so upset thinking of ending my marriage

[Mummylou23]

he never seems interested that bby is kicking and doesnt even take an interest to feel her kick and tonight just because i ran the water in the sink forgetting bout the stuff he had put down the drain to unblock he shouted at me and snapped saying im wasting his money doing that etc and pushed the bathroom door i was in floods of tears in secret and feel so low i cant be doing, he hasnt padi anything for baby still either he bought some clothes off a woman yesterday for her and moaned about it making him skint etc and he has gone on so much i am giving him it back because i cant be doing. i just feel like goin gto bed and crying do u think i shuold talk to him or just tell him i dont want it no more and to leave? i feel unattractive etc and i feel like he doesnt love me he is 33 and i am 25 and he acts like an old man most times like tired all the time and never wants to do anything or takes interest in anything i show him that i like etc for baby and i have choosen her name not us like it should be he hasnt shown any interest in that either and expects another baby afte this one. and whenever i mentioned anything bout my little mans achievements eg learning potty training he isnt interested

 

[Sunshine12]

Firstly Im sending you hugs. xxx

I do think you should talk to him but I dont think you should talk to him tonight. I think you should go and make yourself a cup of tea or have a nice relaxing bath and try and get some sleep.

I think you should speak to him tomorrow once your head is a bit clearer. Tell him exactly how you feel and tell him not to speak over the top of you until you are finished. Once you are done give him a chance to respond (without interrupting) and take it from there once you have guaged his reaction.

If it helps, write everything down thats been building up and bugging you so you can get it all out in the open.

Wish you well. Let us know how you get on.

xx

 

[megrenade]

I'm only 19 so I don't have a lot of advice to give; but my boyfriend doesn't seem interested in my little man's kicks either.. I mean, he kisses my belly all the time and tells him he loves him.. but he seems to get irritated whenever I pull his hand on my belly.. just a guy thing, I don't think they completely understand.

 

[Mummylou23]

Thanks girls I will do xx I just feel so unloved its unreal I didnt realise it untill tonight xx

 

[painted_pony]

I don't think the age gap between the two of you is a excuse for his behavior. My husband is 8 years older than I am. At most times he's more energetic and positive than i am. He tells me everyday how much he wishes that he could be here for my pregnancy, to feel our little man moving around, buying baby stuff and doctors appointments. Unfortunately my husband is deployed till late summer so he wont get to experience any of this. I think your husband sounds like a really cold person to be honest. was he this bad before? I wouldn't be able to put up with someone who was always so distant. Sorry that u have to deal with his behavior.

 

[Mummylou23]

he has always wanted a baby together my son isnt his hes my exs and when i got pregnant he seemed pleased but he hasnt shown a huge interest in getting her things etc i have paid for everything for her and as i said in my opening post he bought her some bits yesterday just cos i mentioned them and then moaned bout the money so i am giving him it back because i cant be doing with the moaning from him about it making him skint etc

 

[Sunshine12]

Thanks girls I will do xx I just feel so unloved its unreal I didnt realise it untill tonight xx

His feelings will become very apparent once you talk to him hun. Just make sure you keep calm and tell him exactly how you are feeling. If he doesnt appear that interested then it may become apparent that he doesnt give a shit in which case you deserve better but it may be that he is oblivious and has just become very self absorbed and forgotten that a marriage needs worked at and that you are a woman with needs and wants, not just a mother and a wife. xxx

 

[painted_pony]

If he couldn't really afford some baby items, then why was he so bent on having a baby? I'm just curious. It makes me think that the only reason he wanted a child so badly was due to the fact that you had one with your ex. Isn't a marriage supposed to be 50/50? If he won't invest some money into his own child, wouldn't that be a red flag?

 

[mom and ttc]

I'm only 19 so I don't have a lot of advice to give; but my boyfriend doesn't seem interested in my little man's kicks either.. I mean, he kisses my belly all the time and tells him he loves him.. but he seems to get irritated whenever I pull his hand on my belly.. just a guy thing, I don't think they completely understand.

i dont think its a guy thing... my husband is crazy and already talked ... moans into my belly ...
he wouldnt let me choose the name by myself nd is really interest and wants to know what our big girl did today.

i would talk to him, how can he EXPECT a baby right away ... sorry you guys need to talk ..he is acting not right!
is your son his boy?

 

[Allyson11]

I think it might be worth you speaking to some one like relate, just so you have support while you think things through. It's hard enough to go through pregnancy with the support of your partner let alone without. Trust me, if you speak to someone impartial it'll help.

 

[Mummylou23]

i told him she was kicking just now he came and out.his.hand and felt her didn't get excited though

 

[Gitlost80]

I am sorry that he isnt sharing in the excitement of your pregnancy.You deserve to feel loved and given attention while making him the greatest gift you can give someone,a baby! Maybe his coldness will be warmed up when he sees and holds baby for the first time.

 

[megrenade]

I'm only 19 so I don't have a lot of advice to give; but my boyfriend doesn't seem interested in my little man's kicks either.. I mean, he kisses my belly all the time and tells him he loves him.. but he seems to get irritated whenever I pull his hand on my belly.. just a guy thing, I don't think they completely understand.

i dont think its a guy thing... my husband is crazy and already talked ... moans into my belly ...
he wouldnt let me choose the name by myself nd is really interest and wants to know what our big girl did today.

i would talk to him, how can he EXPECT a baby right away ... sorry you guys need to talk ..he is acting not right!
is your son his boy?

he talks to and rubs my belly all the time.. it's just that after a few kicks he kinda loses interest.. he's WAY excited for the baby

 

[LadyM812]

I definitely want to send hugs out to you.

Relationships and marriages can be hard enough without the stress of a pregnancy. How did you feel about him before you were pregnant? I think talking to him when you're both in a decent mood, relaxed and have time is ideal.

Also, try your best to have some patience, as hard as it is; a woman becomes a mother the moment she finds out she is pregnant, but a man becomes a father the moment he sees the baby. He may feel different once the baby is here. Women and men both experience pregnancy in totally different ways; it might be hard for him to relate to the fact that their is a baby in there, or he may not know how to bond with him/her. Also, pregnancy is a scary time. Even though I feel financially secure most days and our baby was planned, there are other days when I am terrified about what this may do to my finances and whether or not I can provide everything I want to provide, like all the sports and going to camps. Maybe he is feeling the same way and is just afraid of whether or not he can give the baby the life he wants to give.

Try not to make any serious decisions while you're pregnant. take care of yourself right now, and see how you feel about your relationship once the baby is here. My hormones are all over the place, so I can imagine that hormones might be making you feel more upset about this too. The other day, for example, my husband said that he thought embryos/fetuses look creepy for the first couple months of pregnancy, and this made me cry in the moment. He felt terrible after, because he loves our baby very much and he was just saying that because he was in awe of the progress ours has made since its' 'alien' stage, as he likes to call it. In retrospect, he's kind of right and it's really not that big of a deal to me anymore because I talked to him about it and now I see where he's coming from.

You might be surprised at what a patient and calm conversation can do for your relationship.

All the best, love.

 

[gk1701]

Oh no. Sorry you are going through this. My doctor says its totally normal for either or both parent not to bond with the baby until it arrives and she says men sometimes don't bond until the baby hits 3 months and becomes more social. I would recommend going to a counselor. They have free ones at churches etc. If a third part explains to him how unreasonable and hurtful he is being, I bet it would help.

 

[kuriazuri]

How frustrating. My oh keeps telling me I'm not really feeling the baby! It is sooooo annoying. When she starts to kick hard I'm going to let everyone else feel first, since I'm 'making it up' anyways. Hormones+feeling like a hippo+ insensitive guys makes us all pretty unhappy mamas.

 

[sandilion]

From reading about your relationship over the months i have been on this board, if you feel you should end it then maybe you should. This is the man you cheated on and unsure if the baby you're carrying is his right? Im pretty sure that was you... Have you told him about that incident to make him act this way or has he always been like this?

You have seemed to be pretty unhappy with this man for a while now, maybe it's time to face the facts and realise that it's just not meant to be. No use in staying in a miserable situation, life is too short hun.

 

[sandilion]

I also recall you posting about him being mentally abusive.... if things are still bad then if it were me id start looking into my options in ending the marriage.