So desperate to be a sahm :(

[MiniKiwi]

But it's not possible and it's just ruining me. Today I cried at work, on the bus home, when I saw my little girl and now she's in bed I'm crying again

She doesn't usually have such long days since mine and OH's schedules work well together but the next couple of weeks she has a few 8am-5pm days and I just want to cry my eyes out thinking about it.

There's just no way I can be a sahm but I can't deal with this sadness My family doesn't know what to say to me when I tell them how I feel, OH is pretty useless too. There's noone I know who understands. Somebody please tell me this gets easier

 

[Piper84]

When did you settle LO in to creche? It gets easier.

 

[MiniKiwi]

She's been going five weeks now but because me and OH usually have opposite schedules she hasn't needed any long days. Her longest days so far have been 8-3pm and today when I walked in at 4:30 she was crying and wailing mamma mamma before she could even see me. aghhhhh

 

[lau86]

How long have you been feeling like this?
I know I couldn't be a SAHM, I just need to work. But I felt so guilty when I went back and worried constantly. I tried to focus on the positives, LO was having a great time at nursery and with nanny, they all spoilt him and gave one on one attention the whole time (at home there's all the housework that inevitably will get in the way some of the time), it is more money for us to have a nice life and do nice activities together, and it's a good thing to be able to show Lo you can juggle work etc.
in all honesty I think this is probably hurting you a lot more than your LO...
Hugs x x

 

[lau86]

Ahh I see, just seen your above post. 5 weeks is such a short time still, for her and you. I was struggling at that point. It will get better.

 

[Piper84]

She's been going five weeks now but because me and OH usually have opposite schedules she hasn't needed any long days. Her longest days so far have been 8-3pm and today when I walked in at 4:30 she was crying and wailing mamma mamma before she could even see me. aghhhhh

You poor things! Look at it this way: it makes your time together even more worth it. I had my 2 yo at home with me and a newborn for 3 months after we moved and we were waiting for a creche place. It was horrendous a lot of the time because I just felt a failure at being a sahm with 2 under 2. He was bored a lot and I felt so bad he wasn't having more fun with all the hours we got to spend together. It was such a relief when he got a place, and when we are together now it's really quality time!

 

[MiniKiwi]

Thanks ladies. I've been feeling like this for about a month before Mia started at kindy.

The slightest thing just sets me off crying, whenever I get asked to stay later I tear up. I missed the bus home by 20 seconds today and even though there's another bus every 7 minutes I started crying over it, 7 minutes longer she'd have to wait. When we finally got home I dropped our keys down a drainhole and cried about that too! It's just killing me. I'm not depressed, I just want to be with my baby That would make it all better

 

[bananaz]

I hope this doesn't come across the wrong way, but do you think hormones could be playing into how you feel? Crying at the drop of the hat, especially about baby-related things, tends to be hormone-related for me. Not that knowing that makes it feel any better, of course!

I know what it's like to have to bring your baby to daycare full-time though. My LO has been going full-time for the past two months. It's hard but it does get easier. She's done so much cool stuff and learned so many things at daycare that she wouldn't have gotten to do with me. I'm sure Mia's having a great time too!

 

[kayleigh1985]

I had to go back to work when LO was 6 month old. It absolutely killed me and I cried constantly for the first 3 months! It does get better though and I appreciate my time with LO so much more. I still get the odd day when the guilt takes over and I feel like chucking it all in to be at home with her but I know deep down I wouldn't enjoy not working. The guilt you feel of being a working mother is awful but my daughter is the most amazing independent little girl who showers me with cuddles and kisses when I'm at home. Hope it gets easier for you