get locked...but Im hoping some of you can give me some insight before then.
Last Feb I suffered a HORRIBLE mmc. Nearly bled out and died...and obv lostt the baby. I wanted that baby so much...but I understand things happen for a reason and this baby will bring DH and I what we have been missing
At the time I was miscarrying...a close friend of mine found out she was 10 weeks preg. Her and her bf decided that the party life was so much more appealinf...they opted to terminate the pregnancy. She told me all about it...as I was in the process of losing my baby.
It destroyed me. Absolutely killed me inside. She had a wonderful...healthy pregnancy and ended it because she thought acting like a teenager was more appealing.
She is now pregnant again. They began trying not long after the miscarriage. She got her bfp about a week ago and thinks she is around 6 weeks.
I want to be supportive...but how? This is torture. Why wasnt their last baby good enough?? Sorry...just lost.

 

[whispersof3]

oh wow, i don't even know how you can stand to talk to her anymore. I will never understand some people and what they choose to do.

 

[steph.]

Hun that was her decision, and her baby. Maybe there were things she was going through that she didnt tell you. Maybe she felt so guilty for what she did, that she decided to try for another baby to ease the pain. Its easy to judge from outside, but you might not know the full picture.

Try to put that aside and support her. What is done is done, and she cant undo it.

 

[daisyr21]

I think is going to come down to what is really in your heart. If you can get pass what you think she did was wrong and continue to be her friend then commit to that but if deep down you know that it is not something you can completely get over then it might be better to distance yourself.

 

[HappyBump25]

I, personally, could never get an abortion. I would feel like I'm killing my child (I know some people might see this as the obvious, but others do not).

My best friend in the whole world got an abortion a few years ago. From talking with her a lot before hand, I think she did it mostly because she really didn't want to be tied down with her fiance at the time (they broke up before the marriage happened, unrelated to this).

Did I ever think she could really do it? No. Did she? Yes. Was I disappointed in her? Absolutely. Part of me couldn't understand how she could so easily get rid of her baby. But, it is not my place to judge her actions. She has to live with them. She has to answer for them.

With all that in mind, it was definitely insensitive of her to even think to tell you that she was getting rid of her baby when you suffered so much. Personally, I would have said then and there, "wtf is wrong with you telling me this when I've just gone through XYZ?"

I definitely understand you needing to vent.

 

[d_b]

It sounds like she realized she made a mistake. Something else may have been going on, maybe her boyfriend convinced her it was a good idea. It sounds like it was a decision they made together. Many people are very naive and don't think things through entirely. You need to try to forgive her and not judge her actions. Since she started trying for a baby so soon, she probably has not forgiven herself and maybe never will, and she has to live with that every day.

It was very insensitive for her to tell you about her abortion as your were losing your baby but maybe she had no one else to talk to.

 

[beagleowner]

When I had my miscarriage I remember talking with my OB abut how much I didn't understand people voluntarily giving up their pregnancy when it was killing me to experience that loss (I had always been pro-choice and still am although I could not have an abortion personally). So I relate to what you are saying.

But I really agree with the person above who said we don't know what it was like to be her and we can't walk on her path. I understand why it is upsetting to you, and I agree if you can't move past it, best to distance yourself. But remember, this baby (not to mention the termination she had) isn't about you, it is about her.

From one person who has suffered a loss to another, I feel for you. Good luck...this process is not easy!

 

[AP]

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