So now what? Doctor doesn't want to biopsy...

Discussion in 'Miscarriage Support' started by Klandagi, Dec 12, 2009.

  1. Klandagi

    Klandagi Well-Known Member

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    A lot of you know that I M/Ced my 9+2 baby early Friday morning around 5:30 AM EST and passed an intact gestational sac that looked like a glass bubble with my angel inside it (as well as other tissue). So far the bleeding has slowed down a fair bit and isn't as intense in color... but I'm still slightly crampy (feels more like ovarian pain then uterine tbh and more on my right side, baby was implanted on my left). I'm going to assume this is normal.

    I phoned my doctor around 10 AM to have one of his girls call me back to due concerns with miscarriage. I didn't want to get into it with them. At least this one, the nice one, asked me if I was ok and how I was doing and sounded genuinely sad for my loss. I cried when I got off the phone with her and waited for doc to call. He finally did just before noon.

    He had me describe what I passed and then told me it sounds like I've completely passed everything naturally and he wanted to see me in about 2 weeks. If anything changes, come on in. I told him I still had the intact sac with the baby and the grizzly blue veiny tissue. He said he didn't want to biopsy at this time because the first pregnancy was molar/blighted ovum and "doesn't count". He counted this as the first true pregnancy because of the fact it actually developed past a certain stage and I carried beyond a month. Admittedly the molar/blighted ovum was at 5/6 weeks and had never progressed at all... That was quick and like a heavy period.

    So I asked him what I should do with my baby... He said "Whatever makes you feel right." Then cautioned me that because for the gestational age they don't count her as "human remains" and I can't have an actual funeral for her but I can bury her on my property etc. He said that's what he and his wife did when she M/Ced her first pregnancy. After that touching but he went back to being an insensitive SOB and said "most women just flush it or place it in the trash." I said "Oh... Ok thanks. Bye." and that was that... I was in tears again.

    So now I wonder what to do? Where do I go from here? I have baby wrapped in a moist wipe inside a tiny plastic container and I know she can't stay there forever. She can't. It's sick to hold onto her. I move from here to Canada Jan 5 and I can't take her with me. What do I do?

    For the longest time last night I sat up and cried and held that little glass bubble and told my angel how much I love her, how much her father loves her, and begged her to come back... Oh Hell I'm crying again. Wrapping this up. I just need to know my options and what I can do now...
     
  2. tinybutterfly

    tinybutterfly Proud Mommy

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    sorry to hear your doctor is like this... i can't imagine doing what he said if you feel
    soooo much for your little one!

    don't really know what to do instead though...
     
  3. Tashry

    Tashry Mommy to Ryder and Knox

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    I am so sorry, I wish I had an answer for you. I can't imagine how hard it must be, please know my thoughts are with you.
    I'm not sure of your situation - so please forgive me if I have missed something posted previously - but do you perhaps have a place that is special to you that you could bury her? I can understand not wanting to leave her behind when you move, but maybe there is someplace that is important for one reason or another, be it the garden of a loved one/relative or something like that. Some place you feel you could lay her to rest with family or close friends nearby so that she is not left alone and you can come back to pay respects to her when you visit?
    I wish you all the best in deciding what to do.
     
  4. tinybutterfly

    tinybutterfly Proud Mommy

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    how 'bout burrying her in a pot and have a plant grow in it...
    bit like the thing some ppl do with planting a tree where they burried their child.
    i don't know if you can move a plant with you?

    and... ok, this is going to sound harsh maybe but it's what i would do if i had no
    other option... i'd go to the crematory and ask if they want to cremate her, you can
    then put the ashes in a pretty box or anything you choose

    have you taken pictures yet? i've read on sites they advice to have pictures,
    if it's not for now, then maybe for later when you might feel the time is right.
    it's better to have them and never need them, than to not have them and need them.
     
  5. MrsRoughton

    MrsRoughton PREGNANT!

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    i lost bean and buried her in under an oak tree which i can see from my window, although we are planning to move at some point its a beautiful spot and a family of squirrels live there and i know she won't be alone and now she is at peace. i would say take time to plan what you want to do. as although i know she will be fine there. if i had been thinking straight i would of took her with us to the new place. but at the time it was important to give her peace. am so sorry for your loss hun and if you need to talk just pm me xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

    RIP little angels xx
     
  6. ProudMum

    ProudMum Well-Known Member

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    that is heartbreaking :( im so sorry xxx
     
  7. Klandagi

    Klandagi Well-Known Member

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    I've decided that I am going to bury her. I don't know where, but I am going to bury her. The potted plant idea is a good one, but what happens when the plant outgrows the pot?

    I bought a small stone butterfly to use as a head stone... It's hand carved and not much bigger then she is... Maybe double her size since the wings are wide spread.

    Right now I'm still crampy, not the heavy pressure cramps, but like period cramps... And I'm still so very sad and beside myself.

    I'll live though... I will.

    Thanks everyone.
     
  8. jess_smurf

    jess_smurf Angel Kristian & Olivia

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    the plant wont outgrow the pot, the pot will contain it and i think its the best thing to do

    i planted a tree in memory of kristian but because i live in rented house i put it in a big oak planter so i can move it

    all the best x
     
  9. Drazic<3

    Drazic<3 You got the love <3

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    I planted Edan in a pot with a little tree inside. We hope that over the years it will take to grow larger, we will then be more settled and can plant Edan in our garden with us. I have pics in my sig if you click on Edan's name. Hope you find the right answer hun :hugs:
     
  10. trying4#1

    trying4#1 Well-Known Member

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    i am so sorry for your loss...i have no advice but, as you will be moving, i do like what tinybutterfly said
    "go to the crematory and ask if they want to cremate her, you can
    then put the ashes in a pretty box or anything you choose"
     
  11. BeanieBaby

    BeanieBaby Well-Known Member

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    I'm so sorry for your loss, it was heartbreaking to read your post, I can't believe your doc said those things to you, shocking! I have nothing extra to suggest as I think the girls have come up with some lovely ideas. I hope you get the closure you need. :hugs:

    xxx
     

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