Some things are just not fair! whine :(

[Abz1982]

I need to whine, I knows its soo immature but this pisses me off!

I work, OH works, we are honest and try hard. We managed to buy a house, and yes that in its self is a privalige - even though its part falling down its a roof over our heads.

I have a friend........who basically moves from guy to guy, which ever one will support her. She will get a job, then 'something' will happen and she will leave.......she has managed to get herself dismissed a few times and managed to successfully claim for constructive dismissal or whatever. And is hoping to do it again. She bought a house, ran up hie bills then got herself declared bankrupt . So after leaving her last BF he now has a new one...........with ££ no surprise there, as she isnt picky, and they have bought a house, a nice big 4 bedroom house with a big garden, and she has a nice car on finance. She had just again managed to get herself dismissed from a bus driving job due to her bad back.......which she has had for years and as the company know this and have dismissed her as she is off on a sick line she is planning to take them to tribunal again. She goes to Florida in 7 weeks and keeps boasting about that and their 10k holiday to Dubai next year.

Yes, you may ask now why I am friends with her if this annoys me. Its because we are child hood friends, but we are not like beszzie mates or anything - we are fairweather friend and both acknowledge this.

Its depressing me..........that I go through life being honest and trying hard and its like I am taking two steps forward one step back. I'm about to have to maroon myself 10 miles from the nearest anything as I cant afford to repair my broken car and this leaves OH with a 4 hours daily commute to and from his work. If he misses the last bus at 6:30pm he is stuck, a 10 mile walk away.
But if I had been superficial and material and gone after a rich man I could be having those holidays and the nice big house.
I should be happy in my soul I am not like that. Maybe I am, I just feel so that it means I cant seem to give my kids stuff.

We have only been here 7 months but I feel like selling..........but OH wont and if we did as well it would make a loss I think.........my dad would go mental and we also have a 1.2k electric bill to pay that we couldn't in one go.

I have nothing to sell that will make any money! All the stuff from my old horse got wet and has gone mouldy and i cant get it off .

 

[Belle25]

Be happy you Have what matters in life-a lovely family. Your truly the blessed onehun.

Your friend is living a shallow, unfulfilling life. She will regret that one day

Money can't buy everything
Xx

 

[JessdueJan]

I know the feeling, people who work for all they have seem to always come off worst x

 

[Mummy May]

Yeah us hard workers always seem to end of worse, but at least we're loved and happy xx

 

[Chellxx]

I've been with a couple of really well off guys and although they have everything material to give if your not in it for love then it wont last! I completely understand where you are coming from tho my ex has his own business and is doing really well but my husband is hard working and is the best dad for my kids, he truly is amazing, we've had a bad run of luck in loosing a business and are going through bancrupty but my hubby works for evey single thing we have and it makes me proud that although things dont come easy for us at the moment he works for what i want.

I live 250 miles away from my friends and would love to move back but at the moment we just cannot afford to, it really sucks especially as he would earn more down there, but for now my kids have a roof over their heads and food in their tummy (ok it may not be steak and caviar but its fresh and healthy) their cloths come from asda and not next but they dont mind too much, we go on the sun holidays and i start my xmas shopping in january so i can grab the bargains..... My kids are as happy as any others and when they look back to their childhood they wont remember all these things as i try and cram their memories with happy ones.

Things will get better for you hun, you'll do your house up and you are teaching your kids a good life lesson in working hard for things that they want, its crap and i wish there was a way out but try and keep optomistic, i've just started sewing in the hope that I can make stuff for my kids and eventually sell some bits to make extra cash.

 

[Pirate]

I'm not even going to get on my soapbox about this topic because I don't want to be in a pissy mood for the day, but suffice to say, I feel your pain.

 

[Pearls18]

Whenever someone (or myself) feels like this I just think, you don't know what goes on behind closed doors. Someone can appear to be having it easy, legitimately or not but that is usually not the whole picture. When I find my thoughts wondering off thinking about others, usually school friends my age, and what they have got I just remind myself what I have got. It's very easy to spend so much time either concentrating on the negatives of your own life and the positives of others that we underappreciated what we have ourselves. It sounds easier said than done, but although not easy at the moment, you have a stable life, with a loyal hubby, family roof over your heads and your health plenty of people would be jealous of that, I question how happy someone must be bouncing from guy to guy, job to job, doesn't sound stable and content to me. It's so easy to say, money can bring happiness I never deny that, but it can't fix everything and the most important things in life (love and health) have little to do with money, sometimes we can't have it all, but I know which life I would choose.

 

[Abz1982]

Oh I know money cant buy happiness...could help at the moment though . Im about to be stuck 10 miles away from anything with 5 buses a day - times so that you have like 30 mins or 3 hours wait to get home - as my cars MOT is up (I forgot as I was too preoccupied with my DVT and being in agony) so I have to declare it SORN as its too much to fix it.
OH cant do his bike test again till the end of august so he is on to commuting over 4 hours a day, away at 6:30am and back at 6:45pm. DD starts whining at 4pm for daddy to be home (this is when we used to pick him up) and its doing my nut in.

The list for improving the house to actually make it not a shit hole is near 20k. No way on our salarys can we afford to do it up now as he is not getting offshore so that extra 6-7k a year he was promised isnt there.

DD has also now just started being horrible to her brother.......she is all nice when I am there, but if I leave the room she does something that will leave him screaming blue murder and he has bruises all on the sole of his right foot that she wont tell me how they got there, just it was an 'accident'................I think she stood on him on purpose as I came in yesterday adn she was putting his dummy in and asking him desperately to please shush. But what can I do........I have to leave them alone now and again, I cant carry him everywhere.

This house is so full or crap. I want to throw most of it out and start again.

Once this DVT is under control and I am able to move freely this place is getting gutted! Anything we havent used in 6 months is getting skipped!

 

[Mazzy17]

Oh I know money cant buy happiness...could help at the moment though . Im about to be stuck 10 miles away from anything with 5 buses a day - times so that you have like 30 mins or 3 hours wait to get home - as my cars MOT is up (I forgot as I was too preoccupied with my DVT and being in agony) so I have to declare it SORN as its too much to fix it.
OH cant do his bike test again till the end of august so he is on to commuting over 4 hours a day, away at 6:30am and back at 6:45pm. DD starts whining at 4pm for daddy to be home (this is when we used to pick him up) and its doing my nut in.

The list for improving the house to actually make it not a shit hole is near 20k. No way on our salarys can we afford to do it up now as he is not getting offshore so that extra 6-7k a year he was promised isnt there.

DD has also now just started being horrible to her brother.......she is all nice when I am there, but if I leave the room she does something that will leave him screaming blue murder and he has bruises all on the sole of his right foot that she wont tell me how they got there, just it was an 'accident'................I think she stood on him on purpose as I came in yesterday adn she was putting his dummy in and asking him desperately to please shush. But what can I do........I have to leave them alone now and again, I cant carry him everywhere.

This house is so full or crap. I want to throw most of it out and start again.

Once this DVT is under control and I am able to move freely this place is getting gutted! Anything we havent used in 6 months is getting skipped!

I have done that with our stuff this past week, i had it out in the hallway so me and hubby can go to the dump/charity shops and what did hubby do when he got home last night?! Went through it all and took half out because "we need it"....uhm NO!!!!

 

[aimee-lou]

Hun, I know exactly how you feel. We're working our way out of a massive debt hole (I say massive - when you're on nothing but benefits and student grants, £2k is massive!). Car needed fixing and was downright dangerous. House is/was an absolute tip but with 2 small children and another about to arrive I'm not ashamed to admit that housework isn't my forte!

It's taken 2 solid months, but we're about £400 away from freedom...it may as well be 4million as it's taken so much of a toll on all of us. Hubby is working 12 hours a day 6 days a week to get some more money for us. I'm trying to keep us all fed, watered and entertained on £50 a week plus preparing for baby to arrive - washing endless clothes and blankets, selling excess things, putting stuff out to the charity shop, trying to save up to buy the double buggy that will be very much needed in just a few weeks but still seems so far away.

However, I digress - I can name about 4 or 5 different people, family and friends, who seem to have money to burn. Neither hubby nor I can understand how. We know a lot of people who are working hard and living well within their means and they're doing really well, but some seem to be able to buy new flat screen tv's every few months, and new furniture, and go on holiday, and have a 2/3 year old car on the drive which they swap so frequently I lose track. How? We have come to the conclusion that in reality, everyone is struggling. Some are accepting of this fact, some are living in denial and will hit the ground hard for one reason or another soon. I also agree with PPs saying you don't know whats going on in other aspects of their lives - however it doens't make that bitter pill any easier to swallow.

The only thing I can say to try to help is to take each day at a time, and give you and your family a little bit of a treat when you can. I bought the boys a paddling pool for £3 from Morrisons and they've had so much fun from it. I may not be able to give everyone, everything they want/need - however, I do make my hubby his lunch every day, I make sure the boys are happy and know they are loved. I try my best in everything. That's all I can do.

Also, about your LO, she may just be picking up on your stresses and as they've coincided with your new arrival she may be placing blame. My advice would be to encourage playtime together and seperately, and ask her to come to you when there is a problem with baby. I have always said to Earl to shout for me if Eddy is crying/into something he shouldn't be, and I've always said it's not his responsibility to see to him. Give her some dedicated 'mummy' time (and Daddy time if he can muster the strength - I know how that can be horrid as my hubby is working all the hours god sends at the moment!) and encourage her big sister role so she sees LO as a nice thing, not an inconvenience.

I'm sure things will improve....just focus on getting through the challenge, and try not to get disappointed when it takes a while. Your health and the happiness of your family is what's important, and if I were you, if someone is annoying you, I would block them for the time being. Being completely selfish, but I don't need to be reminded of what I haven't got all the time...my bank statements do that fine on their own!

 

[Logan's Mum]

You could live like her, just be in debt/finance I know its frustrating but you cant see the debt she must be in, or whether shes really happy in her new home. I have a friend who has a new house/car/expensive wedding but no children. I have a rented house/car/no wedding but 2 of the coolest boys ever (of course ) I could have had all my friend has but chose kids first. I will get the house/wedding at some point but enjoying life as it is for now. You could live like her but you have chosen your priorities and she has hers.

And about your oldest not liking the baby, thats tough, I would sit down and explain why babies cry and theres nothing wrong if they do. If shes hurting the baby on purpose she shouldnt be left with them on her own. Time out in her room? maybe put a gate on her room if you need to shower etc.