So worried, stressed and a little angry...

[Babydust2014]

Yesterday we had friends over for the afternoon. A couple of weeks ago one of the ladies told me that one of the other girls was pregnant with her second and was fast approaching her 12 week scan. I had not seen this friend for 2 months due to holidays etc. At the time I commented that I thought it strange she was telling me as surely it was not her news to share. She told me that the news wasn't a secret and not to worry.

I have my 12 week scan on Thursday that I was already feeling apprehensive for. With this being our first baby we just don't know what to expect. Like so many other women on here I'm terrified of a MMC or that something could be wrong with our baby.

None of this group know we are expecting, the plan is to announce on Friday evening when/if we get the all clear at our scan.

So that's the background, now for the reason that I have hardly slept and have been feeling sick to my stomach with worry.

The friend who was pregnant was one of the first to arrive yesterday. On greeting her I said 'Congratulations on your news!', her face fell as she was obviously not expecting me to know as she hadn't told me and had to then go on to explain that she had a D&C last week. She had started bleeding the day before her 12 week scan and been diagnosed with a MMC that had happened around 7 weeks!!

I feel awful for her and her husband, and even worse that I so naively brought it up!! She was very matter of fact about it and said that these things happen. She already has a child so she knows she can have a baby so is less upset than if it was her first.

I'm now even more terrified for my scan on Thursday as the conversation that followed about miscarriages has just totally freaked me out.

I'm worried for our scan, I'm fed up of keeping this pregnancy a secret and all the stress that it is causing with people not knowing my circumstances (i.e. I'm feeling so dreadful for my friend, but equally terrified for myself), and angry at the friend who spilled someone else's beans then failed to inform me when the worst happened!

I just feel awful on so many levels!!

Any advice on how to keep myself sane until Thursday? I'm trying to remind myself that what is meant is meant for us, I'm just so attached to this pregnancy already that even the thought of something going wrong is heartbreaking!!

Thanks for reading x

 

[Tink1o5]

First of all so sorry for your friend.

Secondly I am the biggest worrier ever! I have ptsd, anxiety disorder, and panic attacks. What I do is remind myself how bad the stress and the worry are for myself AND the baby. It does help because I obviously want to try and do what is best for baby. I know it's hard hun, but truly the odds are in your favor. I wish you the best of luck with your appt. Sending tons of

 

[Babydust2014]

Thank you Tink. You are right, I need to think about my baby and make that a priority. All of this worry and stress is not going to help me or squidge. I so hope you are right about the odds being in our favour x

 

[girlinyork]

Statistics time! (I'm good at those) 1% of women who turn up for their 12 week scan, who have previously shown no sign of miscarriage in that pregnancy, discover a missed miscarriage. That's 1 in 100. Despite what this forum and your friend might indicate, missed miscarriages are rare. Try to relax. You'll be fine

 

[Babydust2014]

Thank you!! That is totally what I needed to hear. I love this forum but sometimes too much knowledge leads to so much worry. Those statistics are just the kind of info I need to hear right now though!! x

 

[MissR]

Hiya Hun, I was just about to reply to your other message so will do that next but try and just relax, as others have said, statistically these results are rare, although I completely understand your worries. So sorry for what your friend has gone through... It always makes it harder when someone close to you goes through something like that. It's easy to worry but I'm sure your little one is doing just fine xx

 

[Indi84]

You do see it so much in here and it's so so sad, but there is a huge amount of women here, so that 1% suddenly seems huge and so valid. Out of a thousand ladies you'll see it pop up maybe ten times and it's all you can see.
I was so scared I paid out for two private scans last time, and even then I struggled with the worry.
This time I've come to realise you can't change anything and the stress could affect your baby. I'm finding really tough not having a private early scan but am determined to wait until the nhs one. Big hugs, and I'm so sorry about your friend.

 

[Babydust2014]

Thanks Indi, you raise so many valid points. Worrying will not change whatever is meant for us...and the last thing I want is to not enjoy this pregnancy because of worrying about something I have so little power over. Yesterday just really sent me on a loop, I am so sad for my friend because I know how I would feel if it were to happen to me. Life can be so cruel sometimes!!

You kind of read my mind...I had been thinking that I need to try and relax as it could be a very long 28.5 weeks if after the 12 week scan I receive reassurance but then start fretting about the 20 week scan!!

x

 

[DebDeb85]

I loved reading this thread! I have my 8 week scan tomorrow and have many similar anxieties. It is hard to remember how substantially the odds are in the baby's favor. It's easy for me to focus on the worst case scenario.
Anyway, thank you ladies! This helped me a bunch

 

[orionfox]

Once you pass the 10week mark your odds of having a mc are way lower. Once you are at 12 weeks its even lower. You will notice more people have mcs at 8weeks or lower. Not many people have them after that. So i say your chances are doing good. I too worried a bit, but knew my baby would be a fighter. And baby has been doing great ever since having that attitude about it.

 

[2have4kids]

The stats about the mmc are very reassuring. I guess that friend who spilled the beans should now be known by her reputation which is a gossip, not to be trusted. I have a lady like that in our group, she's going to be the last person we tell. You didn't know and just let yourself off the hook with your friend who had a mmc. We all make mistakes and that was so innocent, you had the best of intentions. I hope you let her know who told you though, she deserves to know so that she can make wise decisions in the future.

 

[Babydust2014]

Thank you everyone for your reassurances, and your love for my friend x

 

[Babydust2014]

The stats about the mmc are very reassuring. I guess that friend who spilled the beans should now be known by her reputation which is a gossip, not to be trusted. I have a lady like that in our group, she's going to be the last person we tell. You didn't know and just let yourself off the hook with your friend who had a mmc. We all make mistakes and that was so innocent, you had the best of intentions. I hope you let her know who told you though, she deserves to know so that she can make wise decisions in the future.

Oh my friend called her up on it when she got to our house. Not entirely sure what she said to her but she apologised to me with the excuse that she had forgotten she'd told me. Ummmm not good enough!

She has totally been seen in a different light by both of us. It's just so callous and insensitive. Think she is going to feel even worse when we announce as I plan on telling her my side of the story as well!!

It's weird though as I had an instinct she couldn't be trusted when I got my BFP and she has gone on to prove me right! x

 

[maltesemom]

I want to thank you for this thread. 11 weeks 2days here, and I was feeling great today until I spoke to my husband and he asked me why i seemed so energetic. That I haven't seemed that way for months! Well today I felt ok enough to go back to the gym and I am generally feeling like myself again. So of course, first thing I thought was "well something is wrong with little bean"...my scan isn't for a week! And I am itching to ditch work tomorrow and go in for a scan with my regular OB.

Sorry for the long post. Just wanted to share the particular circumstances that made this thread so helpful. I did have a scan at 10 weeks and everything looked fine, and now I am freaking out a week later! argh I am a Thank you to ladies for making me calm down a bit.

As some lovely brilliant woman pointed out, the stats don't lie! Chances are, our babies are going to be great! Also, I so felt for you- you didn't know and it came from a good place! I am sure your friend won't hold it against you. Finally, everyone's situation is different, the same way that everyone's pregnancy is different. Can't compare. Somebody told me once "compare and despair" and there's nowhere where that's true but in pregnancy! Happy and healthy 9 mo and keep us posted on your scan!

 

[Babydust2014]

Hi Maltesemom,

There are so many lovely ladies on this forum. I was in such a state on Sunday morning but everyone's reassurances made me feel so much better. We have our scan tomorrow, I'm so excited now.

Think as unpleasant as they are we rely on our first trimester symptoms to know that baby is okay. So when they settle its a little scary. If it's any consolation I've gone completely the other way. I had hardly any symptoms bar sore breasts, constipation and bloating, a stuffy nose (which I still have) and the odd case of diarrrea. Well since Saturday at 11+2 I've started with what can only be 'morning' sickness, however I'm fine in the mornings. It's the afternoons and evenings that I feel so queasy!! Every pregnancy is indeed very different. I'm sure your little one is doing just fine x