So depressed please hear me out

[Bec C]

HI I am so glad I found this part of the site. I can't talk to anyone, I feel so alone lately.

I have been trying for this baby for over a yr and should feel elated just to be pregnant. But I'm so stressed, hormones, whats been going on here, I don't know.

I am really wanting a girl. But I'm sure I saw some tackle on my 20 weeks scan. I wasn't supposed to see anything but it flashed up. I'm trying not to get stressed, but ever since I feel like its a boy.

I don't know if wanting a girl is because I always wanted another girl or because my baby I lost at 21 weeks after my waters broke and that was a much wanted girl, or because I've just lost my mum and wanted to include her name somehow. I don't know if its all something, subconscious going on, or whether I just simply want another girl.

The more the pregnancy is going on the more I want it to be a girl, but when people ask what I want I just say a live baby this time, I could never admit to this. I am praying that you all could help me as I'm quite emotional about all of this. Partly guilt, partly just everything going on is making me emotional and partly I just want a baby girl, I don't think I'm trying to replace the baby I lost, but maybe I am and I don't even know I am, maybe I'm in denial. It feels like I have wanted a girl for so long, then I have one but she dies, now I so want it again, but I'm sure I saw something that day. I asked the sonographer and she said I couldn't possibly say if I saw something, but if I did she must have.

Gosh I feel better even just getting it out on here. I am such a screwed up lady right now. Any advice at all would be so unbelievably wonderful

 

[MrsM17]

Firstly I am so sorry for your loss. That must have been very hard. I can totally understand where you are coming from.

Did you not want to find out the gender? Doyou think it would help you to bond if you were carrying a son?

I have the most beautiful boy and adore him. I can promise you they are not all that bad If you had a son believe me you would wonder why you ever wanted a girl instead of him. I am not saying the desire would go away as we are starting to ttc no2 now and I would also like a girl BUT knowing how amazing my son is another boy would be great too.

Much love and hugs to you xxx

 

[Bec C]

Thank you. I didn't find out, I figured if it was a boy I'd be disappointed for 20 weeks whereas if I left it until it came, I would love it regardless once its in my arms, whether that's a good idea or not, it was how I reasoned on it.

 

[Misscalais]

Honey that's a normal feeling. You've gone though a lot, I'm sorry for your loss your baby is clearly very wanted and you will love baby just as much if its a boy it's just a grieving prodded of the girl you wanted but didn't get. ( well we aren't sure yet if bub is a boy ) but you catch my drift.

 

[pinklightbulb]

Just as a PP said, you're mourning the loss of a daughter, not grieving that you have a son. You can be grateful for your son, and devastated that you aren't going to be Mum to a little girl, at the same time. I know. I went through it, and still get flashes of GD today.

 

[maybebaby3]

sorry for your losses. Have you considered finding out the gender so that you can prepare before birth?

 

[tinkerbelle93]

Sorry for your losses hunny. I agree that it might be a good idea to find out the gender before the birth? That way you can relax if it is a girl, and if it is a boy have time to bond and come to terms with it before he arrives. xx

 

[Beccaboop]

Im sorry for your loss that must be soo hard.

I really wanted a girl too and felt disapointed and sad for a long time even for a little while once he had been born but i couldn't imagine having a girl or even a different baby now! I love my funny, chatty, curious, clever and gorgeous little guy so much i just want to kiss and cuddle im all day! Im so happy and proud of him everyday!

Even if you are having a boy the feelings your feeling now will fade when your baby is here and youll wonder why you ever felt disappointed at all i promise! xxxx

 

[Bec C]

I may find out, but I'm worried I may be dissappointed, but when it is born, I will love it anyway and just be glad its alive. I am going to have a long think about it. I haven't found out before, but maybe its a good idea to

 

[elociN]

Hi
I am sorry you are feeling so stressed and I can completely understand. Losing a baby and then having a baby of the opposite sex can make the loss more pronounced for some people. I lost my first baby (a boy) at 33 weeks and when I got pregnant again I was dreading the possibility of a girl, but got another boy and was very happy, but I found that the loss doesn't really get any easier and no matter how many children you have and what sex they are one is always missing. I admit I was a little disappointed when I found out my 3rd baby was a girl, and the same with the forth. When I got pregnant again, I was so sure it was another girl but by that time I was so in love with my youngest little girl that I didn't mind either way. I had a little boy 5 days ago, and we are so happy, but not because of hes gender, but because he is healthy and ours.
Don't be upset about it being a boy, boys are great.

 

[allforthegirl]

I am glad I found out. I could have sworn that this one was a girl. Like deep down inside, it felt like a girl to me. So when they told me it was my 5th boy I was so shocked. I too will love this little guy but will never have that girl I dreamt of before all my children. It is just the thought of never having that girl is the hardest part. So I am glad I found out cause I don't think I would have been able to go to the end and a boy pop out. I think I would have all the gender disappointment then and that would been too hard to deal with then. So for me finding out was best.

I hope that you find some peace in what ever decision you make. All the best to you my dear.

 

[onceisenough1]

I am sorry for your loss. Don't feel bad for feeling the way you do. I read a post over on ingender of a reproductive specialist who worked with people who couldn't get pregnant for years.

She said that most still asked her if they could increase their chances for one gender over the other.

 

[BabyCleo]

awwww its okay!! i too would find out just so you can prepare. Plus that way you will be able to look forward to the boy if you have one.

 

[ALISON69]

HI I am so glad I found this part of the site. I can't talk to anyone, I feel so alone lately.

I have been trying for this baby for over a yr and should feel elated just to be pregnant. But I'm so stressed, hormones, whats been going on here, I don't know.

I am really wanting a girl. But I'm sure I saw some tackle on my 20 weeks scan. I wasn't supposed to see anything but it flashed up. I'm trying not to get stressed, but ever since I feel like its a boy.

I don't know if wanting a girl is because I always wanted another girl or because my baby I lost at 21 weeks after my waters broke and that was a much wanted girl, or because I've just lost my mum and wanted to include her name somehow. I don't know if its all something, subconscious going on, or whether I just simply want another girl.

The more the pregnancy is going on the more I want it to be a girl, but when people ask what I want I just say a live baby this time, I could never admit to this. I am praying that you all could help me as I'm quite emotional about all of this. Partly guilt, partly just everything going on is making me emotional and partly I just want a baby girl, I don't think I'm trying to replace the baby I lost, but maybe I am and I don't even know I am, maybe I'm in denial. It feels like I have wanted a girl for so long, then I have one but she dies, now I so want it again, but I'm sure I saw something that day. I asked the sonographer and she said I couldn't possibly say if I saw something, but if I did she must have.

Gosh I feel better even just getting it out on here. I am such a screwed up lady right now. Any advice at all would be so unbelievably wonderful

hi bec c
i cant advise, but by golly i know how you feel, i so want a boy as I have 4 girls. and i sure this one is a girl as well and this will be last pregnancy ever due to age alone.
I wish you good luck and hope it was the cord you saw and not his tackle and you get a wonderful little girl..

 

[Turnipstar]

Sorry for your loss, I have three girls and on two of their scans I have been convinced I saw 'tackle' but it was infact their umbilical cords.... So much so the sonographer even said she thought the gender prediction at 20 weeks scan was wrong on the morning I was induced because we were told we were having a girl and ended up a hour before induction being told it was a boy (after leaving the 20wk scan in tears it was possibly the biggest head fu*k ever) I then gave birth less than a hour later to another healthy girl (induction due to preeclampsia) x

 

[Bec C]

Thank you so much for your replies. I'm sorry for the delay in my post. I went into hospital and had an emergency stitch as my cervix opened. I am now on bed rest and still going. Yes I do just want a live baby especially after all this, I do feel better in that I will love it whatever and I am trying to just think of boys names and look at boy things. I am still struggling with not wanting a boy if I'm brutally honest, but it has helped me convince others I don't have a preference.

I can't even see me with a boy but I'm trying to. My consultant always gets it right and they said boy so I think it is going to be.