So sick of the scare mongering....

[StarAngel]

I am 34 weeks + 4 and I dunno about anyone else but I am anxious as hell as to when labour starts etc I have ppl constantly telling me about their labour and all pains they experienced. I know labour is no walk in the park, I know it will be painful. But is it vital that I know how many stitches you got? Or do I really need to hear about "ring of fire"? Honestly this is not helping a ftm only scaring the bejaysus out of me. No joke I was awake last night 'planning' how to make it easier on myself... thats laughable I know. And don't even get me started on listening about ppls toilet experiences afterwards😈 for me I think ignorance is bliss for now, talk to me all you want after I have my lo but now? Now you're dealing with a scared and hormonal pregnant lady!

 

[Keebs]

Aw hun if it helps I had a lovely birth with my 1st, to the extent that the midwife didn't believe me when I told her the head was out because I was too calm.

Can't say it didn't hurt but it was managable with TENS and paracetamol then the birth pool later (for me, there are loads of other pain relief options if needed). I strongly recomend some kind of relaxation based birth classes/cd's as fear is well known to hinder birth (beats me why people think it's fun to scare the bejesus out of new mums).

Can't always control what happens but on the whole birth is something we are designed for. Trust your body and your instincts, you can do this for sure

 

[mum140381]

i have done it 7 times how bad can it be xx

 

[Twag]

I enjoyed my labour also and do not have any fears going into it again and I also had everyone telling me how horrible it was going to be etc

I used TENS machine and Gas & Air and that is what I plan on again this time

The end game is so worth anything you go through

Also I didn't have any issues with going to the toilet afterwards so it isn't all bad

Good luck you will do just fine

 

[prettybirdy27]

I'm sorry this is happening to you. I honestly think people just like to try to relate, especially with big life events. I think it's less "I want to scare you" and more "Oh, you are going to go through labor? Well I did that too! Let me tell you about it so we can bond!" Unfortunately labor stores are very rarely all flowers and sunshine.

That's just my theory though.

 

[2have4kids]

Twag & Keebs, where do you put the tens machine for pain relief? I've heard you ladies talk about this previously and I'm thinking of renting one. It sounds helpful! Thanks for the lovely positive stories on this thread, I'm terrified too and hearing about good experiences helps immensely!

 

[jlw617]

I'm not an ftm, this is my 3rd but it will hopefully be my first natural birth...I have my own fears like not being able to cope with the pain but I'm determined!

Twag & Keebs, where do you put the tens machine for pain relief? I've heard you ladies talk about this previously and I'm thinking of renting one. It sounds helpful! Thanks for the lovely positive stories on this thread, I'm terrified too and hearing about good experiences helps immensely!

I'm thinking of buying one, they go in different places on your back

 

[spicyorange]

People do like to go on, I have no idea why, but your know what it's not so bad, it's short lived and you get a baby at the end, is worth it and you cope, and if you can't then there are drugs, there's no excuse for scaring pregnant women, it will be ok. 2 weeks on and to me it feels like ancient history. You'll be fine.

 

[tallybee]

People love to see a reaction I think! If it makes you feel any better I've had 2 completely straightforward and relatively quick births at home. 3rd coming soon. No pain relief whatsoever. Yes it hurts intensely but each contraction is a stage closer to lo in your arms x

 

[Jessicahide]

People love to tell a horror story!! Most are just wimps, it's not that bad.

 

[StarAngel]

Thanks so much for all your positive comments, its nice to hear its not as bad as some people say. I plan to use the TENS machine along with gas and air, cannot wait to have my LO in my arms☺

 

[icklemonster]

Put it this way 2nd time round I feel so much calmer about the idea of labour than I did the 1st time. Admittedly, I want an epidural again but that's a personal choice, once I had my epidural last time my birth was fab - no pain, very relaxing until the last bit where I had to do a bit of pushing then got to meet my daughter. I was so terrified of birth before, wish I hadn't wasted time worrying xxx

 

[oneill614]

Yes worrying about it won't make it any easier, it will just make it harder because you'll be more stressed and tighten up. Trying to relax is key.

I read somewhere that this is why many babies are born when the father steps out of the delivery room for food or a break. The mother relaxes because the father left and bam, baby arrives.

I am getting tired of people looking scared for me when I say I don't want an epidural. Millions of women had children before epidurals existed, so don't act like it's a new concept.

 

[hanni]

It's awful but it really is the best day of your life! You hate it at the time but it's over and done with and you wish you could go back and do it all again. And honestly it's not THAT bad. It does hurt but it's manageable and there's so much variation for pain relief. There's no medals for doing it drug free.

People just love to think they know it all and belittle people.

 

[LittleLala]

Awww I know how you feel!!!
I am a very anxious person, and after hearing everyone's horror stories I was sooooo anxious about my birth. So much so, in fact, that I wasn't dilating at all due to extreme anxiety. In the end, after 3 inductions that didn't work, they decided to give me my epidural early in the hopes that my body would RELAX and start to dilate, otherwise they were going to start prepping for a c-section. Well, it worked, I started relaxing and my body started to slowly dilate. And it was great
I wish I hasn't gone in with so much fear, it would have made the whole process much faster and easier... And I will know to relax for next time.
Baby is nearly 4 weeks now, and I will happily have a second child. One day of pain -or 3- it doesn't matter. It's all worth it. And with medications available when you want them, it's manageable too
I do wish I had a TENS machine for my early labour of the inductions because baby was back-to-back and the pain was mainly in my back, so I think getting a tens machine is a great idea it will help so much!!
You will be amazing... And afterwards, you will be so proud of yourself, you made an amazing little person! That's all that matters in the end

 

[jessmke]

It drives me crazy too, it doesn't scare me (for some absurd reason, I am not afraid of labour), but it makes me feel like they are belittling me. If I mention wanting a natural, unmedicated birth I get the "that's a great theory, except you have NO IDEA how painful it's going to be, and I'll bet you'll be screaming for the drugs!". And it doesn't just stop at labour, anything I say that is baby related sparks someone to tell me how awful my life is going to be once the baby comes. If I mention looking forward to going trail running I get the "haha, you think you'll have time for that? Well you'll see how little time you have once the baby comes". I mentioned to a friend that I am getting a stroller that has an attachment so I can cross country ski with it, and I was informed that it is a waste of money because that would just be way too much work and I'll never bother doing it. And of course they chuckle at me and tell me "you'll see once the baby comes". I just want to scream at them, just because you might be too lazy to bother using it doesn't mean that I am going to be. And of course I don't know exactly what it's going to be like once the baby comes, just like you didn't know what it would be like when you had your first baby. It will probably be harder and more work than I think it will be, but that doesn't mean that I won't step up to the challenge. I just want everyone to leave me alone and let me figure out things on my own, without laughing at how naive they think I'm being when it comes to my ideas of what I am going to do with the baby or with my life once the baby is born.

End rant.

 

[hanni]

It drives me crazy too, it doesn't scare me (for some absurd reason, I am not afraid of labour), but it makes me feel like they are belittling me. If I mention wanting a natural, unmedicated birth I get the "that's a great theory, except you have NO IDEA how painful it's going to be, and I'll bet you'll be screaming for the drugs!". And it doesn't just stop at labour, anything I say that is baby related sparks someone to tell me how awful my life is going to be once the baby comes. If I mention looking forward to going trail running I get the "haha, you think you'll have time for that? Well you'll see how little time you have once the baby comes". I mentioned to a friend that I am getting a stroller that has an attachment so I can cross country ski with it, and I was informed that it is a waste of money because that would just be way too much work and I'll never bother doing it. And of course they chuckle at me and tell me "you'll see once the baby comes". I just want to scream at them, just because you might be too lazy to bother using it doesn't mean that I am going to be. And of course I don't know exactly what it's going to be like once the baby comes, just like you didn't know what it would be like when you had your first baby. It will probably be harder and more work than I think it will be, but that doesn't mean that I won't step up to the challenge. I just want everyone to leave me alone and let me figure out things on my own, without laughing at how naive they think I'm being when it comes to my ideas of what I am going to do with the baby or with my life once the baby is born.

End rant.

It never stops!
I mentioned buying my son a snug pair of boots for the winter earlier and got, "he won't need them, you won't ever take him out when it's cold".
It's so frustrating.

 

[crownest]

Luckily people stopped telling me stories once I explained it is highly possible that an epidural will fail on me so I'm going with the mind set I won't need one. Except for one on call Doctor who looked at my history and exclaimed oh your labour will be fun the ob will have to manage it carefully. Then refused to go into details . Gee thanks for that

 

[aley28]

I think labor and delivery are some of the most exciting parts of pregnancy. I've been excited for it since I got pregnant this time around. I know that sounds crazy. But I had the PERFECT experience last time, and a nearly-painless (med free) labor.

Its constant though. You get pregnant and people are telling you their stories about how terrible their pregnancy was, how painful labor is, how horrible delivery is, how they didn't sleep more than 10 seconds at a time from delivery until the baby hit puberty, just on and on and on. Its unfortunate that people have the urge to do that to new mothers - what do they really think they are accomplishing? And it never ends. There is always one more person with a "just you wait until X!" story to tell you about some up and coming life stage that is just horrible to parent through, and I can imagine it happening right up until my sons get married. Possibly beyond that.

I don't tolerate scare mongering very well. I've made many a Facebook post to scold people for being jerks to new parents, and I just get straight up mad at people who try to do it to me. Not surprisingly, people have generally just left me alone through this pregnancy.

 

[Rachel89]

I honestly do not get this attitude either, I cannot understand where it comes from? Or at all what the point of it is. I do believe however that some people do need some reality check, like some people I know who think babies instantly or almost instantly sleep through the night etc. But for their own good, I cannot imagine the reality shock for someone who thinks like that.


Still there are different ways to go about things, and giving a mom, new or not, extra stress for something no one can predict or control, is beyond me. Giving a mom or ftm extra stress can actually increase complications for her.


I try to just not talk about it, or say: 'thanks, but we have thoroughly researched this and have discussed it with our doctor', followed by a quick subject change.