So frustrated, need a rant!!!

Discussion in 'Single Parents' started by jocelynmarie, Jun 1, 2011.

  1. jocelynmarie

    jocelynmarie Well-Known Member

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    Well here I am, into my 3rd trimester and stressed beyond belief.

    FOB and I had worked out a private agreement for child support and so forth. We've been some what civily been trying to work the best time for him to come in to see the baby. The 2 options are A. for the birth, which would require me to share part of my maternity leave... doesn't seem like a huge deal, but I only have 6 weeks off and I want to be able to bond with my son without being stressed out because I don't want to be around his father. It sounds selfish I know, but its going to be the most stressful time of my life (and beautiful) as it is. I want to make sure I'm able to breast feed properly and my little man doesn't need a stressed out mother. He would only have approximately a week to spend with him at that time, for a few hours a day... option B. is to come in when I go back to work for 3 weeks where he could bond with his son for 9 hours a day every day during the week.

    I've told him that I will not allow him in the delivery room.

    The decision to me sounds like a no brainer... and I thought we were established with the second option... well now he wants to be difficult... he's decided he would rather come in and be here during the birth. So basically he'll be spending no quality time with his son and it will make my life incredibly more difficult.

    We got into a HUGE fight last night... I said things that I shouldn't have said... threw out some names that I regret saying, but in the end he basically told me that because I wouldn't allow him in the delivery room that he's not going to pay child support. He's used it as a weapon against me from the very get go... "if you do what I want, I'll support this baby... if you don't, then I'll take you to court".

    I'm so MAD! It doesn't matter how often I tell him that the support isn't for me, its to make sure that this baby is properly taken care of... he thinks he can use it against me. "How dare you suggest that I won't support my baby" Ummm because you throw it out as a weapon whenever you think you're not getting your way.

    I've told him I will cooperate with him as much as possible, which would be a TON more than the courts would ever order him to get. I told him I'd email him updates with pictures, I've told him I'll work with him when he wants to come visit. The courts will give him visitation rights only and that is it... he thinks that he needs a SAY in every thing... down to how I decorate the nursery in MY home.

    I HATE this... I seriously seriously hate this. I tell him I refuse to fight anymore... that the stress isn't good for me or the baby and I was finished. Unless he had something to say in regards to the well being of the child then I didn't want to hear from him... He goes on to email me TEN more times... I didn't respond until the last one and then I seriously lost it.

    So at this point, I'm done. I'm done trying to be civil. I can't stomach him for even a slight amount of time, which I know is pitiful considering we conceived a child together, but he literally makes me sick to my stomach. At this point... I'm just going to let the courts do their work as its the only way its obviously ever going to get done. Its so ridiculous that it got to this point... that he can't look past himself to do what we had agreed on.

    sorry, I know that is extremely long... if you read it all the way thanks for listening to me whine.
     
  2. whoops

    whoops Just me and my LO

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    :hugs:

    If he's going to throw the 'do this or I'll not support you' card, then you're better off going through the courts so he can't use it as a weapon anymore.

    If I were you, I'd tell him you need a break from contact with him for a few weeks just to get your head together.

    If you're not comfortable with him being there during the delivery, then don't let him. It'll be tough enough without added stress - I would let him see the baby after, as soon as possible, but for the actual birth, you should only have people you're comfortable with around.

    :hugs:
     
  3. Mommi2Be

    Mommi2Be Well-Known Member

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    It's completely up to you as to whether or not he is present during delivery. You're the patient, you have rights. I wouldn't let him in the room.

    I think in your case it would be best to go through court. You need documentation and an actual plan. If it's just between the two of you, he may be able to screw you over and do whatever he wants, and it would be difficult to stop him at the point.

    Good luck to you and your baby!
     

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