Somebody help me please :(

[laurenbenee]

I was raped in July by someone whom I had just met a few days earlier. We had gone out and talked and he never brought up sex. Then we hung out one night and he raped me.I told him only to kiss me,which he did at first, but he started fingering me i tried to make him stop and told him to stop and that it hurt,but he said that it didnt hurt that bad and continued. I told him that if he was going to do this that he needed to use a condom which he did but he got tired of me fighting him off me and eventually gave up and drove me home. I have now find out that he has has been indicted for sexual battery in the past, some time when he was in middle school.( I was also molested by two family members as a child but thats besides the point.) I just graduated highschool(18) and hes 20. After the rape i guess i was frazzled and decided to start back talking to my ex, a ex i told my priest that I would never talk to again. He left me last year after a condom breakage. He bought me the morning after pill and waited for me to get my period and when i got it he completely cut me off. two weeks later he tried to get back but i was so done and hurt i couldnt even talk to him or look at him. Baclk to the story, Two days after the rape my ex and i had sex, he just stuck it in without a condom and i didnt ask him to use one. He pulled out but said that i definitely needed to get the plan b. Something in my brain told me that i wanted be a mother. i just want someone to love me, and so i didnt get the plan b. Now im obsessed with getting pregnant. Hopefully im pregnant now. We had sex again a couple times on August 2 and he didnt pull out any. i got my period august 4 and it was very light and one day shorter than usual. I have been having heartburn, gas, night sweats, hot flashes in AC, hungry( usual on and a few days after my period i have no appetite but im eating everything!), have gained three pounds( im skinny and have been trying to gain wait my whole life so its very strange for me ive never been past 110 and now im 113), extremely fatigued(im in bed by like 9:30 while all my college friends are out partying, i also take multiple naps throughout the day), I've taken tests and they have come back negative so maybe im thinking all these things in my head. I got my next period Aug 30 but it was a bit more heavy and more cramps but now its like tapering off and is tuning brownish red. Im not even filling a whole tampon.But i cant help but shake the feeling that im pregnant. I've even prayed to be pregnant. I've read stories about women who have had periods or light periods while they are pregnant and it gives me hope. Havent seen or talked to my ex since August 15 he was just using me anyways, he never wanted to take me out or talk on the phone only sex, plus hes in college in a diff state and im in college myself. If i really am not pregnant i will have to find a new person to try with which i really dont want to please pray for me guys

 

[laura109]

Hi hun. I am really sorry that you feel this way. The first thing you need to see is that you deserve a real ending. You are worth much more than a man who is happy to have sex with you but relies on you to cover his mistakes by taking a pill. The morning after pill is not contraception. You need to look hard to the future. Do you want to fall pregnant and be possibly left to cope alone? Or do you think you want to at least try for a real family with someone who loves you? Some mums do it alone and do the most amazing job but its still hard. Pregnancy is hard sometimes. You deserve someone to help you and to help prepare for the baby. I really really think you need to stop bothering with men who just want one thing. As for the horrible man who took advantage of you i hope you can find the strength to realise you are worth alot more. I am sorry that happened. You have been through alot. I always was desperate for my daughter and i am glad i had her at 25 when i was in a safe relationship and happy.

The big picture is I think you should believe you are beautiful and you deserve a man who will take you places and look after you. Stop giving your body to him when he is not taking care of you. When you are in a happy relationship then have a baby. Dont be sneaky. It never ends well. Although he should use a condom.

Having my daughter was special. We were trying. My partner looked after me in the first few weeks when i felt sick and down. He held my hand and experienced the scans. We went shopping together for her clothes and pram etc. we did her nursery together. When i was overdue he worked close to home. He was home within an hour of me being told to go in to be induced. He took care of me in labour and afterwards. We worked as a team with feeding changing cooking and housework. He is still amazing 18 months later. I could not have done it without him.

Go out with your friends. Enjoy life. Remember what you are worth. The wait will be worth it.
Please go and talk to someone and get help too. Hyponosis therapy, councillors? A family member. You certainly need some help to remove the roots of the problem. Men all your life hAve made you think sex gets you love. I wish you all the luck for the future. Xx

 

[BlueMoonBubba]

I'm so sorry for what you went through, you didn't deserve that. Like the PP mentioned you need to stop letting these horrible men take advantage of you and I hope you find the strength to tell someone about the man who assaulted you so he gets what he deserves.

As for having a baby, I think you should focus on your future first and get your degree and be in a stable relationship, not only for you but for the baby too, the baby deserves a stable home with loving parents. Someone who loves and adores you will come to you, you just need to focus on yourself now and cut these kind of people out of your life and don't give them the time of day you are worth way more than that.

 

[laurenbenee]

Hi hun. I am really sorry that you feel this way. The first thing you need to see is that you deserve a real ending. You are worth much more than a man who is happy to have sex with you but relies on you to cover his mistakes by taking a pill. The morning after pill is not contraception. You need to look hard to the future. Do you want to fall pregnant and be possibly left to cope alone? Or do you think you want to at least try for a real family with someone who loves you? Some mums do it alone and do the most amazing job but its still hard. Pregnancy is hard sometimes. You deserve someone to help you and to help prepare for the baby. I really really think you need to stop bothering with men who just want one thing. As for the horrible man who took advantage of you i hope you can find the strength to realise you are worth alot more. I am sorry that happened. You have been through alot. I always was desperate for my daughter and i am glad i had her at 25 when i was in a safe relationship and happy.

The big picture is I think you should believe you are beautiful and you deserve a man who will take you places and look after you. Stop giving your body to him when he is not taking care of you. When you are in a happy relationship then have a baby. Dont be sneaky. It never ends well. Although he should use a condom.

Having my daughter was special. We were trying. My partner looked after me in the first few weeks when i felt sick and down. He held my hand and experienced the scans. We went shopping together for her clothes and pram etc. we did her nursery together. When i was overdue he worked close to home. He was home within an hour of me being told to go in to be induced. He took care of me in labour and afterwards. We worked as a team with feeding changing cooking and housework. He is still amazing 18 months later. I could not have done it without him.

Go out with your friends. Enjoy life. Remember what you are worth. The wait will be worth it.
Please go and talk to someone and get help too. Hyponosis therapy, councillors? A family member. You certainly need some help to remove the roots of the problem. Men all your life hAve made you think sex gets you love. I wish you all the luck for the future. Xx

Thank you so much for your reply. I am not sure why I have the feeling to want to have a baby so bad right now but I am trying to stop. I talked to my college counselor and he is very concerned and wants be to stay away from all guys because he is scared that i wont be able to say no to them when they ask me for sex and that i will only have sex with them because i want to have a baby , which is true so i am just going to hang out with my girlfriends from now on. Your reply was very sweet and has really helped me alot
Thanks

 

[laurenbenee]

I'm so sorry for what you went through, you didn't deserve that. Like the PP mentioned you need to stop letting these horrible men take advantage of you and I hope you find the strength to tell someone about the man who assaulted you so he gets what he deserves.

As for having a baby, I think you should focus on your future first and get your degree and be in a stable relationship, not only for you but for the baby too, the baby deserves a stable home with loving parents. Someone who loves and adores you will come to you, you just need to focus on yourself now and cut these kind of people out of your life and don't give them the time of day you are worth way more than that.

Yes my counseler wants me to tel the police but i just dont know what to do i dont want to bring attention on myself.You are right. I have to focus on college and not a baby, atleast until i get into a serious relationship. Thank you for your reply it was very sweet

 

[BlueMoonBubba]

I'm always here if you ever want to chat hun, i wish you nothing but happiness and everlasting love x

 

[laura109]

Hi hun. I am really sorry that you feel this way. The first thing you need to see is that you deserve a real ending. You are worth much more than a man who is happy to have sex with you but relies on you to cover his mistakes by taking a pill. The morning after pill is not contraception. You need to look hard to the future. Do you want to fall pregnant and be possibly left to cope alone? Or do you think you want to at least try for a real family with someone who loves you? Some mums do it alone and do the most amazing job but its still hard. Pregnancy is hard sometimes. You deserve someone to help you and to help prepare for the baby. I really really think you need to stop bothering with men who just want one thing. As for the horrible man who took advantage of you i hope you can find the strength to realise you are worth alot more. I am sorry that happened. You have been through alot. I always was desperate for my daughter and i am glad i had her at 25 when i was in a safe relationship and happy.

The big picture is I think you should believe you are beautiful and you deserve a man who will take you places and look after you. Stop giving your body to him when he is not taking care of you. When you are in a happy relationship then have a baby. Dont be sneaky. It never ends well. Although he should use a condom.

Having my daughter was special. We were trying. My partner looked after me in the first few weeks when i felt sick and down. He held my hand and experienced the scans. We went shopping together for her clothes and pram etc. we did her nursery together. When i was overdue he worked close to home. He was home within an hour of me being told to go in to be induced. He took care of me in labour and afterwards. We worked as a team with feeding changing cooking and housework. He is still amazing 18 months later. I could not have done it without him.

Go out with your friends. Enjoy life. Remember what you are worth. The wait will be worth it.
Please go and talk to someone and get help too. Hyponosis therapy, councillors? A family member. You certainly need some help to remove the roots of the problem. Men all your life hAve made you think sex gets you love. I wish you all the luck for the future. Xx

Thank you so much for your reply. I am not sure why I have the feeling to want to have a baby so bad right now but I am trying to stop. I talked to my college counselor and he is very concerned and wants be to stay away from all guys because he is scared that i wont be able to say no to them when they ask me for sex and that i will only have sex with them because i want to have a baby , which is true so i am just going to hang out with my girlfriends from now on. Your reply was very sweet and has really helped me alot
Thanks

Bless you. Sometimes us girls go crazy broody. It could even be abit of that thrown in too. But i really think you can get your happy ending and come out fighting. These horrible men will end up alone. There will be an amazing guy out there waiting for you 😘 i have a friend who was abused as a child and so I understand your feelings as i have spent many years talking to her about things. It will get better in time if you put yourself first and any decent man that wants you will work to earn your love and trust. x