So many thoughts on mortality

[psychochick]

I am 11 months post partum and things are generally good. I def had some postpartum depression but most of it is gone except ever since I had the baby I think so much about what's going to happen the next 20 years and so on and I think about our mortality. Like not about harming anyone just about how short life is and just always feeling almost like I already know the "ending" to life. I never thought about this before, is this a natural thing with becoming a new parent or is it a postnatal depression symptom still?

I'm already pretty much back to normal in terms of work, exercise, friends and have plenty of other parents for support. But almost everyday I think about growing old and about dying and it doesn't make me upset it's just not a nice way to end the day. Did anyone go through the same and does it go away on its own or should I try to address it more directly?

 

[topsy]

Hunny I suffered with pnd and used to think about death a lot ;( I said that to my therapist and she said it was related to my pnd and psychosis. I must admit I still have mh problems and do think about death but not as much as I did when ds was born. I would maybe speak to your health visitor or go. Sorry not sure if you are in uk. Pandas are a good uk site that helped me with my pnd and still help me with my mh problems 5 years on. Worth a look if you get time hunny. Take care xxx

 

[nicoleandbump]

I think this could go either way.

Topsy is right—if you are having thoughts that are intrusive and affecting your moods/behavior/etc, then speak to someone. Get professional advice.

However, I also feel that having a baby may incline one to start philosophizing about their existence, i.e.; mortality. It's sort of the thought of having completed the "life cycle." I certainly now think of my child, his future, his children... and likewise, my end, my parents' end, etc. Some of this is sad, yes, but not morbid.

So my point is that it really depends on the severity of these thoughts, which one cannot gauge by your post alone. Hopefully, it's just natural, meandering thoughts.

 

[psychochick]

Yeah I'm kind of on the borderline. If I'm always anxious about death I would def talk to a professional. But I'm usually pretty happy but like a quarter of the time right at bed time I start thinking about it and sometimes it keeps me up for a while. It's just hard to shut off once it starts and i don't know what triggers it. It doesn't affect me overall but I'd like to get a grasp of what's causing it or is it just a phase or due to hormones.

 

[citrusfruit]

Just wanted to say I experience this too. I have what I consider to be fairly mild health anxiety in that it doesn't generally affect my day to day life but is often on my mind at the end of a day. It has definitely got worse since having my child 2 years ago. I really relate to what you say about how life is going to go from here. It almost feels like a little of the excitement has been sucked out of life in a way I don't feel old enough to warrant! I think written down it sounds worse than it actually is and I feel this is perfectly normal for me, not how everyone would react but normal for me. That's not to say it wouldn't improve with the right therapy however, but I've never been compelled to go down that route.

 

[psychochick]

citrus: Yeah what you're saying is spot on! Before TTC I felt like life was full of possibilities. Felt like I would live forever and nothing would go wrong. I wasn't scared of anything. Now whenever I feel a little under the weather I start thinking something's wrong with me and get anxious about possibly getting sick and who's going to take care of LO and will he catch it from me etc.etc. This is relatively new for me so I don't like it when it happens but maybe after a while I'll just learn to deal with it when it happens and it'll be the new normal